We’re Back – Gobble Gobble

It is our hope that all of you enjoyed the Holiday and that you traveled to and fro, safely, without a hitch.  We have just ended a trip into the Heartland, put some down some miles, burned some fossil fuels, and took in a little cranberry sauce and a little of the dark meat.

If I hear one more soundbite on Black Friday I think I am gonna lose it. 

Being a man I am not a big shopper, nor do I understand America’s preoccupation with the practice.  What is the big rush to acquire all of this stuff, that no one needs, no one is impressed with, and certainly no one can pay cash for?  The thing that really scares me about these throngs of unruly shoppers, is the mere fact that a lot of them are packing roscoe’s in their purse.

And now they are armed.  Oklahoma recently passed the “right to carry law” which means if you have a permit, you can openly carry a firearm in this state.  86 people have been gunned down in Oklahoma City this year, the latest was some poor guy vacuuming out his car at a car wash over the weekend.  Do we really need all of these people walking around packing heat?  

I fully expect to turn on the television some night and hear:  “Light to moderate gunfire with occasional shower of automatic weapons on the south-side, weather is perfect for intermittent gun sale activity at the fairgrounds, with scattered drive by shootings in the late afternoon.”

Cover me honey, I am changing lanes.

Quick!  To the bat pole!  A New Jersey man claims police overreacted when they arrested him for being dressed like a superhero.  He admits he was wearing a bulletproof vest, mask, cape, and hand cuffs, but says he wore his superhero getup “to inspire hope.”  His lawyer says there is no law that “would prohibit anyone from dressing how they want to dress.”  Yeah, these people never met my mother.  Kind of ironic, at a time when America is fresh out of hero’s, here we find one, and they are cuffing him and carting him away.

Couch Potato’s.  A global study has found that the United States ranked among the most physically lazy countries in the world (big surprise there huh?), with some forty percent of Americans engaging in little or no physical activity.  Greece was found to be the most active country in the Western World, with just fifteen percent of their citizenry inactive.

Grand theft auto:  I just love stooopid criminals.  A man in Louisiana tried to carjack an unmarked police car at a traffic light.  Inside were a state police detective and two U.S. Marshals.  “He evidently was not one of the smarter criminals in the area.”

Good deal on a car.  While we are on the subject of cars, a guy in Nebraska is selling off is huge fleet of antique cars so he can free up enough time to find a wife.  The 74 year old man says he spent so much time and energy acquiring and restoring his 90 classic cars that he “never had time for a date.”  His plan is to sell the cars and look for a wife, and he said “I don’t care if she has a half dozen kids.” 

Which to me says, “You have spent far too much time in the garage.”  He then went on to say … “The cars took up all of my time, and I had nothing left over for anything else.”  I got news for you sport, you hook up with some gal and six kids, you aint gonna have time for anything.

One more.  A Chinese woman upset about speeding cars roaring by her home purchased a sex doll, dressed in a sexy red lingerie and positioned it in her garden in view of passing motorists.  Most of who now hit the brakes to get a better look.  No word on what the local police think about this tactic.  I do just faintly remember a red nightgown in my past.  One night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy red negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

See you in the funny papers.

OOO