Off The Wagon …

 

It is my sad duty to report to you this day, that I fell off the wagon.  Yes, as hard as I tried to relieve myself of this addiction to Coffee, I did not make it.  Just four days, and then I succumbed to the elixir of life, the Caffeine that my body screamed for.  I am an absolute failure, a man of no discipline and this one simple vice.

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As I felt I had no other alternative, I rushed over to China-Mart and bought one of those new fangled coffee brewers.  A shiny little miracle of the modern age that will make 12 cups or 1 cup at a time, via this dinky little cartridge plastic thingy (Okie-Technical-Talk).  The initial “test runs” have proven successful, and we have even figured out how to squeeze two runs out of a one-run cartridge thingy …  Looks like it is going to work.

Here is an email that we found in the box this week we would like to share with you.  A woman’s prayer and then a man’s prayer.

First the ladies prayer.

Before I lay me down to sleep … I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong … One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks … One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed … And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand … Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen … A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other … And relish visits with my mother.

And then there is the male version of the prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big hooters who owns a bar on a golf course,  and loves to send me fishing and drinking … This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t really care … Hand me the remote and then go get me a beer.

The person who provided us with this little ditty requested we keep him/her anon (for obvious reasons)  We sincerely hope that some of this has helped you thru your day, and if you are not locked down rock steady in your relationship with the man of your dreams, we can offer you a solution …  there is always an expert waiting in the wings … to help steer you down the path of life in your journey of commitment. 

When I do discover his exact location, you will be furnished a link to his FaceBook TimeLine.

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Luck Of The Draw

imagesA man walks into an office, and there he observes the man he is about to replace, cleaning out his office drawers, and collecting his personal effects.

They try to work their way thru this awkward situation as best as they can. At that time, the other man reaches down into his desk drawer and takes out three envelopes. “Here, you are going to need these.”  He then smiles, and walks out.

About thirty days later, a call comes in from the boss, he tells the new guy, “Be in my office at 12:30 p.m. sharp, and you best not be late.” There is no mistaking his tone and attitude, he is hacked off.

Anxiously the new employee begins to worry, “What can be wrong, what do I do?” about that time he remembers the envelopes, he grabs the one marked #1, rips it open, and on the paper there is a note.

“Blame it on the other guy.”

So he takes the meeting and he does just that, he says, “I am new to the job, the other guy left it all in a mess, and I am just now catching up.” This seems to satisfy the boss.

Another month passes, same deal, “Boss is again upset, he is really hot this time.” Quickly the guy reaches into the desk and pulls the envelope marked #2. It reads, “Blame it on the employee’s, they are lazy, they do not know what to do. Business is bad, the economy is in the dumper.

Once again, a potential crisis has been avoided, this seems to pacify the boss.

Two months later, the phone rings, and yes, it is the boss. He is livid and in no uncertain terms, makes it known and sets the time for the now all too familiar office meet and the trip to the how come chair.

Almost instinctively the manager reaches for envelope #3 and quite desperately rips it open. There he finds written on the paper, “Prepare three envelopes.

Have a good weekend.

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