Thong!

All I want for Christmas

We are kicking off Christmas Week here at Creative Endeavors, each day a different rendition of your favorite Christmas song …. And as is our practice and when practical, we will included “absolutely free” the lyric’s of each song. 

Christmas Week At Creative Endeavors From now until Christmas Day 2011. Tell all your friends and most importantly …. Enjoy.

Thong!

What a delightful gift idea

Thong!

Magical shorts that disappear

Buy your loved one this noel
The kind of gift you can’t resell
Because it kind of smells
If someone else has tried it on

Thong!

You could be dancing cheek to cheek

Thong!

Wiggle the string play hide and seek

Buy your workmate or your boss
The proctologic dental floss
That really works a hair across
His astronomic bum

Thong

The wife sent me to ChinaMart.  Which is not a nice thing to do to the person you love, send them off to a SuperCenter that is packed with all these people trying to find “the” perfect gift for the Holiday Season …. Or as I affectionately refer to it …… Buying copious loads of crap made in China.

Our lives are full of things.

Disposable distractions stuff you buy but you never cherish, own yet never love.  Thrown away in weeks rather than passed down to the next generation.  Perhaps this year things will be a little different, not a whole lot of disposable income floating around this year, unless you are on the government bail-out train, so choices may be made with greater care.  After all, if the fewer things you own always excite you, would you really miss the many that never could?

The absolute worst gift you can give someone is a fruit cake.  Fruitcakes are evil, when the world finally ends and there is nothing left but charred ashes and bugs, microscopic animals, there will still be at least five perfectly preserved fruit cakes somewhere on the planet.  You see, “there is only ONE FRUITCAKE in the entire world (The Mother of All Fruit Cakes) and people keep sending that same cake to one and another.

As my mentor Dave Barry is prone to say … “The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish looking cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet.  Be sure to wear Safety Glasses.” You can take the rum out of a fruitcake, but you still will have a fruitcake in the end.

Personally, I would rather have a good glass of Glogg. 

A hot spiced wine and liquor punch served in Scandinavian countries by long legged slender blond headed women wearing a thong and softly humming Christmas Musak … 

I am really getting into this Christmas stuff this year. 

I really am.

OOO

RELATED:  WINTER WUNDERLAND

One thought on “Thong!

  1. I read somewhere that the Egyptians packed fruit cake bread in the coffins of loved ones. Apparently, they felt it was the only food that could survive the journey into the afterlife.

    Interesting find in holiday tunes…
    =============================================
    I remember the first time I saw a fruit cake, my grandmother had sent it out to my parents as a Christmas gift one year. I cut off a piece of it, and shoved it down my neck, only to spit it out, and then I asked my mom, “Is there something wrong with this? I doesn’t taste right.”

    Never quite developed a taste for it, to this day, I disdain the very sight of one.

    If your daughter went to the University of Texas and she studied Egyptology and plumbing, do you know what she would be called?

    A Pharaoh Faucet Major.

    (Groan, yeah I know …Whadya expect for free?)

    Don

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