Had to run down for my quarterly “Personality Shots” at the VA last week (Incidentally, I can see NO improvement, but the doctors, well you know doctors, they insist). So in order to appease them, I drive in every now and then and they poke and prod my secret places.
As a word of caution here, always subscribe to Rule #5 of the Veteran’s Administration Handbook which says:
NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT.
Hey, they are now DOCTORS and they will tell you all about 4 years of medical school, 4 – 7 years in residency and another one or two in fellowships have already made it impossible for your doctor to speak normal English anyway.
Moving on, the VA is now hiring, new blood coming on scene, as a result of the massive clean-up recently instituted by the U.S. Government. You remember the U.S. Government don’t you, those wonderful patriotic Boy Scouts with field artillery and Agent Orange.
As I need to get a new prescription, I secured an appointment and drove down there for a eye exam. I recently had sat on my glasses, which are not water tested to 6 fathoms, nor are they stress tested to support two-hundred none of your damn business.
“I need new prescription peepers.”
Entering the Exam room, I meet the “new guy” not very old, but at my age, everyone is starting to look like a kid, that is, “when they are in focus and I can see them.” So I sit down and then I say to him, “Are you going to be my new Optometrist?” (You catch that? It should have been Ophthalmologist, but I kind of transposed them unfortunately)
Mr. Cover Your Right Eye then begins to deftly explain to me the “distinct differences in the two words, and emphasizes to me that he is NOT in any uncertain terms, an Optometrist.” I let him run his full course, then I said, “Listen sonny, just a slip of the tongue, it is not the end of the world. Could happen to anyone. Now I will tell you something if I may … This is the VA this is not LensCrafters at the Mall. It might be a good idea to watch how you talk to people around here, we are after all Vets and we do know how to kill people. So, in a fashion that you might understand, I will ask you again … Are you going to be my new EYE DOCTOR?“
End of discussion.
Hell, who wants to be an EYE DOCTOR anyway. I want to be an RV Gynecologist. Have already ordered a business card and the whole bit. Text us your current campground location, and before you know it, your very own personal exam behind my Old Bus or your your sparkling stainless rolling Ramada!
Our friendly staff is here to serve you, no appointment necessary. I am not a real doctor but I would be glad to take a look … 405-*** -2666. We are pleased to also announce that if can’t make it to us, we will make it to you.
Might be one possible snag …. I wonder, do you need a medical license. in order to do this?