Long Care Pitfalls

I AM WALKING THRU A GARDEN BUT IT AINT PARADISE.  I HAVE TASTED EDEN’S APPLE …

BUT IT DID NOT KILL THE PAIN … GIVE ME THE NEEDLE AND BURY IT DEEP.  

WHY AM I TYPING IN ALL CAPS … ISN’T THERE A KEY FOR THIS SOMEWHERE?

Here are a few ways to convince everyone you meet in 2012 that you are an old geezer.

Moan and groan a lot, every chance you get complain about your health problems to anyone who is willing to listen and just happens to be younger than you.  Call the Oklahoma Medical Board to see how many patients your doctor has killed lately.  Mourn the loss of a pet, person, acquaintance who has been gone for at least one month or longer.  Cry in public for no apparent reason and start every sentence with “do you remember when?”  Get all emotional and wrapped in a tight wad watching old re-runs of Little House On The Prairie and wondering whatever became of that little Ingles girl?

Freely admit to getting up in the morning feeling lousy, admit to depression or loneliness, express a feeling of loss or nostalgia for the past.  This could be for a time of life, something personal or even historical in nature.  Superbowl games do not count.  You could for instance, grieve the loss of your hair, your manhood, or your favorite bird dog.

Turn yourself into the modern day equivalent of a “Mountain Man” or a “Disinclined Recluse.”  American society looks with suspicion on old people who demand to be left alone to deal with aging in their own way.  Develop a personal relationship with your children, they are after all, the people who pick out your nursing home.

One must look neither too needy for companionship nor too content with solitude to be considered a role model for healthy aging rather than a discontented geezer or crone.  It is a somewhat fine line, but it is a goal capable of achieving, even if you are a tab bit forgetful here lately.

Concentrate on the important issues of the day.  Something like:  Why is it when the news is on, they crawl this thing across the bottom of the screen with all this basically useless information and then when the commercial comes on, they take it off?  All of sudden, it is not as important as it once was and we no longer need to see it?  Which is basically the way your grandchildren describe you to their friends.

Why is it when you go to play ball with your buddies, they choose you last, and when you get hit with the ball, you cry, and then everyone goes home.  Why is it when you run as fast as you can to the bright white light, when you get there, the mothership is always gone.

2012 …  January and it is all about time, how much you have left is anyone’s guess, how much of it that is used up is another question, what remains is to be seen  … Use it or lose it is what my Daddy used to say.  2012 firmly planted on the horizon as 2011 slowly fades away

Perhaps it is time to give some serious thought to my retirement:  Think of me in the spring of 2012, will you?  “Living in Florida with my pants pulled up to my armpits. And doing my best to remember where it was that I left my wife?”

OOO