Show Me The Magic

Here we go, get ready, another dose of Monday Morning Magic.  Well, it isn’t really magic, just another Monday, as a matter of fact, “I do all this time.”  It has been reputed by some that I cannot live without it, but that is not true.  Things I cannot live without are:  flushing toilets, showers, fresh vegetables, halter tops, girl-on-girl porn, and this, well this is five or six, on the short list of what I cannot live without.  If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be totally without its delicious and often surprising flavor. This is one reason we all need a little Magic in our Monday’s and of course  … The weekends.

SUPER SIZED IN THE BIG APPLE: 

A really huge New Yorker, tipping in on the scales, at some 290 pounds is suing White Castle Hamburgers because he can’t fit into the burger chains seats.  He was told some two years ago, that seats would be enlarged in order to accommodate people his size.  But as they have never followed thru on the promise, the only logical thing to do was sue them.  “I just want to sit down like normal people” was his parting comment.

Well, duh.  It must be a real bummer going thru life, stepping up onto the talking scale and it sez … “Come back when you are alone.”

WATCH-LOOK-LISTEN: 

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.  Close … but no cigar.

SHORT CHANGED: 

Go on, leave the money and run.  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a twenty-dollar bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded for all the cash in the register. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, but left his $20 on the counter.

The total of cash the robber got from the drawer?

Fifteen bucks.

DISGRUNTLED IS OKAY: 

I always get a kick out of that word, disgruntled, which I believe means somewhat not satisfied or something like that?  My company sent me to “charm school” because they said I was disgruntled (charm school is a company sponsored non voluntary course on Anger Management).

There is now good news for people in dire need of attitude adjustment.  It is now ok to complain about your sorry boss or your lousy job.  A National Labor Relations Board ruled that workers can’t be fired for complaining about their jobs on Facebook and other social-networking websites, which I suppose would include WordPress.com

WE ARE SO COOL: 

The U.S.A. after an international poll by social-networking site Badoo.com found that 
Americans are the world’s “coolest nationality.”  It could be because you can swing a dead-cat in any direction and you will find someone who hates us.  Because of perceptions of widespread anti-Americanism, we sometimes forget how many people across the world consider American’s seriously cool.

This survey does not include your children or their children, I am sure their opinions would differ considerably.

FUN SPOILERS: 

This judging crap on a lot of these contests is getting totally out of hand.  Take in case, the plight of this lovely in the Miss Universe Pageant.  
She was told to stop wearing tiny skirts with nothing on underneath, because of what audiences and photographers were seeing.  I mean, “it is a beauty contest” and beauty is always in the eye of the beholder as I understand it, aint that right?

Just like this bogus garbage on Victoria’s Secret special run on CBS every year, “the sexiest night on television.”  Uh huh sure, why don’t they show the models walking away from the camera?  Listen, if the girls want to go “Commando” then I say let it happen.

You see, this all part of the magic.  The reflective mind sees the possibilities in life and searches for new meaning and ways to do things … especially when something isn’t working the way we are already going about it.  Also being a “dues paying member in good standing of the Official Dirty Old Man Club certainly doesn’t hurt matters any either.”  

NOT SO FUNNY DEPARTMENT: 

A bar in Montana is suing the local telephone directory.  Bar 3 Bar-B-Q a small restaurant chain in Montana, sued a local phone book for mistakenly listing it in the category “Animal Carcass Removal.”  The restaurant’s owner said the listing led to prank phone calls, mockery, and a decline in business.

PARTING SHOT:

Bill and Tony were business partners for some twenty odd years, and then they decided to disband, and go their separate ways.  So after a fair and equitable division of assets by both partners, they went on to other things.

After a week or so, Bill got to thinking about his lost partner Tony, and decided to send him some congratulatory flowers as a gesture of their friendship and good will.

About two hours later the telephone rang and when he answered up it was Tony clearly upset and bent out of shape.  So Bill says to him, “What is the problem, why are you so upset?” and Tony replies, “The flowers!  The flowers you idiot!

Bill is now quite confused and says to him, “Why should they upset you?  It was meant in a spirit of good will and friendship.”  “Yeah?” Tony barks back, “Flowers that read Rest In Peace, are in good will, since when?

So Bill says, “Oh no, that is not right.  I will check it out.

So he calls the florist and he gives him what for over the flowers, for five red-hot minutes he hammers this guy about the flowers.  This goes on for a little bit more and after a long drawn out butt chewing the florist sighs and then replies ….. “You think you got problems, somewhere in this town today they are preaching a funeral and the flowers are reading GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.

That … boys & girls is the Magic of Monday.

OOO

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