Trash Talk

THE TRASH OF MAN

This is a little hard to believe, but ….  When Brian McGuinn realized he had accidentally thrown his wife anna’s engagement ring in the trash last month, he vowed to do whatever was necessary to get it back.  Almost every husband in American knows that “If mama aint happy … nobody is happy.”  So after contacting their local sanitation company in Margate, Fla., the 34 year old suited up in a hazmat outfit and waded into tons of rotting food and sludge-covered trash to track down the $10,000 diamond.

After a half-hour of searching, McGuinn located the gem and returned it to his wife finger (after a professional cleaning of course).  His wife was reported to have said “I am not taking it off anymore.”   (Which could be “good news/bad news” for Brian, depending on her mood I suppose?)  So in thirty minutes, give or take a few, this best dressed hazmat-nimrod finds a ring in a trash dump?

Yeah sure … I am not believing this one at all. 

My neighbor and I had a similar experience.  His son Mel and his girlfriend mixed it up in the front yard, as young couples in love are prone to do from time to time.  Mel’s girlfriend went berserk one Saturday and threw her engagement ring at him on the front lawn in a moment of “lively discussion.”  And shortly there afterwords, the fun and games began.  We were there, on that “freshly manicured lawn for over two hours looking for that ring” and never did find it.  Finally, I called a guy with a metal detector and he had it pinpointed and located in less than 40 minutes.

This guy finds a $10K diamond in a dump in thirty minutes?

Bad week for “Honest Abe” someone stole the copper sword held by the statue of a Civil War soldier atop Lincoln’s tomb in Springfield, Ill..  It was most likely stolen for scrap.  The cemetery recently got rid of their security guard because of budget cuts.  Not long ago, Midwest City, Oklahoma, was reporting the theft of manhole covers in their city.

If some crack-head shows up at your recycling center with fifty-feet of guard rail or 22 manhole covers, this is a good indicator that something isn’t right.  A lot of this could be stopped if they “would police the people taking in the scrap.”  Meanwhile, you come in with two trash bags of crushed alum. cans and they want your driver’s lic. number and the name of your first born male child in order to collect your eight dollars in much needed lunch money.

Now this isn’t rocket science folks. 

They say the owner of a second-had car knows how to drive a bargain.  Take the case of this man in San Jose, California, who unwittingly bought a used van full of cocaine hidden inside.  He bought the van for some $14,000 last year.  He accidentally found the cocaine while cleaning up the van and immediately called the police on the matter.  Now this is one lucky guy, can you imagine what would have happened to this poor slob if he had been stopped in a “routine traffic stop” and the drugs were discovered then?

Junk Food protection,

God Bless the U.S. government, our ever watchful vigilant watchdogs who protect and serve us.  Congress recently shelved proposed changes to the nation’s school lunch program that were designed to reduce childhood obesity by adding fruits and vegetables while cutting french fries and pizza.  At the same time, McDonald’s in Oakland, California, added a “Happy To Be Alive Meal” to its regular menu.

Guess it all works out?

From the think I will pass files.  A Chinese entrepreneur says he plans to use feces from panda bears to make the world’s healthiest and most expensive tea.  Let me run that one up the old flagpole and see if we can find someone to salute it again …. I said, a Chinese entrepreneur says he plans to use feces from panda bears to make the world’s healthiest and most expensive tea.

He has already collected 5 tons of panda poop, which he estimates will retail for around $34,000 a pound.  He also goes on to say the panda’s excrement is rich in fibers and nutriments” owning to a diet rich in bamboo and its relatively inefficient digestive system.

In tea form, he says, panda pooh has more antioxidants than green tea, and a mature, nutty taste and a very distinctive aroma.  We have scheduled a tea party here at the house next week (my wife as some of you already know is very much Chinese) and we welcome y’all to attend.  (Bring your own toilet paper)

“A mature, nutty taste and a very distinctive aroma. “ 

Uh huh, wouldn’t look for this one at Starbucks anytime soon if I were you.

Been a little noisy around here.  This week they have been placing seismic sensors in the crop fields around here with a helicopter.  Looking for the black gold that the country runs on.  Yesterday coming home from town, in the span of 11 miles, I met some thirty plus oil related semi’s on the highway.  Lot of oil field trash on the move in Oklahoma.  At last count we had some 185,000 drilled wells in this state.  Oklahoma had an average of six small earthquakes a year, until that is, 2009, when the number jumped to 50.  Last year we had about 1,047 and one cabinet shaker registered 5.6 on the scale.

Now less than ten miles from our lovely little Goat Farm in the country, they are fracking the earth like you would not believe.  The boom is on again, and this time it is not oil, but natural gas.  (Please Lord, gives us another oil-related boom, we promise we will not blow it this time)  In case you just came in just now, or are late to the party, here is a very real fact of life.

Progress always has a tab, someone will have to pick it up sooner or later.  Wyoming and Arkansas now have water that is not fit for human consumption.  Ohio as recently as last week, stopped drilling of  disposal wells in their state due to earthquakes.

I predict that we will have here at my location, a whopper of an earthquake within two years (mark your calendars) and possibly natural gas coming out the spicket at the sink in the kitchen when you go to get a glass of frog water.  We have a huge national, massive addiction to oil, and there seems to be no solution in sight.  Homeowners do not want windmills blocking their spectacular ocean views in Martha’s vineyard.  Solar panels that would cover vast swathes of desert with panels, and people object to that too.  The tar-sands in Canada are playing havoc with the Frazier River Basin and the verdict isn’t in on that right now, but you can trust it isn’t going to be good.

So ….. if none of this works (Not In My Backyard) how are we supposed to keep the lights on?

25* here and it is going to be chilly out there on the tractor this morning (I am digging a pond).  Wind is out of the north and it has the bite of a pit-bull at Las Vegas Mailman’s Convention.  Gonna be another Oklahoma Memory Maker, wish you were here.

This brings us to a close, on this cold and nasty day,I sincerely hope you are warm where-ever you might be.  Remember there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.

OOO

One thought on “Trash Talk

  1. Like your blog, very interesting reading. I think the wells are causing our earthquakes also but you will never get anyone from the gas companies who will admit to it. I mentioned it the other day to someone and he was very quick to tell me that they have proved the quakes are not from fracking. I marked my calendar :)
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    When the very first people to come on the news are the government and the oil companies to tell you that they are not responsible, well, that right there kind of makes me a little suspicious. Both of them are the biggest liars in the world. Their excuse is “it is a shallow fault” and we are nowhere in that neighborhood.

    Yeah? And if frogs had wings … they wouldn’t bump their hinnies when they hopped.

    It will happen.

    DS

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  2. Highly informative and, as always, interesting post. I’m not sure what the answers are, but you made points worth pondering. The ring? There’s no way that guy found that ring. I already consider him a goofball for spending 10K on a ring… but that’s just me.
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    I have to agree, as I said in the post, “pretty much doubtful” that he found it, and as for the $10K that is kind of suspect too. I am no piker, but her rings (Cup Cakes’ my parsimonious grocery shopper and mate) cost a little over $3500 some thirty-odd years ago, and I cannot even fathom someone young in today’s economy spending that kind of money for a ring.

    Last time I heard a good dump story was a couple from Tulsa threw away a winning lottery ticket and when they went to the dump and tried to find and retrieve it, they were arrested for trespassing.

    Now THAT is believable.

    Don

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    • I can’t top the dump story but I didn’t throw a 2 caret diamond ring down the laundry shoot that I had pinned to the scrubs I was wearing. I didn’t even think about and had to go back to the hospital and me and four other people went through the hospitals dirty laundry until we found the scrubs I was wearing. I was heart sick until someone yelled “I found them.” Joy returned to my heart and I was so thankful.
      ****************
      Pretty cool.

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  3. NO EARTHQUAKES ALLOWED out there! Ya hear me!

    Great article, had some chuckles. Mind if I get a rain check on the Panda Tea? Like for another time when you are serving something a bit more palatable, like chocolate grasshoppers!???!

    *********

    Loud and clear! (No shakers) It was supposed to make you chuckle it was filed under “humor” after all.

    Glad you liked it, get your headlights working?

    DS

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