Lately I have been having some problems with my feet. As I am a magnanimous sort, and love to share with the world, my insight and knowledge, as it is acquired, today I will share with you what I have discovered about this all engaging subject.
Last month I passed on a tip to all of you about wearing a stocking cap on your head, in order to retain heat while sleeping on those cold winter nights. This month I have one on cramps in the area of your feet.
Quite by accident, I have discovered that if you sleep with your socks on, this will alleviate a lot of problems associated with this phenomenon.
Firmly believing that I have stumbled onto something unique and useful, I put my theory to the test. And believe it or not, it worked. The next morning I come into the kitchen and sit down at the table. She says “What do you want?” and I say, “Coffee, black, no conversation.”
Or in other words, my usual.
Like I said before …. As I strongly believe it is every man’s duty to share his aches and pains, grouch about what is giving him problems in life, I share my theory with her about the foot pain. The newly instituted policy of sleeping with my socks on, the apparent end to my nocturnal issues and my pain.
I am feeling good, almost circumspect, close to popping a button or two on my shirt. It is not often a man can feel the accomplishment, self-pride, the honor of being right, but I do this day.
She looks at me and says, “You old fart. I told you that years ago. It is caused by poor circulation.”
“Hahrumpf, I think to myself” she doesn’t get it at all.
“Computers and the Internet caused that. All of them magazines, periodicals, newspapers, they went down right after computers and the Net were introduced to the American Public. That is what caused poor circulation, clearly the woman has gone daft on me.
Sitting there at the kitchen table with my cup of lukewarm coffee, I slowly crossed my legs, pulled one of my socks off and proceeded to start trimming my toenails.
“Poor circulation my …. I sure aint telling her about that other ugly thing growing under my right armpit … No way.”
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