Junk Food Junkie

Well-well, the day after-the day after-Thanksgiving, most of us are done stuffing groceries down our neck, some of the women folk are back from the sales.  Probably safe to say a few of the guys are now recovering from a full blown highly charged cheering almost comatose viewing of the NFL on just about any channel on TV over the weekend.  In some states, if your husband watches more than four NFL games back to back?  You can have him declared “Legally Dead.”


This afternoon I find myself standing in the lobby of the Burger King, on another “shop until I drop mission” to town (she shops … I usually nap in the truck)  Carefully I survey the area.  After ensuring that my personal health care professional was nowhere to be found, I bravely step up to the counter and place my order with the kid.  He is young, bright and attentive, no open sores that I can see, this might just be my day?

I had something that I am not supposed to have today.  It was good, it had been a long time since I had one of these.  I had a Cheeseburger and an order of fries, number three washtub sized Diet Doctor Pepper.

It was sinfully delicious and I enjoyed every bite of it.

How do you justify irrational behavior like this?  Doing something that you know is wrong and you should not do.  In my case, I just try to locate someone who is worse off than myself, and that sort of justifies it (for me anyway).

Like Joey Jaws’ Chestnut the most recent winner of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York held each year at Coney Island.  Joey wolfed down 62 hot dogs in just a little under 10 minutes time.  He also won the lottery on bad cholesterol and other not so nice items the human body is not supposed to have.  His binge loaded up his digestive and cardiovascular systems with 19,158 calories, 1,246 grams of fat, 2,170 grams of cholesterol, and 42,408 milligrams of sodium.

At least I skipped the Apple Pie. 

And that was not all that easy to do believe me. 

They are pimping them off two for a dollar now …

And these days there aint a whole lot of value in a dollar.

Face it, we eat a lot, over the last three decades, Americans have gone from 3.8 meals per day to an average of 4.9 meals daily.  (Now don’t ask me about that, I am still trying to figure out what those 2.5 children per family look like from the last census report.)

You hear the one about the Census taker that goes up to the house and he is interviewing the woman who lives there and he says, “How many children do you have?” and she says, “Well, there is William, Martha, Peter, Charles, Billy, Donna and …. “ just then the census taker interrupts her and says, “What is the number?”  She looks at him, square in the eye and replies … “Well hell, we aint run outta names yet!

But I digress … I am sorry.

Pass me some of them tharr biscuits to help me sop up this gravy!

The average American now consumes 2,376 calories per day which is about 32 percent more since the 70’s.  And I was hammering down Twinkie’s and Ding Dongs like they were going out of style in those days.

Truth is, everything you eat is going to hurt you in some way, the trick is to find those things that are worth suffering for.  It appears that in my unique circumstance it is going to be a Cheeseburger every now and then.  I have become friends with my fat, and that is the end of the story.

Gotta run I understand that Paula Deen is on the Food Channel later on today and they are doing a road-kill Armadillo (Tastes Just Like Chicken Y’all).  Umm .. mmm Yummy, don’t want to miss that.