Older Than Dirt …

Today, October 5th, I have reached the status of an old fart.  I am pretty sure that my grandchildren elevated me to this lofty position years ago, but today, it is official.  I am one of them now.  

Old fart  An old man, an old fellow (considered offensive to the elderly) …… Why does the old fart keep on talking so much?  

2.  Old fart  An old guy that is just not right and officially has nothing in his tool box to offer ….. Peter turned the age of an old fart officially on Nov 22nd but, had been practicing for quite some time.  

3.  Old fart  What you smell when you smack your hand on your couch, car, or dining room chair, seat cushions ….. I was doing spring cleaning and beating the dust off the couch when that old fart hit me right in the face. We are graying out in this country, the driving force now seems to be the Baby Boomers that are taking out, for the “Good Life.”  Whatever is left of it, that is.  The American Dream thanks to years of neglect and voter apathy, is now long gone, a thing of the past, only a wisp of a memory on the consciousness of the people. I have no great plans for this day, it is after all, just another in a long string of days. 

Today, I find myself thankful that I still have a few years remaining, that my choices albeit somewhat limited are still available to me at this age. It is often hard for me to understand the aging process, the subtle changes in my moods, my body, my way of thinking.  I find it hard to get used to pee’ing in shifts, I don’t like the words, colonoscopy, medi-mucil, Citricell, you have a generic condition known as.  

Recently after going thru a few rounds of some physical discomfort, I inquired of my doctor, “What is it that caused this thing?” and he looked at me and smiled, “Too many birthdays” was his reply.  I could only think one thing at the time … “Well buddy, don’t look now, because your turn is a coming.”

 We all get a turn.

Officially retirement age, been awhile, but I made it.  I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.  As I am officially retired, I can’t afford one.  So, I’m wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.  When you turn sixty-five you are allowed to do things like this, and hey?  

 “Nobody even notices.”

Viagra isn’t even an option any more, kind of like putting a brand new flagpole on a condemned building, b’sides you have to have a partner, dontcha?  One precursor to old age is that you have to get something on the ball, even if you are too old and tired to bounce it.  You know you are sixty-five when you discover that you have that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!  When you hitch up your pants so much, that at the next high-school reunion, you will be a pair of pants, with a set of ears.

Now I can finally take an application blank, the one’s that always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I can write in … “A Good Doctor!”  Never noticed it before, but my wife has started reading her bible more, now that we are both getting older.  Then, it dawned on me, she could be cramming for her finals.  As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.

Today my bride will get me a cake, she will poke it full to the brim with a whole lot of candles, put it on the table, lite it up and ask me to make a wish.  As I have most of what I need in life, I will just make my wish simple and sweet.  

Here it is ….

I hope the smoke detector doesn’t go off in the hallway, when I blow out all these **@@##@**@!! candles …

I really hate it, when it does that. 

This concludes today message from the person now known as “Old Fart” formerly known as “Stud Muffin.”  We now return you to your regular programming or your nap … Which-ever comes first.

Have A Great Weekend.


What folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this week:

Home page / Archives    
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)    
Don’t Let Life Drag You Down    
The Worry Tree     
Clear Blue Sky    
Fantasy And Reality    
Good Decorations (audio)    
Goin With The Flow    
Lawn Mowing Sucks    
Air Bag Project

10 thoughts on “Older Than Dirt …

  1. Happy Birthday my Old Friend. I’ll be joining you in a few days.


  2. Happy Birthday Don. Congratulations on making it this far!


  3. Yup, today is moving day! Too chilly here the last 2 nites, time to move a little farther south.


  4. St. George Utah for right now, Yuma in a couple of weeks when it cools down some more.


  5. Happy Birthday to an Old Fart, the one I like is “Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes”
    Happy Birthday


    • Hey thanks Tom, I appreciate it. Nothing much different, just another day in a long line of days. Kids called and talked to the babies that kind of deal.



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