Don’t You Touch That

“And I always thought it was strange when our kids, wanting a glass of water before going to sleep, would ask for “Kitchen water Dad, I don’t want any bathroom water, okay?” 

Need a loan:  I am watching CMT (Country Music Television) and a group of Indians are offering loans to the public.  They are saying they will put $10,000 in your account by tomorrow.  Freezing the screen and reading the “fine print” the interest on this loan is 80.68% … Man, what a deal.

Then I went over to the WallStreet Journal read some of that, the bus boards, checked my lottery tickets, my email … Not a winner in the entire lot.  80.68% wonder how they get away with that?  Looks like the sins of the white man are catching up with him good now.

Trash of man:  In 1938 a young man accidentally dropped his highs school ring into a toilet at a local butcher shop in Dunsmuir, Calif.  Seventy-three years later, a sewer maintenance worker and fellow alumnus of Dunsmuir High found the ring in a bucket of sewer debris.

He had the ring cleaned, saw the initials engraved on it and tracked down the owner with the help of an old high school yearbook.  The owner said that finding the ring after all these years was a real booster for him, it made him feel like he was a lot younger.

I lost mine in the soap tray in the head of my ship in 1968 when some bozo copped it, doubt if I will ever see it again.

Hands Off In SC:  The ALCU is suing a south Carolina jail because they will not allow access to pornography to inmates.  The attorney figures that they (the inmates) were already given access to Bibles and other religious themed reading materials, so it is only natural they should be allowed books replete with female who-has and other illustrated goodies to read.  Of course the jailers are against it, it leads to other things … the old … Y’know, if you do that you are going to go blind thing.

You are what you eat:  They say that during your lifetime you will eat at least six spiders in your sleep.  They crawl into your mouth while you are asleep, and the natural reflex is to chew.  (Now you can go Ewwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeew)

Well Doctors in Taiwan have removed ants from the ears of a teenager.  It seems she was fond of eating cookies in bed.  While she was doing this, she would pick at her ears while eating the snacks and later go to sleep without brushing away the crumbs.

While she slept, hungry ants would then follow the smell of food into her ear canals where they would stay, “because there was plenty of food there” and it was warm and I suppose the rent was cheap.  (Again …. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeew)

And I always thought it was strange when our kids, wanting a glass of water before going to sleep, would ask for “Kitchen water Dad, I don’t want any bathroom water, okay?”

Stick ‘em up:  Violent crime in this country is now on the downswing.  Crime in the U.S. has dropped to its lowest level in nearly 40 years.  This of course, defies several long-held theories on the underlying factors for crime.  Despite high unemployment rates and fewer people held in jails, robberies fell by 9.5% last year, and violent crimes dropped by 5.5 percent.

It is no small wonder.  “No one has any spare money anymore to begin with.  No percentage in robbing the unemployed in this country.  And they (the robbers) are all staying at home because of the price of high priced gasoline.  The only people robbing us now are the politicians and the oil companies.”

PSA:  Stop with the negative political emails, it makes absolutely no difference and all you are doing is buggin’ people.  I am asking you nicely.  Continued refusal to behave in a manner that pleases me will result in my unhappiness. This warning applies to people I love, people I have worked with, friends, relatives, strangers who wander through my personal narrative, and folks in faraway lands whose thoughtless actions cause me to become upset when I read the newspaper in the morning.

As of this notice, all behavior will now be required to pass a in-house evaluation of an undocumented nature (“How will this affect Don test?”). Failure to do so will result in me having a bad day. And nobody wants that, right? Thank you for your consideration. You may now return to your regular activities.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot … “Pass this on to everyone in your address book.”  (Don’t you just love Election Years … The Silly Season In America)

It’s A Dogs Life