The Power Of Words

Here is something to stir your soul, to make you appreciate the life you have been given, it should make your day … pass it around.

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I find myself standing in the bathroom, 4:20 A.M., and thru the window I can see the Yellow Harvest Moon heading for the horizon and I think to myself, “I don’t have a thing for the webpage this morning, nothing.”  Man, I hate it when that happens.  I stumble to the kitchen, to make me another cup of ambition (as Dolly Parton would say) and the coffee filters stick together.  I twist them, I pick at them, I curse under my breath.  Loading the pot, I slink into the bedroom for a quick good morning shower and get dressed.  Some eight to ten minutes later, I head into the kitchen for my cup of Joe and discover I neglected to turn on the power … No coffee.

Man, I hate it when that happens.

I suspect it is going to be another fun day.  It is not as if there isn’t anything here to read, surely there is something.  There is always something.  This past week for instance, the most popular posts were as follows:  Top Posts (the past week):  Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  Sneak Into America(audio)  Monday Morning Mega-Meltdown Goin With The Flow  The Worry Tree  How Old Am I?  My Favorite Animal Eagle Bus Project Files   At one point, someone had been rummaging around all the way back to 2008 for one post, and it kind of gave me a charge re-reading it myself.  I had completely forgotten about writing that commentary (Skinny Dipping With Grandpa).

But that, was another day, right now, I have this one on tap to contend with.

Missing You:  Billy Raye Cyrus has a daughter named Miley (I believe), she has a new title out on the CMT network it is entitled “You are going to make me lonesome when you leave.”  Guess she is crossing over to the big time now and giving up the Disney child star status and moving on.  I don’t believe she is right, you can be lonesome as all get out, and no one leaves.  You can be living in the same house, under the same roof with a woman or a man, and still find yourself lonesome.

Music isn’t always correct in its appraisal of life.

Love Hurts:  A review released this month by University of Arizona researchers found that divorced adults are at a higher risk of an early death than married adults. The effects of a split can be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, being overweight or drinking heavily, according to the report.  One 2006 study found that middle-aged women, in particular, are at a greater risk of cardiovascular disease than married women of the same age. Cancer and mobility issues have also been linked to the after-effects of a long-term romantic separation.  If you are not buying into any of this, have you seen a recent picture of Demi Moore lately?

Grin and Bear It:  Did you know that you can actually take more pain in life, if you will just laugh it off?  Researchers at Oxford University asked volunteers to watch either a comedy or a documentary, and then applied painful levels of cold or pressure was applied to their arms.  The volunteers who had laughed hard during their videos could withstand 10 percent more pain that those who’d only giggled or who hadn’t been amused at all.  Remember that the next time you are roped into watching Dancin With The Stars or the X-Factor guys.

Bad News Is Back:  There is an old saying, “People who do not learn from their mistakes, are prone to repeat them.”  I don’t know where it came from, but it often rings true.  Americans are raking up credit card debt again.  After actually reducing debt in 2009 and adding just $9 billion new new credit card debt last year, consumers are projected to put another $54 billion on plastic this year.

The Who, What, Where, When and Why of it all:  I was recently asked by a friend of mine, why I write these daily posts. It seemed like a simple enough question, but the truth is, I was stumped. Why do I write these each day? Not for money certainly, although I continue to hold out hope. Is it a creative exercise from which I derive great pleasure? Not really. I’ve always felt that the act of writing isn’t nearly as enjoyable as the feeling that comes from “having written.”

So why do I do it? Well, after careful consideration I’ve come to believe that had I been even a moderately successful people pleaser or awkward at best a communicator of some sorts, in my formative years, I would feel little compulsion to communicate now.   This leads me to wonder, would it have been appropriate to have told the friend that I write these posts because I was incapable of expressing myself as a youngster, a situation which caused me unbearable anguish and is only now beginning to slowly fade away?

Maybe. But I didn’t.

I told him I write them because it’s fun. And this leads me to a question: if he’s questioning me about my writing, what kind of miserable childhood did he have?  What is it that he did for fun?

Or better yet, what is the definition of fun?

A woman I know, goes to the Indian Casino’s quite regularly, she told me that she “had found a slot machine that was really fun.”  So I asked her to tell me about it, she said, “Oh, I play it all the time, and it is a real hoot.”  So naturally I said, “Do you win?” and she said, “No.  I never win.  Last time I played it it took $400 from me.

Yeah, that sounds like fun to me.

Let’s say you know two good looking women, one is a waitress at a restaurant that you frequent, the other is a cashier at Lowe’s.  Both women are about the same age, height and look rather nice.  One when you meet her, she always wants to know “how your wife is doing?” and stuff like that.  The other one, when she see’s you walking up, she quickly reaches up and takes off her glasses (to make herself more attractive I suppose), she will grab your hand, give it a little squeeze and then say …  “I have not seen you in such a long time now.”  Which one do you suppose a guy would give the most attention to?

Which one do you suppose would be the most fun?

I hit the publish button and I am finished.  Slowly I get up and head for the kitchen for one more cup of Joe.  My old bones are slow to respond and I kind of have a little hitch in my giddy-up this morning.  One more is in the bag #1163 … My work is done, I am not sure if it was that much fun to tell you the truth.

I hate it when that happens.

OOO

Monday Morning Mega-Meltdown

Six Miles Outside Of Clovis NM

WordPress Junk Files January:  Fresh Pressed 01-04 …. “Snowboarding post, high in the Rocky Mountains where the snowboarder finds himself gasping for air at 10,000 feet above sea level, a place generally reserved for mule deer, mountain goats, and the skeletal remains of the pioneering Donner party.  The ill fated Donner party met their demise in the Sierra Nevada Mountains outside Truckee California not in the Rockies.  So much for “checking for accuracy and source material” before being Fresh Pressed huh?

If I see that J.C. Penny Commercial one more time with the women screaming at the top of their lungs, I am going to go bonkers.  That has to be the worst commercial currently running on television these days.  How they equate screaming with a desire to shop, I will never know.  My girlfriend on Trop 50 has a new one out, and it is a kick in the you-know-what.  You Had Work Done? 

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.  ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.  Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand,

and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

No good huh.  Well, whadya want for free?

Do you know what a woman’s’ thong and a barbwire fence have in common?

They both restrict access … but they don’t spoil the view.  One thing we can all agree on, “they are not for everyone.

Now here is something to boast about.  I have not watched one episode of the new season of American Idol … Not one minute of it.  I deserve an award.  It is almost as if I am on the twelve step program concerning reality television.  Come to think of it, I never won an award, trophy or prize in my life.

One time when I was about 10 or 11 years old, I ran a race and my father came to watch me.  I didn’t do so well, came in about 8 or 9th as I remember.  On the way home, my father took his watch off, and handed it to me.  Not a new watch, and old watch, but to a ten year old kid, this is a big thing.

Taking it, I put it on my wrist and said to my father, “I didn’t win the race.  Why are you giving me this?” and he said, “Well, I am not giving it to you for winning, I am giving it to you for trying.”

That is better than any old trophy.

Try this one.  Ready?  Two candy bars for two dollars, or one at the regular price.  Better yet, ready?  Two KING-SIZED candy bars for three dollars or one at the regular price.  My old man used to squeal like a stuck pig when I asked him for two bits (a quarter) for a coke AND a candy bar.

I don’t understand.  Girls with tattoos’, what is up with that?  Guys with pierced lips and eyebrows.  I just cannot figure it out to beat the band.

Some more things I do not understand:

Popcorn Chicken … What in the world is that?
Anyone?
Buffalo Wings … Uh huh, sure.
New Sexy Hair (only $13) and I just have to chuckle, no really, I just have to.
New Skin?  Yeah, I know.  Think about it.
Let’s eat out:  “Chase every skillet bite with one of five lip-smacking, fruity fusion favorites.”  Cool, tangy and loaded with “Ah.”
Uh huh, sure.
Maybe it is just me … but I just don’t get it.

Now this, this is really something else.  Try it, it will blow you away.  A super cool optical illusion 

A brand new week on tap, make it or waste it, as always, your choice.

One way or the other … It is all up to you.

OOO


New World

Sorry I am late with my hauling this morning.  I am going to the multiple personalities meeting this weekend in the city.  I am in charge of the name tags, and I was up half the night, filling them suckers out!  So ……. Let’s get on with it.

“Towards the end time, there shall be signs and wonders in the heavens, never seen before.”

A newly discovered planet some 36 light years away has the best odds of supporting life as we know it.  Being somewhat curious, I looked it up.   The speed of light in vacuum, usually denoted by c, is a physical constant important in many areas of physics. Its value is 299,792,458 metres per second, a figure that is exact since the length of the metre is defined from this constant and the international standard for time.[1] In imperial units this speed is approximately 186,282 miles per second.

Not exactly close by …  And it takes “36 years to get there” at this speed.  Now 186,292 per second, times one year, is a little bit over 31,000,000 seconds and we are still 35 years out.  Best take a lunch.

This new planet, HD 85512B, is roughly 3.6 times the size of  Earth and orbits within its star’s Goldilocks zone — a region neither too hot nor too cold to harbor water.  As I sit here, I can hear all of you, sitting there reading this and snickering to yourselves, “Goldilocks Zone?” and mumbling out loud, “how stooooopid does he think we are?”  If by chance this is a moment of self doubt, try to see how it is you are stretching yourself, and welcome the opportunity for growth.  Like Dr. Phil is fond of saying …. How’s that workin’ for ya?

Believe it or not, there are such places, perhaps not in this world, but in the parameters of space.  You have to remember, the people who named all of this, are the very same people you made fun of in high school, with pocket protectors full of #2 pencils and pens, brown shoes and always had their science project done and in on time.

Anyway, getting back to the scientific portion of the post.

Given enough cloud cover, temperatures on HD 85512B could range between 85 and 120 degrees, making the surface a lot like Oklahoma, really muggy, but not inhabitable.  By the way, we do not have a Goldilocks in Oklahoma, but we have a close second, Gotebo.

Check your Rand McNally.

This planet actually is among 50 that astronomers have discovered, and one of twenty, which appear to be “super Earths” meaning they’re not much larger than our own and the orbit is much the same.  All of this is happening right in our own backyard, The Milky Way, and as telescopes continue to expand and improve, the odd’s of finding another Earth increase exponentially.

Say in the next 10 to 20 years?

Always nice to discover a little thing about life that you did not know to begin with.  There is, beyond disbelief, hope for mankind, we still can learn and observe all that is around us.  Not only that, but we can name it just about anything that we want, no one is driving over there any time soon, to check it out.

So to recap Boys & Girls ….  We have just learned that 96% of the universe is made up of stuff we don’t understand, can’t measure, and, until very recently, didn’t even know existed. Personally, I find this extremely reassuring. A big mystery in my life is finally solved.

I mean, think about it.

I now understand why my first marriage went down the tubes.  Much like a Kamikaze in a steep dive, lit up in flames.  My unrequited love, a river of fear and I was too stupid to pick up an oar and row.

Now I know why it didn’t stand a chance, when we were both so clueless regarding the fundamental nature of everything. On a very deep, quantum level, I feel vindicated.  It is as if the doors of the heaven’s opened wide and out poured a generous helping of an analogous discrete amount of another physical quantity, such as momentum or a powerful lithium induced electric charge.

This could very well be where the scientific expression “it knocked my socks” comes from, I dunno?

In fact, I’m thinking of sending a note to my ex-very-special-someone.  Something along the lines of, “I told you that dark energy wasn’t just coming from me. It was in you, the coffee table, your mother – it was all around us.”

Unfortunately, I don’t know which truck-stop she is working on Thursday’s this month.

OOO

How Old Am I?

Stay with this — the answer is at the end.  It will blow you away.

I was born before:  television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.  In my day there were no:
  credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens, Xbox, email, Facebook or a twitter was from eating really cold ice cream.  
Man had not yet invented: pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and Neil Armstrong hadn’t yet walked on the moon.

We got married first, and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, “Sir.” And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, “Sir.” 
 I was born before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.  

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.  Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.  Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.  Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CD’s, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios.   And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.  Elvis was a skinny kid from Memphis and the Super Bowl was where you would find the fresh cut strawberries.

If you saw anything with “Made in Japan” on it, it was junk.  The term “making out” referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, Burger King and instant coffee were unheard of.  We sat on the front porch and when neighbors came down the street, we waved. 

That was a drive by.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel, seven cents if you kept the bottle.  A haircut was .75 cents and a movie, two-bits.  Pack of Marlboro’s was .25 cents.  And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.  Crack was a uh, uh, old plumber’s joke, sorry.

You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, but who could afford one?   Too bad, because gas was only 11 cents a gallon.

Back in the day: “grass” was mowed, “coke” was a cold drink, “pot” was something your mother cooked in and “rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby. “Aids” were helpers in the Principal’s office,”chip” meant a piece of wood, “hardware” was found in a hardware store and “software” wasn’t even a word.  A car was used and not pre-owned, a salesman sold it to you, not a finance specialist.

We were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.  We were also the generation that was supposed to have lived without a war … didn’t happen.  Abortion was considered murder and not a lifestyle choice.  Genocide was indiscriminate killing not ethnic cleansing.  Civilians were PEOPLE and not collateral damage.

How old do you think I am?

You are in for a shock. 

Are you ready?

This person would only be 59 years old, and would have been born in 1952. 

Now if that isn’t good enough for you, think about this, look up the end of the Civil War and get ready for that.  It wasn’t all that long ago …  No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap.

OOO

Thanks to Art in Nevada for the idea and input.

Tuesday Rant

I am kind of depressed this morning, so bear with me, I thought it was going to be bad, until I remembered something.  “Somewhere there is a Mr. Nancy Pelosi” and then all of a sudden, I felt better.  Ron Paul refused to be searched by an airport TSA screener recently.  He isn’t even President, but is starting to act like one.

Perhaps that is our whole problem in this country anymore, maybe we do need a King.

While we are at it, a TSA worker has been fired after finding a vibrator in an air passengers’ luggage and then putting in a sarcastic note saying, “Get your freak on girl.”  Makes me wonder what my  note might read after TSA got done searching mine?

You ever place a message inside a bottle and then toss it into the ocean?  Long before it was gauche’ to NOT do such things, I did it.  Never did hear from anyone on the bottle I tossed into the surf one Saturday at Santa Cruz.  When Saki Arikawa sealed a selection of keepsakes in a bottle and threw it into the sea of Southern Japan five years ago, she like me I suppose, hardly imagined she would ever see it again.

The Japanese girl’s bottle was recovered on a a Hawaiian beach, with its bounty still very much intact. Four origami figures and a photograph of Arikanwa’s elementary school class.  She is now 17 years of and was so inspired by the discovery that she organized a reunion with a dozen old classmates, she had not seen in years.

Here is another one for the “common sense files.” (I ought to start a regular weekly feature of these things)

A disabled Ohio man has been ordered to stop selling vegetables from his front yard.  He was earning a few dollars selling tomatoes, broccoli, and peppers which helped him supplement his SS checks.  But officials told him its illegal to sell produce from a private home, so now the man will have to give his vegetables away.  In Oklahoma they shut down a ten year old for selling bags of fertilizer around the neighborhoods.  He was scooping up the poop in the horse pen, and then the young entrapnewer was selling it house to house.  They said he had to stop, because he did not have a “biz lic.”  There goes the lemonade stand on the corner this summer I guess?

Not your sharpest knife in the drawer.

A thirty-one year old man applied for a job as a jailer in Warren County, Miss.  During his background check, police discovered that he was wanted for DUI manslaughter in Florida, so he was arrested and jailed.

In Missouri, a customer at a Taco Bell came back with a shotgun after he discovering that the Taco Bell worker had failed to put hot sauce in with his order.

The superintendent of Staunton, Virginia’s schools apologized to 31 teachers for accidentally raising their salaries.  He blamed the mistake on a combination of human and computer error and told the teachers they’d have 24 months to repay the extra money.

Man, man, what a guy!

Wife walked into the living room last night and the television was shrieking …. “DIE, DIE, DIE, EXECUTE THEM! YEAH KILL ‘EM ALL” and she asked me, “
Did you buy a new video game?” and I just smiled, and said “No hon, it is just the GOP debates.”

Out on the left-coast of America they are building a new San Francisco/Oakland Bay Bridge.  The old (50+ years) bridge is being replaced with a new earthquake proof model being built alongside it.  Which is kind of ludicrous, because you cannot make anything earthquake proof.

Ask the Japanese, they will tell you.

Several key components of the new bridge including a mile-long cable made up of 137 steel sinews (strands) were manufactured in China.

By doing this outsourcing, much of the work on the new bridge was done abroad, and the state says, it saved $400 million.  They are building a huge wind-farm south of my place, all of the turbines are coming in from Brazil.

Everyone is out of work … and we shop overseas, it is just nuts.

This is why they say Mr. Obama is running for a second term, he doesn’t want to have to look for a job in this sorry economy.

Several Hollywood stars called in the FBI to investigate matters concerning their cellphones.  It seems a small gang of phone hackers are hacking cellphones of the rich and famous, and then downloading the photo’s and posting them on the Internet.  One woman had some naked shots posted and another famous woman had a shot of her kissing another girl put up.  I have pictures in my phone that are over two years old, and I have yet to discover how to get them out of there.

That is the way it goes.

It’s a typically sunny day here at the Goat Farm, with a slight chance of rain.  I suppose where you are it is nice.  Kids are flying their kites, a mom pushes a stroller.  Senior citizens are doing Tai Chi.

You are standing at the kitchen window drinking your cup of coffee and smiling.  Why?  Because both of the deer showed up this morning and they are headed towards the water bucket for a little taste of something good and cool.  Now you can relax a little bit and not worry so much.

Me?

I am picking up landscape timbers from the driveway, placing them on the tractor and then taking them to the barn, and stacking them out back.  It is a tough job … but someone has to do it.

Now for the scary part of the post.  Hillary Clinton is now the most popular national political figure in the United States.  64% of Americans are now saying they have a “very favorable” opinion of her.  34% say the country would be better off if Bill Clinton was our President.  47% say it would be about the same.  29% say John McCain if he were President.

And 85% of everyone I contacted yesterday didn’t really give a ______ one way or the other.

You see, “As much as we all desire change … Things remain basically about the same.”  Just ask all those steel workers sitting at home, who could have been working on the Bay Bridge.

Life moves on ….

OOO

Badd Sex

For some strange reason, sex has been the hot button topic in the mailbox the last week or two.  Even find it on wordpress or rather the “promise of it” but it did not materialize.  Here is one.  Blogging tips:  (http://ashleyjillian.com/2011/11/24/blogging-tips-delivered-sex/) Those blogging tip articles written by self-proclaimed social media gurus are as stuffy and stale as the awful suites they wear to work.  These are from a 23 year-old who wears Levi’s and bright orange Ray Bans, so take them as you will. (Dear Levi’s and Ray Bans, e-mail me)  There is a special prize at the end of this post.  

Wow, the main body consisted of almost 2,000 words (1,949) and when you add in the comments (about 75), that jacks it up to almost 7,000 (6,425) words.  That is a lot of stuff to get through even on a good day.  (And I thought MY posts were long in the tooth?)  Incidentally, there was no prize at the end of the post that could be seen, not that it isn’t all that important, there was no sex either.  Maybe it is just being desperate to get your hit count up for the day, but I don’t understand it.

Here is another.

A Zimbabwean man arrested for having sex with a donkey told the court the animal was a shape-shifting human prostitute.  He claimed he paid $20 to a woman he met in a nightclub, and that at some point after leaving the club she must have transformed herself into a donkey and tied herself to a tree.  “Your worship” he told the judge, “I only came to know that I was being intimate with a donkey when I got arrested.”

Uh yeah, sure.

Must be a week for poor sex etiquette and questionable emails?  I also got this one which was said to have been in the Washington Post… which I really cannot believe.  The title of the article was ‘Best Come Back Line Ever.’  In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session he decided to stop.  You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside and there was no one around for miles ‘or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around’, he stated in a telephone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need.  ‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.  In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Officer Taylor.  ‘I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.’ Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.  I said, ‘Excuse me sir but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?  He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then he looked me straight in the face and said… ‘A pumpkin?  Damn! …. Is it midnight already?’

More sex?  Why not?

Did you know that the German Catholic Church is a leading purveyor of smut.  Last month a book industry newsletter broke the news, that germany’s largest bookseller, Welbild, is wholly owned by the Catholic Church.  One of its best selling subsidiaries is Blue Panther Books, an erotica imprint that carries titles such as ____ Boarding School, Lawyer’s Whore, and F—-kable.  (Blanks are optional)  They also earn a lot of money printing up regular issues that covet magic, satanism and print regular commentaries from well known atheists.  So it appears that in Germany, the church is still busy preaching chastity and at the same time selling porn.

Go figure.

A kid moves to a new town, enrolls in school and begins life a new.  One day at his locker, a hot blond from his history class comes up to him and says, “You want to take me to the drive-in tonight, I will show you a little piece of heaven.”

So he says, “You bet.”

After school, he trots down to the local drugstore and discretely asks the druggist, “I am new in town, and I have this hot date tonight, but I don’t have any protection, can you sell me some condoms?”  The druggist thinks about it a little, and remembers his now long forgotten youth, says, “What the hey?” and sells the kid the condoms.

That night he drives over to the girls house to pick her up and she invites him into the living-room to meet the family.  They are all sitting around a table playing a popular board game.

The boy exclaims, “Monopoly!  I am crazy about Monopoly” and he sits down and plays for the next three hours with the family.

Later on, as he is walking out to the car, the blond girl goes with him and says, “Man, I had you figured all wrong.  I thought you were somebody, but all you want to do is sit around and play Monopoly when I was all set to show you a good time?”

He looks at her, and says, “Yeah?  Well, that was before I found out your Dad was a druggist.”

So much for the early 2012 sex report.

OOO

Really Ungood Man

Two thirty A.M. and I cannot sleep.

The coffee pot in the kitchen is sending its secret code and I am sitting here in my shorts, wondering why is it so many fast food restaurants (and I use that term loosely) sell “super sized” meals.  Is it because the poor and the disadvantaged amongst us, feel more powerful when they can order something super-sized.  Ordering a giant meal is an easy way for people with low social status to feel temporarily powerful and important.  Perhaps the jumbo size is a relatively cheap way for people who feel helpless, to enjoy a “momentary catharsis.”  That could be one of the reasons that obesity rates are the highest among those with low incomes.

Why did ancient artists paint spotted horses on the cave walls?  That is another interesting question for me this early Friday morning.  Did they actually see spotted horses or were they just making all of this crap up some 25,000 years ago.  Perhaps it was raining on that day, and they could not get out of the cave.

Hang on to your BFF (Best Friend Forever as the youngsters are prone to say) it may be the last one you ever have. 

A recent study of people on Facebook, has shown that Americans have fewer close confidants now than they did a generation ago.  Cornell University sociologist surveyed 2,000 adults and found that on average they had only two friends with whom they could discuss “important matters” down from three in 1985.  (Which is 2.7 more than I had at the same time)  Maybe if they had just used Dial Soap like all the commercials on television imply.

The vast majority of us it appears seem to be friendless.  It sort of makes sense for me personally, I always felt that computers would tend to isolate most of us, having to no longer go out and communicate with others, we have morphed into a modern day clone of the guy in the cave drawing his spotted horses.

We just email it and let it fly.  You no longer have a personal confidant that you can ask about the ugly thing growing in your right armpit or if these waders make my butt look big … Stuff like that.

Now here is one that I really liked, this one was a hoot. 

(That is an Okie expression that BFF use all the time, it means it was somewhat humorous)

I wonder about a lot of things in life (what else is there to do at two-thirty in the morning).  Sitting here listening to the Judd’s singing “River Roll On”  and taking issue with the items in life that often tear at my ragged soul.  Here is one:  “Anyone watch the “Peoples Awards” on the tube last night, now there was a real yawner.  I put it up right up there with another Obama Speech or a bad case of the Asian Flu whichever comes first.

A product of the American dream, growing up healthy in a vibrant economy and a fairly safe city, tended to make me even more curious in life.  For instance, where did the expression “Oh well, there goes another one down the drain” come from?  Another what?  My old man used to say, “Life is like a sewer, you only get out of it, what you put into it.”  Where do we come up with these little ditties in life.

But is that really true?

Not long ago, Jefferson County, Alabama, filed the largest municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history.  The county which happens to contain the Jewel of the South, Birmingham, had reached a deal with creditors to finally do a reconstruct on most of its total $4 billion dollar debt.  A debt which it is said that grew out of poor accounting methods and corruption on a sewer project.  (Nice blend huh?  Yeah, I know I cannot help it)  So in the end, the final tally, my old man wasn’t exactly right … In this case, they didn’t get back anything out of the sewer but they sure as _____ put a lot into it.  They have a word for it in the south, it is called “ungood.”

“Like dude, that sewer thang man that was totally ungood for Y’all.”

Now if you will excuse me, I must beg off and depart for the rest of this day and most of the weekend I am sure.  I have to research and discover the source and meaning of the expression “fine and dandy.”  Which I never really understood.  I have been a lot of things in my life, but I have never been BOTH fine and dandy at the same time.  Really do not understand why people, when asked, “Hey how are you doing?” will respond with “Oh, just fine and dandy.”

Sometimes I am fine.  But I’m not all that often … dandy.

I could be in the general vicinity of dandyhood, but to tell you the truth, I would most likely not even notice on most days.  One time in the late sixties, in San Francisco, lying on a blanket in Golden Gate Park with Susie Mathews, I was both fine and dandy at the same time.  But Y’know nobody asked me how I was.  I could have told ‘em, “Me?  I am just fine and dandy” and now all these years later I look back on it and consider it a lost opportunity.

If you are not too busy on Monday stop by our little watering hole and we will discuss the word Anthropomorphizing …

Here I will use it in a sentence for you.  “A South African man was savagely chewed to death by a 2,400 pound hippopotamus he kept as a pet.  The victim had always stated that Humphrey was like a son to me, he’s just like, y‘know human.

Believe it or not, when we first moved to the country, the wife and I talked about maybe getting a hippo, but in the end, we gave it up.  We just figured it would not get along with the spotted horses, and hippo’s of course, require a really big pond.  Ours is not all that big.

Like I said before, come on by Monday.  As most Mondays are usually a slow day, we can look into matters even deeper.  Maybe if we have time, we can hit on the expression … “Fork In The Road” (Now C’mon … Really) that has always been a favorite of mine along with spotted horses and women who wear dental-floss bikinis.  If you have one (favorite expression) comments section is open, give it a shot.

That’s it boys & girls, 3:22 A.M. and it is down the road I go, feeling 100% confident that my work here is done for the day, which is about what I feel like about 100% of the time.  If you happen to be somewhere where it is cold and dreary this morning, bundle up and stay warm, pour yourself a cup of Joe, and call a friend, your BFF would love to hear from you I am sure.

Have a great weekend.

OOO