This morning I feel like I need to come up with a way to generate some cash. You see when I was young, I partied a lot, I spent foolishly, I made and spent huge sums of money with complete abandon. Fur lined house slippers, electric dog polishers, cars, trucks, motorcycles … Oh well, you get the picture right?
Now in what they call “The Golden Years” I need even more scrilla or cash.
Just checked my bank account, it is somewhat depleted and short again. I have too much month for my money. Most of the blame for my shortfall lies with me, but some of it, has been brought upon all of us, by inflation. Not being totally sure where inflation comes from, I will not elaborate on it at length.
Times changed, the price of items changed, and now I need some more money to do the things I want and need to do. The five cent candy bar died a long time ago. Starbucks is raising the price of our daily caffeine driven fix. Black Friday is just around the corner.
Can you sense the urgency of this situation?
At one point I tried to cope with it as best as a Dumb Okie can. We all have our mechanisms that we try in order to deal with problems of modern day living. It is now apparent that wearing a hat fabricated out of aluminum foil will not work, you will be virtually defenseless. There is no cure for inflation except printing more money, something that they are really good at in Washington D.C., but unfortunately for the rest of us, this is not legal. Seven Eleven doesn’t carry a lot of cash and a Brink’s truck is hard to get into. I am at a loss as to where to get what it is that I need.
So that is the story today, out of cash, no money honey, and as usual, more bad news.
That might be the ticket right there, print a bad news paper. As the majority of our citizens are addicted to “Bad News” I figure when it is all gone, they are going to miss it. I can hear you snickering, but stop and consider this.
All of the political candidates in the last election promised all of us that Good Times were coming. If this is so, then bad news, much like Leave It To Beaver, Green Acres and Gun-Smoke will bite the dust.
So at that time I will start up a new information-news-program or paper entitled “The Bad News Xpress.” Figuring the majority of you will miss this type of news, I will give you a daily dose of it (the entire issue devoted to nothing but bad news) and fill the need.
Preparations are now under way to lease out a space in an abandoned salt mine west of Kansas City. Where I will set up an office, some 350 feet deep underground to publish and circulate this new era of the publishing world.
You too, can be part of it.
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