Just Give Them Cash And Be Done With It.

TBR 2010 Day Three 006My wife took me shopping for a M&M’s NASCAR jacket.  This has been on my Bucket List for quite some time now, a U.P.S. brown racing jacket for an old coot to style in.

As we were leaving the first or second mall, Cup Cake looks down and she abruptly pulls me up (sort of like reigning in an old horse or a mule) and says, “Your shoe lace is untied.

So I look down, and low and behold it is, I dutifully drop to one knee and assume the position, I proceed to put a double loop in it, and fix the errant troublemaker so that I will no longer have this problem.

Having completed my temporary stop for repairs, I start to rise, and she gently places her hand on my shoulder, and pushes down firmly and I look up, “What the —— now?

She says, rather sternly as if she is talking to a small child, “Now do the other one.“ Which to a man is stoooooopid, why do you have to do the other one, if the other one is okay, and it was.

But doing some quick thinking I remember that I have been here before, and a “wise man never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile.“ So I tie the other shoe, or rather, untie the other shoe, and then re-tie the other shoe. (You following all this?) 

While I am in this position, feeling the familiar pangs of insanity coursing thru my brain, I look up at her, and I say “Darling, will you marry me here, right now at the Mall!

And she giggles, at the same time, an elderly couple who are walking by and overhear my capricious statement and they stop.

The wife she smiles real big and kind of laughs and the husband offers up, “I am a preacher son, I can marry you right now on the spot!“ So I say to him, “For real? You are an honest to goodness preacher, for real?” and again he replies in the affirmative.

I quickly get up from my bent one knee position and say, “Thanks for the offer Padre, but that is where all my problems began to start with!

Four malls later, one trip to the Food Court for a round of give it to me quick and make it really greasy, we come home, sans jacket.

She however has found this stainless steel, pressure cooker thingy for the kitchen, or at least I think it is for the kitchen. All I know it is not my color and it will not fit on the dog, so it must be for the kitchen?

One last thing and then I will leave all of you alone.

I didn’t find the jacket, but I still got the girl, and that is all that really matters.  Instead of distracting yourself with thoughts of what or who would be better in your life, see if you can find a way to make the relationship you’re already in as good as it can be.

Happily married couples know that regardless of what happens in life, yesterday, last month, a couple of years ago or what might happen today, tomorrow, or next year — That Now — is the only place where happiness can actually be found and experienced.

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Flu Ride (Audio)

 Flu Ride

(Parody of Seigh Ride)

Just hear those noses snifflin’
Sore throats ticklin’ too
Come on it’s lousy weather
To be sufferin’ inside with the flu
Outside the snow is fallin’
Your fever’s at 102
Let’s take some Alka-Seltzer
And a box of antihistamines too

We’ll bring some Kleenex with us
And sing a chorus or two
Let’s let my red nose lead us
In a sleigh ride in spite of the flu
Hack it up hack it up fling it up let’s go
Phlegm chunks in the snow
We’re coughing up a yellow and green rainbow
Cough it up cough it up cough it up
oh man
There’s some on my hand
My glands are puffed and swollen
And every hour I pee
My throat’s as rough as leather
And raspy as it can be
Let’s take some Kleenex with us
And sing a carol or two
We’ll make our noses redder
On the sleigh ride
To go with the flu

My kid came home from preschool with a cough today
He’ll infect the whole darn neighborhood in about a day
Well be calling in sick to work until the diarrhea stops
At the pharmacy we’ll get lots more pills to pop
Pop pop pop

I took every medication I can legally buy
For coughing sneezing sniffling and the watery eyes
I’ll be gettin’ real drunk on NyQuil
I’ll take Contac ‘till I’m high
This wonderful buzz is great
But I’m glad I don’t have to drive

Just hear those noses snifflin’
Sore throats ticklin’ too
Come on it’s lousy weather
To be sufferin’ inside with the flu

Outside the snow is fallin’
Your fever’s at 102
Come on it’s lousy weather
For a flu ride together with you

Man I just love this Christmas Stuff!  Falla-llal-lah.

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Thanks to KZOK 102.5 FM

Jus Sayin 1221

images

This commercial video will end in nine seconds
not if I beat you to the X it won’t.
This could be a life changing event in your life
but it is really kind of doubtful

It eliminates odors, freshens carpets and air
why not just get rid of the cat
We have late breaking news from the city
what can you tell us Kevin … Not much … back to you Ken

Your life is pretty much a mess if you use a bathroom mirror
to take a selfie to post for all your fake friends on FaceBook
You step onto the elevator and the operator looks at you
and then says “Down?”
Your life is in the proverbial dumper when your date climbs into bed with you
and she promptly puts the bag over her head.

Saw my first 2015 model car today they have a new safety feature
as soon as the lite turns green
the car behind you honks its horn
pretty cool.

Your Mama had it right,
three rules for everything
No fighting
No fussing
No back-talking

My father on the other hand had only two
“Shut Up.”
“Go ask your mother.”

The race doesn’t always go to the swiftest runner
Nor does the battle go to the strongest man
but that is the way to bet your money

Jus Sayin