A Tune For Tony ….

It is my understanding that there is going to be some kind of slam-down Kariokie night in Pahrump, most likely lubricated with a little Jack Daniels.  So here you go Tony, lyrics on screen.

Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear

(Parody of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

Lacy things the wife is missin’
Didn’t ask for her permission
I’m wearing her clothes
Her silk pantyhose
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear

In the store there’s a teddy
With little straps like spaghetti
It holds me so tight
Like handcuffs at night
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear

In the office there’s a guy named Melvin
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown
He’ll say “Are you ready?” we’ll say “Whoa, man!
Let’s wait until the wife is out of town”

Later on if you wanna
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eye shade
And join the parade
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear

Lacy things… a missin’
Didn’t ask… permission
Wearing her clothes…Silk pantyhose
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear
Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear

Don’t forget to bring you GoPro’s …

<><><>

Jus Sayin 1130

bad-cat

We live in an exciting age, and information of all sorts, plays a major part in our daily lives.  Seems to be a big push in our society to make sure that all of this “so-called information” on just about everything, is put in the right place. 

So it can be archived for posterity, for this multitude of “new people” who are joining the ranks. 

So you would naturally think in the progression of things, some kind of standard would have to be applied to all of this.  Getting things organized is good. It is commendable, admirable, call it what you wish.

Now update your photo, re-arrange your FB page or clean up your garage.

I am off to the kitchen to nuke me a hot pocket.  

(After that I am gonna powerwash our cat)

Jus sayin’

Raspberry Award

walterHas anyone seen this video floating around where the kids are purchasing groceries for complete strangers?  This has been going around for a week or two.  It is so refreshing to see young people doing good works, soothes my soul, gives me a warm fuzzy.

Evidently WalMart has updated its policies on charity giving and such.  Not long ago a friend told me that a guy had went into a ChinaMart and bought some pre-paid gift cards and was standing in the doorway of the store handing them out to people and wishing them a “Merry Christmas.”

Which it was, until security showed up and demanded that he stop the practice.  Now this is kind of lousy, he did after all purchase THEIR CARDS in order to fulfill his holiday destiny.  But ChinaMart was having none of it … they stopped him dead in the water.

So the Holiday-Do-Gooder went to Target as the story goes, told them of his problem, asked them if they would replace the ChinaMart gift cards with theirs, and allow him to do this good work in their store. 

They readily agreed, took all of the left over ChinaMart cards and redeemed them for full face value, and then issued the guy new TARGET GIFT CARDS and made available for him a space to do his thing.  God Bless Target … A lump of coal and a steady supply of raspberries for ChinaMart if this anti-holiday policy is still in effect.

Here is one more we will throw out on the porch and see if the cat will lick it up.

You want to greet me with Merry Christmas, that is just fine.  I am not going to be all touchy about it.  If you are hassling your employees about this practice, then you should be ashamed of yourself.

As for me, I don’t do the gift card thing.

Americans already have too much stuff, they don’t need any more cheap trash from you know where.  We will find an older couple (most likely several of them) in an eatery and we will pick up their tickets and buy them lunch/breakfast.

At this point you are tiring of the diatribe, so I will close with this:  “I don’t need a Brown Thursday, Black Friday or Super Saver Saturday” to make it thru the week, and neither do you.

That is all I got, see you, tah-tah tootle-loo.

<><><>

  

Jus Sayin … 1129

images-3

Would you rather be a serf or a king … think about it

After this last round of elections, it appears both positions are now open.

If you come across a politician and a snake in a field, which one do you shoot?

The wife asked me this morning, “Do we have any money in the bank?”

I said, “Not much.”

She said, “Well, how much is that exactly … when you say … Not much.”

So I told her the best way I knew how.

Honey I said, “If they were giving away steamboat rides on the South Canadian River for a buck an one-half per person.  We would have enough money to run up and down the bank shouting … “Boy that is cheap!”

She didn’t get it.

Jus sayin

Secrets of The Turkey Hotline

images-2

My wife amazes me.  Every now and then she will make a sojourn into MY world, entering the shop like a seasoned Drill Sargent from Ft. Polk Louisiana, she will walk from one end of my shop to the other.  With the eye of an Eagle and precision migratory homing skills, she dissects my shop. Pointing out obvious discrepancies, “Is this new?” … “Where did that come from?” … Is this bus stuff?”

The interrogation continues and I do my best to dummy up, all the while desperately hugging my Krispy Kreme Donut box secretly filled with LED lights. At sixty-seven years of age I have become a smuggler in my own country, such a sad lot in life, especially for a veteran.  So the saga continues … We go back into the house and turn on the tube.

Testosterone is what I am after. Ice Road Truckers, American Loggers, Gold Rush, NASCAR, I want to implode something in Minneapolis or some other place back east.  Maybe a football game … Just about anything.

The absolute last thing I don’t want to watch is Paula Deen explain how she found this old dead turkey on some backwoods, dirt road in Southern Alabama.  How she, soaked it in a secret sauce for the last nine hours, and then explains in a deep southern drawl that would make a Back-water Craw-Daddy cringe in fear .. “when we’re done girls it will taste just scrumptious!” 

Stop torturing me woman!  

When was the last time you heard anyone, male or female, for that matter say something like: “I just love the rich hearty beefy flavor” or “Today we are going to deliver a juicy turkey, and savory dressing, and you will get a spicy crantastic WOW from my sauce.” 

Face it, people just don’t talk that way in America.  And one more thing stop BS’ing me Paula, we all know it’s gonna taste “just like Chicken.”

imgres

Click on the bird and crank it up! 

<><><>

Taking It Easy …

After a major operation awhile back, my doctor advised me to “go home and take it easy.  Which was a relief, I sure didn’t want to hear, “you only have _____ to live or something like that.  Just this week I observed a test on “How Long Do You Have Left To Live” or something along those lines.  I sure don’t know, but I do know this … I will take today … this is a great day to be above ground. 

This operation was necessitated by an improper lifestyle in my youth and the mixing of different chemical compounds, freely ingested, sometimes in the dark.  Then later on in life, you discover that Viagra and heart attacks are clearly no fun at all. 

Anywho ….. Like I said, “After a major operation my doctor advised me to “go home and take it easy.” So that is what I did, as a matter of pure unadulterated fact, I brought myself back here to the old Goat Farm and as the youngsters are so fond of saying … I chilled.

At that time, I discovered I was really good at this taking it easy stuff.  Now how’s that for a good morning chuckle? (No good … Well, whadya expect for free anyway?)

If it is not too much trouble …  Which one of you FaceBook Dwellers posted the 257 pictures to my drop-box?  I sure didn’t want to see all that.  Especially the picture of that one heavy set farm girl in Omaha, dressed in a wagon-sheet, who wanted to friend me. 

This gal was so big (How Big Was She Don?) that when she walked, even her shadow ran out of breath!  She was so big that she could not fly commercial airlines, because every time she sighed or sneezed, the air masks dropped down.  

One more thing and then I am outta here.  All the selfie photographs I’ve taken of myself wearing nothing but oven mitts and a tiara will never be shared on a Facebook page.  This my final answer on that.

(No good … Well, whadya expect for free anyway?)

DSC01723

As usual I haven’t done a dog-gone thing today … Hey the wife is dead wrong … I am getting better at this.  Also an added bonus being Global Warming is officially in full swing, I might be able to chill just like this all winter long.

Will let you know ….

<><><>

Related:  Global Warming Discussion

Turkey Day Ramblings 


It should be our duty and responsibility to remember a lot of guys are not coming home for the holiday.  Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.  I can still remember sitting on a flight deck of a carrier on Thanksgiving, some 18,000 miles from home and wishing I could be there.  When you are all alone on a Holiday and away from home, it is a hard row to hoe.  

And yes, I am thankful that I made it back.

imgres

The news is so interesting this time of the year.  Maybe it was the pot … In Colorado a man was arrested for aiming a banana at police. The officers were able to bring the incident to a peaceful conclusion since they had thankfully been taught self defense against fresh fruit, and could have even handled a man armed with Kumquats!

The cop was drawing his service weapon when the man yelled, “It’s a banana!”

For the complete story please click on the link.

Papers are reporting that Apple is worth some $700 Billion.  But not all the news is good.  I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod, after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.

In a once thought impossible situation, some folks in Ferguson, Mo. have united in a spirit of co-operation and formed a new alliance.  A Mexican family and a Black family have opened a new family restaurant … It is called “Nacho Mamas.”

turkey

Where do the recently paroled or pardoned turkeys at the White House actually go?  (I am talking about the festive bird here, not a political buddy of some action committee.)

Sorry but Jimmy Fallon just doesn’t measure up and when Dave Letterman goes, it will be Ground Hog Day for me.

There’s a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.  And this just in … CNN is reporting that Bingo is now being cancelled all over the Middle East.  It seems when they call out B-52 everyone runs out of the buildings.

Miller Time …. Don’t eat too much.

<><><>

Here is another spin on it:  Turkey Pardons.