Home Cooking

As I understand it, one million dollars in twenty-dollar bills weighs about sixty pounds.  Now this car insurance company is advertising on television that they “can save you a ton of dollars” on car insurance.  Now 2,000 / 60 = 33 and some change, wow, $33 million dollars in savings and I am wondering, how it is that I am gonna pay the electric bill this month?

But alas, as with all things, there is a catch.  They said they would save you a ton of dollars, not 20 dollar bills.  So you will need to multiply the 33.33 x 20 and arrive at 666.6 lbs./million dollars.  Therefore, a ton of dollars would be 3 times that, or 3 million dollars.

 Mere Chump Change in today’s economy.

Unless you live in a cave, then you know that the Republican National Convention is on television and the entire circus is there for the viewing.  So you have election, then Viagra (erection) and more election and Ciallis (erection).  Election, erection, election ….. somebody is gonna get screwed is all I can make out of it.  Congress has an approval rating of about 18% which is about the same as termites.  Obama is so far out in right field, he doesn’t even know when to come in when the inning is over and I am really tired of all of it.

Where is Ross Perot when you really need him?

The first speaker of the night walked up to the microphone and then started into his jag about how the re-pbubs need to get tough and all this other garbage.  And then he announced that they could see a light in the end of the tunnel.  To which another gas bag yelled out ….. “Buy more tunnel!”

Isn’t politic’s swell boys & girls.

A Swedish man has been arrested for trying to build a nuclear reactor in his kitchen.  He had been working on the project for about six months with nuclear materials he harvested from smoke alarms and old clocks.  He said his goal was to see if he could split atoms in the home.

After triggering a minor explosion of sorts, he decided it might be a good idea to notify the authorities about his work.  It also brought the police to his door, who promptly arrested him and I suppose after his release from jail, he will concentrate on the theoretical aspects of nuclear physics in the future.

Now for the local news.

Yesterday while mowing the grass for what I thought would be the last time this year, the lawnmower picked up a rock and hurled it thru the passenger side glass on my truck.  That will cost me a hundred dollars if it isn’t a dime.  Really ungood man, really ungood.

A man in Washington state fleeing police after a car crash doused himself in human excrement to evade police dogs.  (Yeah I know, you think I am making this up, dontcha?)  He allegedly was drunk when he backed his jeep into a condominium’s carport demolishing the structure.  When police showed up to investigate he fled into a portable toilet and doused himself with a bucket of human waste.  He later told police he thought the “dogs were coming, and he wanted to throw them off his scent.”

I am pretty sure they would have picked up on him right away.

Now everybody, all together now ……… Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewew.

A couple in Whitehouse, Texas, made a Facebook profile for their daughter Marriah, even though she’s yet to be born.  Marriah, who already has 268 friends, spends most of her time “swimming,” the profile said.

This morning I am reading where the Mar’s Lunar Lander is now roving around the Red Planet and it is transmitting the sound of a human voice.  I wonder what it is saying ….. “Hello I am from Earth, you have been chosen as a finalist in the Clearing House Sweepstakes! … Hello I am from Earth, you have been chosen as a finalist in the Clearing House Sweepstakes!

So goes Wednesday, Hump Day for five day a week wage slave in the Red Fly-Over State somewhere west of the big city on the prairie.