Bits And Pieces

Six year old Lucy Magnum emerged from a terrible shark attack with a message of grace.  The little girl was boogie-boarding in shallow water off the North Carolina coast when a shark sank its teeth in her leg.  Her parents quickly applied pressure to the wound until emergency workers arrived, saving her leg.

After the incident she said “I hate sharks.  I like dolphins way better.”

But once her parents explained to her that the shark didn’t know that she was a human and had made a mistake, she changed her mind.  “I don’t care that the shark bit me” Lucy said to her mother, “I forgive him.”  We can always learn something new from a kid.

Ah the joys of youth.  I remember when I used to swim before wet suits, across frozen water, I had to wrap or cover myself with bacon grease, which was really scary, because I never knew if when I did reach the other shore, if there would be wolves waiting there for me.

By the way, “Do you know why a shark will not bite a Lawyer or Politician?”

Professional courtesy.

A new gold standard, after a Taiwanese city offered dog owners who clean up after their pets a new incentive … a ticket to a lottery drawing for every bag of dog poop they turned in.  The top three prizes are gold ingots worth up to $2,100.

Which got me to thinking.  How about a National Debt Free Lottery?

Here is the deal, you purchase a ticket for say, $5 with the “chance of living in America for one year TAX FREE.”  If you win (monthly drawing, 12 winners per year or 24, 36, the possibilities are endless) you receive the right to NOT pay any type of tax” for one year.  A game such as this would hold huge appeal to just about every other American and could retire the national debt in short order (perhaps in just a few short years providing we do not wish to enter the Where Is The Next War Sweepstakes our elected leader’s choose to join every now and then).

The return of the American Dream, remember you read it here first.  This is do-able a distinct possibility.

Not like recent comments of our President who said, “”Soon the sun will break through the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over our economy.”  This guy is so far out of it, they need to pump sunshine into him wherever it is that he is currently residing.

I just love these …. Bad Cop … No do-nut.

British police smashed the windows of a car to save a baby left alone inside.  The baby was actually an extremely realistic doll.  First time I ever heard about this sort of thing was at a family reunion in the mid sixties, when I was a small lad.  My uncle Harvey had one of those, but I don’t think it is was baby model?  Anyway my mother said to “not talk about it” that aunt Bernice would take care of it and not to hang around uncle Harvey … Period.

No good huh.

How about this?  A fugitive Victor Burgos taunted police on his Facebook page, posting “catch me if you can.  I’m in Brooklyn.”  Cops quickly tracked down Burgos to an apartment in Brooklyn, where he was sitting a computer with his Facebook page wide open.

Might want to adjust your privacy settings first next time.

Now here is the other end of the gene-pool not so smart file.  While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

We routinely report on folk working two jobs just to get by in these hard times.  Recently in Rockaway N.J. A Dunkin’ Donuts sex sting was launched by local authorities.  One “working girl” (nice tag huh) was arrested after she was caught selling sex along with Munchkins and coffee.  The cops were tuned into it by an anon tip where a person said they could find her offering off the menu items on the night shift.

The cops even gave it a super secret code name operation, they called it “extra sugar.”  No wait!  Don’t give up, it gets even worse.

During the six week operation (taking their time to bust the offender eh?) police sat and watched “extra sugar” proposition customers via the drive thru feature, and then later on, meet the johns in the parking lot for some curb service.  She was finally busted when she provided an undercover cop a with a list of discounted sexual services.”

No report on how many car jacking, robberies, home invasions, assaults, burglaries, or bank robberies in the SIX WEEKS it took to arrest the obviously dangerous felon.

I am going back to the plain do-nut or the Crueler, maybe a few sprinkles, but no more of the creme filled delights for me.

If you are in Germany, it might pay you to watch the words you use to insult someone.  If you for instance call someone in traffic a dumb cow, you could face a fine of up to 300 Euros.   A stupid pig will cost you up to 500 Euros.  Now there are rules for this type of misbehavior.

You stupid pig … is for instance, not allowed when conversing with law enforcement.

You cannot say this or any other unorthodox non-polite thing to a cop, if you do, it could cost you up to 2,000 Euros.  Unless you use the the more polite, formal form of “you,” in which case you only pay 200 Euros.  There are more, “bull, the stink finger (middle finger, either hand this is still optional), and the use of standard curse words also apply.”

I know that sounds ridiculous, but it true.

Now here in America, we are more civilized and everyone knows we are broke, so things are a little different, well, they are a LOT different.  You take my case for instance.  I was siting in this little mom and pop joint deep in the heart of Texas and these two guys were talking about Washington D.C. and George Bush, in  a most unfavorable way and even tho I have a Constitutional Right to remain silent I felt I had to say something… So I offered up …. “Bush is a horse’s ass!”

About that time, the more larger of the two cowboys got up, and slapped the crap out of me.  I quickly apologized and said, “I am sorry.  From the gist of the conversation I thought you were not too fond of Bush.”

He then looked at me and said, “Ah shucks.  It isn’t that, but this here is horse country pard.”

Now … that … Is priceless.

OOO

[#1179]

2 thoughts on “Bits And Pieces

  1. Smart phones and stupid people. Hehehehehehehe
    =====================
    This is why we have the largest concentration of non-functioning dysfunctional do you want fries with that society in the world.

    Can we SuperSize that for you?

    DS

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  2. I think you have a grand idea about the lottery. Why don’t you start with our state and present the idea to the governor.
    ===========================
    I tried that one time back in the seventies. Suited up, made the drive to the capitol and met with my elected representative. What an eye opener that was! Almost better than an E-ticket ride at DisneyWorld, y’sir.

    I learned a lot and moved on. It was kind of like an after high school spelling test:

    The last four letters in American……….I Can
    The last four letters in Republican ….. I Can (but seldom do)
    The last four letters in Democrats ……. Rats

    End of lesson. Test to follow in November, 2012.

    We would most likely be better off trying to have November set aside as rodent extermination month. Now on the other hand, you have another opposing thumb …..

    DS

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