WordPress Junk Files January: Fresh Pressed 01-04 …. “Snowboarding post, high in the Rocky Mountains where the snowboarder finds himself gasping for air at 10,000 feet above sea level, a place generally reserved for mule deer, mountain goats, and the skeletal remains of the pioneering Donner party. The ill fated Donner party met their demise in the Sierra Nevada Mountains outside Truckee California not in the Rockies. So much for “checking for accuracy and source material” before being Fresh Pressed huh?
If I see that J.C. Penny Commercial one more time with the women screaming at the top of their lungs, I am going to go bonkers. That has to be the worst commercial currently running on television these days. How they equate screaming with a desire to shop, I will never know. My girlfriend on Trop 50 has a new one out, and it is a kick in the you-know-what. You Had Work Done?
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand,
and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”
No good huh. Well, whadya want for free?
Do you know what a woman’s’ thong and a barbwire fence have in common?
They both restrict access … but they don’t spoil the view. One thing we can all agree on, “they are not for everyone.”
Now here is something to boast about. I have not watched one episode of the new season of American Idol … Not one minute of it. I deserve an award. It is almost as if I am on the twelve step program concerning reality television. Come to think of it, I never won an award, trophy or prize in my life.
One time when I was about 10 or 11 years old, I ran a race and my father came to watch me. I didn’t do so well, came in about 8 or 9th as I remember. On the way home, my father took his watch off, and handed it to me. Not a new watch, and old watch, but to a ten year old kid, this is a big thing.
Taking it, I put it on my wrist and said to my father, “I didn’t win the race. Why are you giving me this?” and he said, “Well, I am not giving it to you for winning, I am giving it to you for trying.”
That is better than any old trophy.
Try this one. Ready? Two candy bars for two dollars, or one at the regular price. Better yet, ready? Two KING-SIZED candy bars for three dollars or one at the regular price. My old man used to squeal like a stuck pig when I asked him for two bits (a quarter) for a coke AND a candy bar.
I don’t understand. Girls with tattoos’, what is up with that? Guys with pierced lips and eyebrows. I just cannot figure it out to beat the band.
Some more things I do not understand:
Popcorn Chicken … What in the world is that?
Buffalo Wings … Uh huh, sure.
New Sexy Hair (only $13) and I just have to chuckle, no really, I just have to.
New Skin? Yeah, I know. Think about it.
Let’s eat out: “Chase every skillet bite with one of five lip-smacking, fruity fusion favorites.” Cool, tangy and loaded with “Ah.”
Uh huh, sure.
Maybe it is just me … but I just don’t get it.
Now this, this is really something else. Try it, it will blow you away. A super cool optical illusion
A brand new week on tap, make it or waste it, as always, your choice.
One way or the other … It is all up to you.