Really Bad Joke: I noted that Obama used Martin Luther Kings’ Bible on the swearing in ceremony the other day. This guy has trashed more bible parables and guidelines than any other guy in recent history. Nothing is sacred, now Kings’ bible has been thrown into the mix, instead of a treasured piece of history, it is now relegated to nothing more than another prop in this circus show.
Just In Time: Today I received my Fiscal Cliff Survival Pack from the White House. It contained a parachute, a ‘Obama Hope & Change’ bumper sticker, a ‘Bush’s Fault’ poster, a ‘Blame Boehner’ poster, a “Tax the Rich’ poster, an application for unemployment, an application for food stamps, a prayer rug, a letter of assignation of debt to my grandchildren and a machine to blow smoke up my a**. All directions were in Spanish.
Keep an eye out. Yours should arrive soon..
Not Much Better In Canada: The Alberta Department of Labor, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
It is all in the way you think: Whew! What a relief to learn this … Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what’s known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. It’s not aging, it’s the **** door!
Thank goodness for studies like this. I had erroneously believed that my trigger was in my rear. No seriously, I would walk all the way up to the barn, stand there like some kind of lost goose, and never figure out what it was that I walked up there for. Then I would walk all the way back to the house, and sit down … And pow! It came to me! So naturally I figured my trigger was in my rear, turns out it wasn’t there at all.
The Last Word: In a recently held linguistic competition held in London attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure, was the clear winner with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes. His final question was this … How to explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some say there is no difference between “these two words”.
Here is his answer which made him receive an invitation to dine with the Queen who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer.
His astute answer: “When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. When the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”
Hang in there … weekend is just around the corner.
Cartoon courtesy of American Progress.Org