She’s God’s Problem Now

images

A young preacher was preaching his first funeral for an old Farmer whose wife had died.  In the distance, dark ominous storm clouds started to obscure the sunlight on the horizon.  He again looked down to his bible and continued on with the service. 

The farmers’ wife’s graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the young pastor and calmly said, “Well, I think it is safe to say … she’s there.”

Spent most of the weekend here at the house, quietly doing research on my family tree.  Surprisingly I did discover, quite by accident, that some of my ancestors did swing from trees.  No they were not monkeys’ they were horse thieves in Kentucky.  

There is also a rumor floating around on FaceBook that “I am going to hell.”  Which is certainly not how I see it.  I have not ventured outside at all, in the first three days of the New Year.  Today was the first day out for me, that implies that I live a stationary (and often quite boring) lifestyle to me.  On top of all this, I have recently been diagnosed with “Anal Glacoma” which is a disease in older folks, where you cannot see your A** going anywhere soon.

Now here is something scary.  A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years.  And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.

Wife sent me on a grocery run today.  I was at the checkout counter and the young girl looked at me and said “Paper or Plastic?”  I smiled and said, either one, I am bi-sackual.

She didn’t get it.

Also went to Lowe’s today for some items, noticed most of the workforce there is now different.  Much older crowd wearing the vest these days.  It appears they are no longer enforcing drug testing and have switched to Prostate Exams instead.  Wife sent me over there to get a shower massager thingy they had moved all of the shower stuff and I could not locate it then this little honey said to me, “Sir can I help you locate something?”

So I told her, “Yeah.  Shower massagers.”

She took me to them and then said, “Do you know what type you are looking for?”  And I said, “Nah.  She just said to get one that was soft, medium, and who needs a man?”  The assistant’s face turned a little red and she walked away.

I guess she didn’t get it either.

If you are on the highway this Holiday Season, here is how you can tell you have entered into the Sooner State … Oklahoma.  The wife gets cranky.  The kids start fighting in the backseat.  You feel the urge to siphon some gas.  Strange, but somehow I just know that you are all sitting there and snickering and saying “he is just making all of this up!”

Here is the nitty gritty boys and girls … I live here. 

imgres

You have to be a little bit nuts to live here with the weather and all, then there is the political climate too.  Right now as you read this, “our elected morons are considering a law to make the wearing of a hoodie while committing an illegal act … Illegal.  And the fine is going to be $500.”

I hope you enjoy this day and of course your opinion is always welcomed.

As long as it agrees with mine.

<><><>