Too Ambitious

Strong powers of concentration.

New York Public Library officials announced that viewing Internet porn on library computers is a constitutional right and is protected by the First Amendment.  Even they say “if the groaning disturbs other patrons in the library”

In other words, you can watch whatever you want in the New York Public Library.

Have you ever wondered which state has the highest subscription rate to online porn?  (I am sure this is a popular topic around the water cooler on Monday mornings … “Say Stan, have you noticed all the body hair is now gone?”)  Believe it or not, the state with the highest number of porn subscriptions is Utah, the home of Orrin Hatch that marvelous guy in Washington who hates just about everything across the board.

So sneaky readers or perverse consumers of evil … Word of caution.

In Oklahoma, if caught, you will immediately be taken to a fresh plowed field of winter wheat, stripped, laid down, your butt tickled with a fresh cut barley weed and then summarily whipped with a half-limp-wet noodle.  “We don’t put up with that kind of ____ around here” was the exact quote I believe.  There is even more, we don’t seem to have much tolerance for the things of life in Oklahoma.  Here are few.

So be advised, use a little common sense for cryin’ out loud!  If you are posting this kind of naked-body-hairless stuff on your phone or webpage (sexting) always wear the monkey mask, that should give you some kind of protection and keep your identity safe (anon).

Don't do this at the library

Flying Jackie Chan

Hong Kong Airlines announced it is requiring its flight attendants to learn Wing-Chug a form of Kung Fu, to subdue unruly passengers.  “In the event” you have too many cocktails, they are instructed to slap your sorry butt back into your seat and immediately end your Barry Manilow karaoke session in business class post-haste.  Thank you for choosing Hong Kong Airlines.

Taxes …. Should the rich pay more?

Here is my take on it.  No.  If I can figure it out, you would think they could.  Believe it or not, the top 1% are paying 32% of the load.  Calling for more ruinous taxes on workers and success, destroys “the fundamental promise of America” itself.  My biggest fear, my #1 nightmare I could think of is “outliving my income” now that would be nasty.  It used to be walking in the dark, nude, and then backing into a buttered doorknob.

It must be true, I read it on the Internet.

The penguin keeper at a zoo in Germany had to stop wearing his favorite black and white rubber boots after a male penguin fell in love with them.  The penguin, known as Bonaparte, has been obsessed with his keeper’s boots since the start of mating season, evidently mistaking them for a female.

He would nuzzle them passionately and the keeper had to switch to blue colored boots until Bonaparte finds a flesh and blood mate.  Penguins are monogamous in nature, so it was the safe thing to do, switch boots, so he could move on.  I had the same problem with a guy I met on the beach in San Francisco the summer of 2006 while on vacation.

Where Are The Jobs?

This morning I am reading of a girl in LA who submitted 15 resumes last week and no replies.  Then when she signs up for unemployment they tell her she is “overly ambitious” because she wants to work at anything … even min. wage … she is told she is “overqualified” with a college education.  All this New World Global Economy stuff has me really concerned.  Our priorities are all wrong.  Kind of strange when you stop and think about all this non-sense or non-action going on right now concerning the unemployed and the down and out.

If nine fully loaded jumbo Jets crashed every year, something would be done about it.  Every year more than 4,000 teenagers die in car crashes.  We send children to bed hungry every night in this country, one in five Americans is now on food stamps.  We build roads and bridges in countries where most people ride a donkey to town and you cannot locate this place on a map or globe on any given day.  Still no one can find work.

Here is a novel idea:

Upgrade our nation’s roads, bridges, and other basic infrastructure:

18,000 new jobs for every $1 billion invested.

We need to tell our friends in Washington (what few we have left) that coming together is a beginning.  Keeping together is progress.  Working together is Success.  Try and remember that boys N girls, the next time you draft all this mind numbing legislation that frankly is getting us nowhere.

Year after year these clowns do this to us and WE allow it.  Sure makes a guy wonder why he even bothers to vote.

And if you vote for me …… Uh huh, sure.


Cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress