Close Encounters

The monkey never learns.  You see, the monkey he loves brown rice, and he knows that if he sticks his hand inside the enclosure, he is going to get shocked.  He knows that it will hurt and it will cause him pain, but he loves the rice, so he sticks his hand in the enclosure one more time.

The room seemed incredibly warm, it could have been the wine, sometimes it has that effect on me.  Looking across the table, she radiates her beauty and everything has that feeling of being just right.  The food is excellent, the waiter is most attentive, and my woman is smiling back at me.  I am not hitting all of them out of the park, but I believe I am getting some base hits, it is going to be a good night.

After dinner, I tell her, “I have a surprise for you.”

She looks at me, and then says, “Oh yeah, what could you have after all this?  This was terrific.”

Sliding her chair out from the table, I reach down and grab her hand, and then smile, “Walk this way my dear.”

The hallway is basically empty and there are not a lot of people about for a Friday night, I am somewhat surprised.  Walking over to the elevator, I punch the button marked up and the doors open.

She looks at me and says, “What’s going on?”  I just smile my toothy smile and say … “Be patient.”

Short ride up to the room, I slip the plastic card into the magnetic card reader, the little green light illuminates and there is a distinct metallic click.  Opening the door, we walk into the room and she smiles, and then says to me, “Ohhhhh, this is nice.”

So far so good.

I pull her close to me and I breathe in the scent that is my woman, she feels good in my arms, she not only entices me, she excites me at the same time.  I kiss her softly and then say to her, “Let’s make love.”

She says, “No we better not.”  I am taken back, after all of my scheming, my planning, all of this, she says “NO?”

I ask her why …. She says “the boys might hear us.”

Which just flabbergasts me to no end, I have heard this before, I have heard it far too many times in my life.

Desperately trying to hold onto what sanity I have left I say … “What?  Are you kidding me?”

She says, “No.  SOMEONE will hear us.”

So I reason with her, maybe this will work.  “No one is going to hear anything, let’s get it on.”

She looks at me with those big brown eyes, eyes a man could drown in, and says “Give me one good reason.”

I sigh, and say “Okay.  I will give you two.

#1 … Listen, the boys are grown and long gone, the youngest one is 39 years old for cryin’ out loud.

And #2 … we are at the Marriott Inn.”

The poor, poor monkey … he never learns.


Another Ordinary Day

Goober died over the weekend.  Every time I think of him and his impassioned Cary Grant impersonation (Judy-Judy-Judy-Judy-Judy), or the time Opie put a transmitter under the collar of a dog, and he thought the animal could talk.  The crazy Hillbilly-Yahoo Army Officer on Mash.

I have to smile.

As a baby boomer, I am quickly reaching that point in my life, where I am attending more funerals than I am weddings.  Death is the only thing in this world that never takes a holiday … George will certainly be missed.

Al Qaida rejects … Now this one is a hoot.  Five suspected in Ohio bombing attempt plead not guilty, even as their van explodes in the parking lot! The FBI recently ran a sting operation in Cleveland, Ohio and has arrested five nimrods who were plotting to blow up a bridge on the Interstate Highway System.  They are affectionately known as the “Cleveland Five.”  Here is the information on it, they were also said to be part of the “occupy Cleveland rally.”  Now here is my question, how stupid do you have to be in order to buy $900 worth of inert explosives from the FBI?

And now for question number two:


We used to MARCH on these places and then protest, now we OCCUPY THEM which to me, a person who is his perfect weight if he were seven feet tall, tends to suggest we are as overweight and obese as Federal Standards imply.  When complete strangers rub your belly for luck at the Mongolian Palace … well it might be time to go on a diet. 

Whadya think?

Mexican Beauty clear cut winner in Presidential Debate …  Who won Mexico’s first presidential debate? According to the media and Twitter frenzy, at least, the victor wasn’t any candidate but a curvaceous model in a tight gown who puzzled millions by appearing on stage for less than 30 seconds during the showdown.  All we get is Newt and the other Bozo’s.

Now if you don’t think that is bad … well the news is good and then it is bad.  Women’s breasts are now bigger and better, such a important part of life we give them off color names and descriptions.  But breast cancer is on the rise, and you can read about it here.

What is not to like? … Simon Cowell of American Idol fame has a new book out, “I can’t stand Jay-Lo.”  Man-Man, hold the presses, until I can get to Borders or for a copy of that!  Maybe he has a secret crush for Ryan Seacrest, anywho it is out in print now, should be a major yawner for sure.  Personally I like Jay-Lo that baby got back!

EEEEEEEEeeeeewew  …. Over the weekend, Chinese Infant Flesh Capsules were seized.  Now that is just plumb nasty sounding … Do you know what the name of the first Chinese Test Tube baby was?

It was a boy. 

“No Fun Son.”

In the spirit of the gang at Mayberry …  Nip it in the bud!  This is so bad, I am not going to comment, just going to give you the link and you be the judge.

See you at the water cooler …