The Ant And The Grasshopper

The Ant and the Grasshopper

[Old Version]

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter..  The grasshopper on the other hand, thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away..  Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.  The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


Be responsible for yourself!

Now for the modern version of the story.  The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.  CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper, next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?  Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the poor unfortunate grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green .. ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the media news stations film the SEIU group singing, We shall overcome.  Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake, while he damns the ants.

President Obama condemns the ant and apologizes to all the aunt lovers in the entire world and then he blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.  Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act Retroactive to the beginning of the summer.  The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar.

The confiscated property that the ant worked and slaved for his entire life is given to the grasshopper.  The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house … The house in turn, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, and has been taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.  The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

This could be important to you if you believe that you are an ant and of course … Not a grasshopper.

Make sure that you tell all the other ants you know about this.  Don’t bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn’t understand it, anyway.  [At this late hour, no word on whether the ant or the grasshopper were gay, which could of course effect the outcome of the story. We are bound to help or lift up Special Interest Groups, hell, it might even be a law.]