God Will Save Us

“God’s still up there. The arrogance of people to think that we, human beings, would be able to change what he is doing in the climate is to me outrageous.”  –Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.)

On the fifth day, God let the Earth bring forth every kind of animal — including mosquitoes. Some of them carry West Nile virus, which in 2012 has been reported in 48 states and has killed 118 people. The bulk of the outbreak, among the worst in the nation’s history, is centered in Texas, but Oklahoma is in the top six states with 129 cases reported so far.

When it comes to tropical diseases such as West Nile, warmer weather speeds up the process of production and infection — increasing the population of mosquitoes, speeding their life cycle so that they reach biting age sooner, and rushing development of the virus within the bug’s body. Other mosquito-borne illnesses, such as Dengue fever, are expected to become more common in the U.S. as global temperatures rise. Please, Lord, since you’re the only one who can possibly solve this problem, send us down a tanker of thy DDT.

As you know, America is the first country to send aid when other countries are in trouble.  It is highly appropriate that we now send THANKS to all of the countries that reciprocated for our help with their disasters, misgivings, social turmoil, & poverty by sending to the United States of America monetary and physical help when Sandy ravaged our East Coast leaving dead, homelessness, and pure disaster.

Listed below are all the Countries and World Organizations that are giving us gracious assistance. Please assist in thanking these entities by passing on this information so people all over America can join in and THANK our neighbors, to whom we have invested BILLIONS!

First on the list is…

1.

Maybe now Americans will realize that charity begins at home.  With millions of our people in need and in poverty, let’s save our borrowed money and spend it at home instead of sending it to Egypt, Libya, Pakistan, etc.   Staten Island and parts of New Jersey would gladly thank America if we spent the billions there …  Perhaps the only hope left for America is divine hope and nothing more.

OOO

A special thanks to Mostly Bright Ideas for the lifted cartoons.

What folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives
The Worry Tree
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)
Clear Blue Sky
Eagle Bus Project Files
Flu Ride (Audio)
Wood Ice Chest
Spaced Out Fairy Tales
Engine Detail 2012
12 Days Of Christmas (audio)
 

Spaced Out Fairy Tales

“In the spirit of Judy Garland we could all collectively wish upon a star and try and change our destinies.  When you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are, that kind of deal.

Perhaps it is time for us, to just think about moving to another planet altogether.  We cannot seem to live in peace and harmony on this one, we have done so much ecological damage to it now, it most likely cannot survive.  Might be time to colonize Mars.  

SpaceX founder and billionaire Elon Musk is laying out his plans for a colony on Mars, and they are specific. Musk has already mapped out an approximate number of people he imagines living in the Mars colony (80,000), as well as how much a ticket to Mars might cost–$500,000.  This is where you should insert the folks on Jupiter and Saturn are most likely saying … Uh oh, there goes the neighborhood.

It could very well be time for us as a race of people to make decisions and forget about the politicians.  In the spirit of Judy Garland we could all collectively wish upon a star and try and change our destinies.  When you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are, that kind of deal.  I remember as a young lad my father told me a fable such as that one night when I was but a small tyke, I still remember lying there in wonder and bewilderment..

It went something like this … He said …. YOUR mother told me that I was to come in here and tell you a fable or a bedtime story. 

So pay attention:  Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said, “NO!”

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged, big breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and nailed cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate Spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.  The End

Then he went into the kitchen for another beer and I was told to go to sleep.

OOO

Hangin In The Wind

“In San Francisco they are really starting to get peeved at everyone “letting it all hang out” in certain area’s of the city.”

This is the time of the year, when you go out to the garage and grab a six pack of Snapple for the refrigerator, and it is already room temperature.  The cold water faucet is actually putting out cold water, and it is no longer just tepid.  When you spy a huge pile of leaves on the driveway and not a wisp of wind to move them out of the way.

This is also the time of the year, when I start making a list, and no, it is not all those folks who are naughty and nice, it is a list of commercials that I do not like.  One blessing this year, is they seem to be plentiful.  For example:  The Santa Claus commercial where he is down in the back, so we are to leave little packets of Alieve for him around the house.

Give me a break.

If you show me a commercial, make it a Dodge Truck commercial, the special effects are out of this world, and come to think of it, most of what you see could be possible if you live in California.  It could be too much Aleve or something, but it is getting weird in Frisco again.

In San Francisco they are really starting to get peeved at everyone “letting it all hang out” in certain area’s of the city.  Instead of putting all of their Christmas gifts in a sock, they are wanting someone to put a sock over “it” and stop displaying “it” in public.

Supervisor Scott Wiener’s proposal would make it illegal for a person over the age of 5 to “expose his or her genitals, perineum or anal region on any public street, sidewalk, street median, parklet or plaza” or while using public transit.

Eeeeee-Uwe.  Civilized people just do not do that.

I am really glad I live in Oklahoma, the only thing that even comes remotely close to that around here is hanging a pair of simulated bulls testicles from the rear bumper of your Dodge truck (by the way, they are wanting to make “it” illegal here too).

T’is the time to be jolly, especially if you work for the U.S. Government.

Nice big fat paydays working for Uncle Sam.  I just read an interesting piece of information on what some of these people are pulling down for yearly salaries and it is an eye-opener.  If you want to see the details, remember, they say “it is always in the details.”  Here is the link:    If this doesn’t get you in a “Holiday Sprit” I don’t know what will.

After you read it, take two Aleve and then call me on Friday.

OOO

FIFTY PERCENT OFF

It was bound to happen, just a matter of time.  My bride walked into the room and unceremoniously announced to no one in particular, “Take me shopping.”  So we loaded up in the old truck and drove the six miles to town.  She wanted to go to Kohl’s a department store in Yukon, Oklahoma.   After parking the truck we walked a short distance to the store, upon entering the store, immediately, she spots a garment (a blouse) hanging on a garment rack.

She walks over to it, feels of it, strokes it, appraises it from every angle, and then looks at me and says, “Whadya think.  Its 50% off.”  I look at it, it is nice, sheer, almost transparent the tag reads, $17.99 marked down from $36.00.  It is kind of blue and green in color, and as I said you can see right thru it, very much MY kind of blouse.

I say to her, “I dunno?” and kind of shrug my shoulders.

We move on, you see I know that I am here to drive the truck, my appraisal or value placed on any item in that store, means nothing.  I am now taken to the pots and pans, the stainless steel items that shine in the artificial sunshine of the store, with their clear lexan tops and bright polish.  We look at several, again, picking up a cookie pan that will produce almost magically 24 cup cakes, she says to me, “What do you think?” as if my input or opinion really mattered.

I again, “shrug my shoulders and silently wish that I had begged off back at the house when asked to volunteer for this mission.”

Things go well for the next ten minutes or so, and I make it all the way thru housewares without incident.  I am now in bath towels and fluffy stuff.  Then I see them.  Flashlights!

All manner of flashlights, on a rack, silver ones, red ones, blue Flashlights.  They are everywhere, so somewhat like a drunken sailor I saunter over to them and I feel them.  I admire them.  They have little buttons on them and the sign says …. “Try me.”

I look up and all of a sudden, she is nowhere to be seen, I am alone, just me and the Flashlights.

The Christmas muzak blares from the overhead speakers and I am magically transported to another time and another place.  Having left my cellphone home on the counter, there is no way I can locate her, and I am certainly not going to go on a search and rescue mission in a department store.

Slowly I gravitate towards the front of the store, the main entrance, and assume a position at the perfume counter.  Shifting one side of my body weight to the left shoe, I assume my position, by leaning back slowly into the counter and I check my watch.

The edge of the counter top starts to dig into my back, I shift my weight but another time, and I wonder how long it will be before I hook up with my little parsimonious shopper.

My mind slowly wanders off … Little beads of sweat form on my forehead and they roll down my cheeks and drop onto the Army Green container on the floor.  I take my trusty pocket tool, the red one, with the toothpick inside, and gingerly start to loosen one screw on the case, it breaks loose slowly and I feel it give way.  The red LED clock slowly clicks downward a second at a time.  I must get the access door off, and find a way to the inner core, to the explosive element that ignites the nuclear mass of the bomb itself or the weapon will explode, and all of mankind for five square miles will be toast.  The door slowly prys open with final screw and the main access panel is there, with all the wiring intact, which I by-pass and instead, go for the igniter of the weapon itself.  The Red LED clock is now getting insanely close to running out, and I am frantic.

I silently wish that I had a flashlight and curse under my breath ….

Then her voices breaks the silence, “Here you are.  Are you ready?”  I nod my head and she says, “I didn’t find nuthin’ you want to go get some Mexican food?”  Like a blind man, she takes my arm and starts to lead me toward the exit of the store.  “You didn’t find anything you liked either?”

Again, “I nod my head” and we start out for the front doors.

She again stops at the garment rack, and fingers the blouse, I can tell she really wants the blouse.  She pauses a little bit and then says.  “Let’s go.”  I say “Wait here and I will go get the truck, you won’t have to walk in the cold.”  On the way out to the parking lot the north wind takes a sharp bite out of the corner of my eye, and sends a shiver up my spine.  I get in the truck and I think to myself, “She never gets it?”

 

You see I might be sixty-five years old, but my LIbido is still very much in place.  I am a man, very much so, and thus, I am stimulated not by emotional things, but by visual items.  All she had to do was look at me with those big brown eyes, eyes a guy could get lost in, smile and say, “If you buy me this, I will model it for you without my bra.”

I would have bought it in a Hong Kong second …. Fifty-percent off or not.

OOO

We’re Back – Gobble Gobble

It is our hope that all of you enjoyed the Holiday and that you traveled to and fro, safely, without a hitch.  We have just ended a trip into the Heartland, put some down some miles, burned some fossil fuels, and took in a little cranberry sauce and a little of the dark meat.

If I hear one more soundbite on Black Friday I think I am gonna lose it. 

Being a man I am not a big shopper, nor do I understand America’s preoccupation with the practice.  What is the big rush to acquire all of this stuff, that no one needs, no one is impressed with, and certainly no one can pay cash for?  The thing that really scares me about these throngs of unruly shoppers, is the mere fact that a lot of them are packing roscoe’s in their purse.

And now they are armed.  Oklahoma recently passed the “right to carry law” which means if you have a permit, you can openly carry a firearm in this state.  86 people have been gunned down in Oklahoma City this year, the latest was some poor guy vacuuming out his car at a car wash over the weekend.  Do we really need all of these people walking around packing heat?  

I fully expect to turn on the television some night and hear:  “Light to moderate gunfire with occasional shower of automatic weapons on the south-side, weather is perfect for intermittent gun sale activity at the fairgrounds, with scattered drive by shootings in the late afternoon.”

Cover me honey, I am changing lanes.

Quick!  To the bat pole!  A New Jersey man claims police overreacted when they arrested him for being dressed like a superhero.  He admits he was wearing a bulletproof vest, mask, cape, and hand cuffs, but says he wore his superhero getup “to inspire hope.”  His lawyer says there is no law that “would prohibit anyone from dressing how they want to dress.”  Yeah, these people never met my mother.  Kind of ironic, at a time when America is fresh out of hero’s, here we find one, and they are cuffing him and carting him away.

Couch Potato’s.  A global study has found that the United States ranked among the most physically lazy countries in the world (big surprise there huh?), with some forty percent of Americans engaging in little or no physical activity.  Greece was found to be the most active country in the Western World, with just fifteen percent of their citizenry inactive.

Grand theft auto:  I just love stooopid criminals.  A man in Louisiana tried to carjack an unmarked police car at a traffic light.  Inside were a state police detective and two U.S. Marshals.  “He evidently was not one of the smarter criminals in the area.”

Good deal on a car.  While we are on the subject of cars, a guy in Nebraska is selling off is huge fleet of antique cars so he can free up enough time to find a wife.  The 74 year old man says he spent so much time and energy acquiring and restoring his 90 classic cars that he “never had time for a date.”  His plan is to sell the cars and look for a wife, and he said “I don’t care if she has a half dozen kids.” 

Which to me says, “You have spent far too much time in the garage.”  He then went on to say … “The cars took up all of my time, and I had nothing left over for anything else.”  I got news for you sport, you hook up with some gal and six kids, you aint gonna have time for anything.

One more.  A Chinese woman upset about speeding cars roaring by her home purchased a sex doll, dressed in a sexy red lingerie and positioned it in her garden in view of passing motorists.  Most of who now hit the brakes to get a better look.  No word on what the local police think about this tactic.  I do just faintly remember a red nightgown in my past.  One night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy red negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

See you in the funny papers.

OOO

Lady Eye Candy

   

I am sorry, but that video just cracks me up.

An Early Christmas Story to get everyone in the mood.  A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.  As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around.  She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?” 

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.” 

He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.” 

Have to run to town to pick up my duds (clothing) at the cleaners want to look sharp, feel sharp, present a successful outward appearance to the relatives over the holidays.  Yeah sure.

One good thing about a trip to town and that is.  Chinese food for lunch today, I am looking forward to it.  Asian women seem to catch my eye, I am into them.  When you eat Chinese food, one of the benefits of this, is of course, a high concentration of Asian women.  You know Chinese wait staff girls are certainly attractive, I noticed that recently.  We have several good looking Asian girls that read this every day.

Asian women are beautiful. Asian guys, well, they are relegated to “tech support.”

Over at the Super-Center the other day and saw this girl, all decked out to the nines, clearly a professional woman.  She was looking so good, and she had two small boys with her, dressed in Soccer Attire.  I thought to myself, “here is a girl who has put in a long day at work, now she is shopping’ for the family, taking it home, cooking it up and taking care of the brood.”

My hat is off to her.  Women work too hard, for too little in this day and age, and they surely have their hands full.  They clearly deserve more credit for what they do in the home …

What can I say, I appreciate the female form, the smell of their neck, the mystery of their being … I am a big fan of girls.  Now there is clearly no reason for concern, most of you will never meet me, and if you did, you would quickly ascertain that I am basically harmless.

Flirting old dude

Listen, have a great holiday with your family and we will catch you all later on in the week.  We are going to go out of town for a few days, stuff some groceries down our neck, and generally speaking just over do it on most of it.  Isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?  We will see all of you on our return.

Enjoy the Holiday.

OOO