No Brainers

Famous last words …”I’ve done a lot of test jumps, so I’m good,”

First day of the new month, don’t ask me where the other one went, I don’t have a clue.  Ride The High Country is on, even tho’ I am fond of this piece of cinema history (1962) where Randolph Scott, Joel McCrea and Mariette Hartley ride thru the west, I know I have other obligations to fulfill this day.  I cannot afford the luxury of watching two old ex-lawmen and their sidekick guard the wagon load shipment of gold and later on rescue the woman.  I have more important matters.

Quickly, taking pains to not be so sloppy as my wife is fond of saying, I eat what is left of my Microwave dinner on my Brady Bunch TV tray and hastily get back to the computer.  I have an obligation to my readers (you) and have to put you first.

Let’s get started … I can hardly wait! 

You see the movie “Forty Year Old Virgin?”  Well here you go, the Seventy Year old Virgin, and this is not the story of a girl in Alabama who was able to out run her seven brothers.  This is the real deal.  On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie with great anticipation, then crawled into bed, only to find her husband had settled down on the couch for the night.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied,  “It’s Lent.” In tears, she sobbed, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?”

Yeah I know … But whadya expect for free?

The local Indian casino, Thunderbird Casino, is having a contest in the month of June.  They are giving away 4 ATV’s to some hapless jerk who happens to use his “players card” during the month of June.  The official come on or spiel is this …. “Come in during the month of June, use your Players Card and you could possibly win one of these machines.  And you get back 1% in cash payments, it is a no brainer.”  Yup, sure is.  One penny back on every dollar you bet … that would have to qualify as a definite “no brainer” to me.

Hey Grandma? … The next time one of those little darlings comes trotting into your kitchen and inquires of you, “Is Grandpa always going to smell that way?”  You can point them to this  Now which dim-wit in Washington appropriated the money for this?  Spending $185,000 to find out why children did not like to eat vegetables is one thing … but this?

A stray dog in China has finally found a new home after following a team of cyclists for more than 1,100 miles.  Animals do some pretty amazing things don’t they?  It is my profound hope that one biker adopt this pooch and give him/her a better life.

Good News … U.S. Housing market shows signs of revival.  I suppose this is Washington double speak … which really means … Big rush on now for new cardboard boxes.  As the “Silly Season” continues, look for the statements to become even more absurd, they will after all, do anything and say anything in order to get elected.

From a personal standpoint, I have always thought that going up in a perfectly good airplane and then jumping out of it was of course, silly.  Now going up into outer space, opening a door and bailing out, well, that is just plain nuts.

Believe it or not … A skydiver is planning on doing just that.  Now let’s do the math Boys N Girls we will be plummeting more than 23 miles from the Earth’s stratosphere?  In a free fall of something like 121,440 feet?  This far surpasses Air Force Col. Joe Kittinger, who set the current world record back in 1960 when he made a 102,000-foot jump.

“I’ve done a lot of test jumps, so I’m good,” Baumgartner confidently told Fox News before adding that he would “probably say a little prayer” before making the jump that could literally make his blood boil if something goes wrong.

So if you are sitting in your living-room watching “America’s Got Talent” and something comes busting thru the ceiling sheetrock at a high rate of speed, don’t be alarmed.  It is probably Ol Baumgartner just a tad bit on fire, and most likely a little off course.

Call the home Baumgartner, they have your room ready.

There you go … Another slice of life, fresh off the TV tray.

Have a great weekend.


What folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this week:

Home page / Archives
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)
Almost Enuff For A Fill Up
Really Ungood Man
Clear Blue Sky
My Favorite Animal
The Worry Tree
Open Up And Let Life In
Lawn Mowing Sucks
Goin With The Flow


Cartoon courtesy of

One thought on “No Brainers

  1. Looking at the cartoon and reading the words with it again, reminds me of the other day when I took the truck in to have the tires rotated and all at America’s Tires. Struck up a conversation with a guy who was having his left rear tire r ‘n r’d under their warranty program.
    Seems that this guy (found out he was in his mid 50’s) had been out of work for 8-9 months or so and could not even come close to getting his resume and/or foot into ANY doors !
    I told him that my youngest son Dan was out of work for a year and a half, went thru his “bennys” that he’d gotten from Kalifornia and was in his doom and gloom mode for awhile. He’s just turned 40 last October. He’d found work in a cannery in Modesto, CA finally.
    I looked at this guy and asked him if he’d ever thought of correcting? his image? Had straggly hair (white) over his ears, and a goatee to match. Told him that over the years, I’d hired people on the spot, told certain folk just to turn around and don’t bother to sit, and afew other things in my 35-40 years of warehousing experiences. I said that he’s got two strikes already against him in today’s “younger is better” movement with employers, and that if he did not even contemplate re-inventing himself (in the looks department) in our county of San Joaquin, it would be better if you started a career in your home. Wished him luck as he drove out of the parking lot with tongue in cheek saying to myself: now there’s a senior citizen that ain’t gonna make it in today’s world of “younger is better” !


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