DEAR ABBY … WHAT’S WRONG WITH US?

letter to the editorA great many people inquired why I didn’t post anything yesterday and …. well …. okay, THREE people wanted to know why I did not post yesterday.  The answer is simple, I went to a pre-interview appointment on the Soft Porn Fantasy-camp, and it appears, I might have a shot at an enrollment in September.  (I had a doctor’s appointment and a pressing Co-Pay, that is the reality of it)

What can we discuss that will surely beat the “Where is Donald today Parade on NBC?”  I just don’t get it.  What is wrong with us Abby?

Our kids can spell, they know how to read and write, can make change for a five dollar bill, they do not spend their days locked down in mortal combat on video games.  They seem to relate well with each other and play in harmony in the backyard on Saturday’s.  One of them actually joined the Boy Scouts this year, and he is not a girl! 

What is wrong with us Abby?

These children have no tattoo’s, ear piercings, gold trinkets in their eyebrows, their hair is the normal color for kids their age.  No cellphones, laptops, expense accounts.  Other than the little one pulling on the dog’s ears every now and then, we seem to be a well meaning boring American Family. 

What is wrong with us Abby.

We went to DisneyWorld and everyone had a good time, we took plenty of pictures together, ate together, no selfies in the entire batch.  At Chuckie Cheese, no one got into a fight with the neighbor’s kids, and all went smoothly.  The PTA asked if they might use our family as an example of good community living.  We came in second place on America’s Funniest Video’s … We have never been to Starbucks and the same with Krispy-Kreme.

What is wrong with us Abby?

We don’t have a FakeBook account, the wife isn’t on Twitter, we mail our bills on time and send stuff thru the U.S. Mail.  We buy greeting cards, celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, and call home often.  We are so normal we think Amazon is a river in Brazil, a drive by is when the neighbor waves on her way to Homeland for some baking mix.  We stand up when they play the national anthem and salute our flag.  We have not been bundled or super-sized in a long, long time.      

What is wrong with us Abby.

We have no idea who got voted off the Island, which whore got the rose on the bachelorett, whether Rosie did really leave the country, and we do not miss Letterman or find Jimmy Fallon remotely funny at all.   

What is wrong with us Abby. 

Do you know of an Ap that can fix any of this?  TEXT me and set me straight in the Heartland.

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One thought on “DEAR ABBY … WHAT’S WRONG WITH US?

  1. Uh; I just KNOW that there’s gotta be a few of these families somewhere in the US of A. Wonder where they’d be nowadays Abby?

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