Well there is good news and there is bad. Monday morning is here even tho I never asked for it.
Today I renewed my domain name and mapped my site for another year, so it appears that all of this is going to continue.
Now here is the bad news, I am finding things to write about when I reach deep down inside myself and I plan to share it with all of you.
Here you go 820 words of wisdom to change your life (or maybe not) … A short essay on “How to make yourself miserable for the rest of your days.” I think I got a B.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. My Daddy used to call it a “Rude Awakening.” It is impossible to argue with a totally naked woman. Debates by Vice President wanna-be’s are like kissing your sister, just isn’t a whole lot there.
- I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. I now find them a refreshing change of pace. My sweet surrender, a secret place where I can run to and hide, from all my fears, my tribulations and my self induced anxiety. As I age, I like don’t like mirrors and plate glass windows even less.
- There is great need for a sarcasm font. Typing a statement IN ALL CAPS just doesn’t cut it. I want something with some teeth in it. What is the point of lashing out, if all you are really doing is wimping forward. Y’know what I mean? See? Just doesn’t cut it somehow.
- How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? Why does a pillow have a warning label on it, who is going to come after me if I tear it off. Why do they give you a receipt for donuts, I mean really, it is not like we are going to return them for a refund later on. If you drop a socket or a wrench it will roll immediately to the geographical center of the bus.
- Was learning cursive penmanship really necessary? I have no desire, nor the talent to write in long-hand, with some twenty-five years of keyboard experience. Same thing with Algebra, why did they force me to learn that, and then lie to me about Democratic process and how it works.
- Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Unfortunately due to the Oil Companies and their greed, Map-quest is most likely the only trip I will make any more.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. Often I wonder, “what was it that killed this person at such an early age?” You never see a rental truck at a funeral. Want to be miserable for the rest of your life? Try this … Want something you do not have … And yes … Get what it is that you always wanted.
- When she asks “Do these pants make me look fat?” answer in the affirmative and then fall down and pretend you are dead. Prepare yourself for a steady diet of Tuna Fish sandwiches.
- I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired. Sadly I must report, it has been even longer period since I actually felt “good.” Why do people drape sheep over other peoples buses, is this some kind of weird ritual that most of us know nothing about? Why did the ram shoot over the cliff? Did he miss the ewe turn?
- Bad decisions make good stories. Unfortunately, they also bear a little pain when you retell them over and over. Taking a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time … that would be a bad decision. Explaining it with all the rancid details, that would be painful (to the listener).
- Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still do not know what time it is. But on the other hand, there is no place I need to be, and I tell myself “I have all the time in the world.” Knowing full well, this is just not so. Truth is, we all have only a limited amount of time left to us as we pass thru life.
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. That moment in time, when it all shuts down, and your motivation and vigor take a back seat to boredom and forever. I cannot for the life of me remember when it was that I got drunk and was somebody. Making your way in the world today, takes everything you got. Wouldn’t you just like to get away.
- Check please.