Harold And Maude Revisited

Almost Valentine’s Day, that illegal estrogen enriched holiday for the girls (that ought to get me some mail), so I thought today, maybe something romantic in nature an “Affair Of The Heart” so to speak. 

From time to time, I will write about Harold & Maude, they are two of my favorite (made up) people in the entire world.  Harold is about 82 now, and I believe Maude on her last birthday was 79, together they are a lovely pair.  They have been married for quite a few years, they are like a pair of well worn slippers, old and comfortable.  I have written about them before on Creative Endeavors.

If you wish to read about it here is the link.  He’s Already Taken

Tuesday morning Harold received word that their friend Paula was in the hospital.  This is not the Debra Winger Paula, that worked in the cardboard factory where Richard Gerre came in and swept her off her feet and carried her away, to live happily ever after in government sponsored non-enlisted housing on the East-coast of America.  Where you have no political opinion and dogs and sailors are required to stay off the grass.

This is a different Paula.

Anywho, Harold tells Maude that they are going to go visit her and he pulls the family truckster out on the driveway to warm up as Maude finishes up with what she calls “the essentials.”  (A little bit more make up, tawdry inexpensive jewelry, a splash of cheap perfume and one more swing of the comb thru her purple hair)

They load up and head on down to Southwest Medical on the corner of Western and 44th to see Paula.  They take the elevator upstairs to her room and spend about an hour with their friend.  They discuss her medicine, her doctor, all this unnecessary spending the government seems to do and generally cover most of the bases in the game of life.

After all the hugs and goodbyes, they load up into the elevator and head for the lobby.  Upon their arrival in the lobby Harold, always the consummate gentleman that he is, looks at Maude and says, “Wait here.  I will go get the car.”  He then heads for the parking lot leaving his wife of many years standing in the lobby.

Now here is where the plot thickens.

Upon arriving home, Harold looks in vain everywhere for his beloved Maude, but she is nowhere to be found.  He looks in all the familiar places, he is now somewhat concerned.   Her bedroom is empty, she is not in the laundry-room, Dooley the family dog is out in the backyard by his doghouse.  “Well, she aint out walkin’ the mutt that is for sure” … we can scratch that one off my short list of where she might be, he thinks to himself.

Walking into the kitchen he picks up the telephone and calls his daughter in the northwest part of the city.  “Hello Cynthia, this is Daddy.  Have you seen your mother today?”  Cynthia replies, “No I haven’t Dad, why are you asking?”  So he matter of factually, goes thru it over and over in his mind and on the telephone, but it really isn’t resonating with him, he is still at a total loss as to the whereabouts of his beloved Maude.

Harold states, “Well, I just got home from the hospital and she isn’t here.  This is kind of strange.  She usually leaves me a note or something.  I will call your brother.”

He then hangs up and dials up the oldest son, well actually, the “only son” and inquires of him.  “Ronnie have you seen your mother today?”  The son replies “No” and then inquires of the father, “what is going on?

Harold tells him, “Oh, it is probably nothing.  I will get back to you later on, thanks.”  He then heads out of the kitchen towards the living-room, scratching is head and rethinking the morning, trying to make sense of the situation.

About that time, the telephone on the end table rings, he walks over and picks it up and says “Hello?”  The voice on the other end of the line says …. “Harold you old Coot, are you going to leave me standing here all day, or do I need to call a cab?”

It is his beloved bride and she is not in what most would describe as a “lovable mood.”

Pow!  Almost like a gun-shot inside his head, Harold snaps back to reality.  Suddenly remembering where it was that he had left his wife, Harold replies, “Uh no dear, I will be there shortly.

Next time I will tell you about the time Maude sat down in the WRONG BOOTH at the Steakhouse and ordered everyone within ear-shot to bring back her silverware!  In the meantime …. Here is a video a friend of mine sent me this week entitled “The Remember Song.”  It is a real hoot.

Tell someone you love ’em …..  Have a great weekend … We will be back on Monday.



One thought on “Harold And Maude Revisited

  1. The video is great! I feel like this sometimes! You? LOL


    Me too! What the hell were we talking about?



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