ObamaCare Certified AARP Health Care Professional Drama

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My back is cold and I am lying here on the paper, looking up at the ceiling, and I know I have been in this room before.

How?  The tiles look very familiar, the Dr. walks in, “What is going on today Mr. Smith?”

I always like that, how they refer to me as “Mister Smith.”  A sign of respect, honor, dignity, something I am totally unaccustomed to, believe me.

So I sit up, groan a little, and then I say:  Well, I was walking across the kitchen, with this fresh cup of coffee that I had just made.  And it was full, we are talking really full Doc, all the way to the brim.  And this morning my Hay-fever and Allergies were in full swing, I am bucking and snorting to beat the band!”

Dr. nods his head, in agreement, and then says:  What happened?” 

So I say, “As I was saying, was walking across the kitchen with this LOADED COFFEE CUP and SHE hates it when I spill it on the floor.  And then the urge came.

What urge?” the doctor asks, “Oh, I am sorry.  The urge to sneeze Doc, so you can readily see my predicament here, I got this REALLY FULL LOADED COFFEE CUP and I am getting ready to seize up and sneeze.

So what happened Mr. Smith?

“Well, I uh, kind of held it all in, until I got to the table, sorta.” 

“You did what?” as my Government Taxpayer reimbursed healer could not believe what it is that he heard.

I just kind of held the sneeze until I got to the kitchen table about eight feet away, which was fine, I made it okay Doc.  Unfortunately, my butt-cheeks got all snagged up … I damn nere exploded and all of a sudden I saw …. all these really neat looking stars … well y’know.  Now I have this pain right down here and it is kind of burning ….

My ObamaCare Certified AARP Health Care Professional then smiles and says to me, “All of my patients are boring, mundane, same old aches and pains, when I see them.  But you Mr. Smith, I always love it when you come in.  You specialize, you are always out of the norm.  That’s what makes it so interesting.

I guess he was referring to my last visit, my accident in the bus shop. 

He said “Show me where it hurts if you please?

Where does it hurt?  Oh yeah, okay.” I replied. 

Took my finger and started pointing out the areas of discomfort on my tired, weathered, beat up old frame, the spots that had led me here to this point in time.

I said,
Here …. Ouch!
And here ….
Ouch! 
And all the way up here ….
EEEEEEeeeeeeouch!

(That last one was a real booger)

He shook his head and said, “Mr. Smith your finger is broken.

Damn bus.

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One thought on “ObamaCare Certified AARP Health Care Professional Drama

  1. This story reminds me of that poor guy in the ol’ Lil’ Abner comics years ago; believe his name was Joe Blfix or something like that. Walked around with the little black cloud over his head. Gotta believe he’s the origin of Gumperson’s Law, which states that: anything that can and will go wrong, will !
    Me, and a cast of thousands can relate to the “kitchen floor” incident. A year or so ago, poured myself another glass of Merlot, turned to go back to the ol’ easy chair and damned near crushed the cat ! Merlot on linoleum is not cool looking, along with the horror and rage that was on my bride of 49 years face either !

    Like Raymond would say on Everyone Loves Raymond …. Quick, drop to the floor, play dead!

    DS

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