S.O.S. Upside Down And In Trouble

My neighbor came over the other day and asked me, “Have you been drinking lately?” and I responded, “No.  Why?” and then he pointed at the flag outside my shop on the flagpole that was clearly flying upside down.

He then said, “Well, your flag is upside down.

And I said, “Yeah, I know it.  It is an International sign of distress on the High Sea’s, if you are in trouble you rig up your standard in the upside down position.”

So clearly confused and caught off guard, he then says, “What in the #$#@##!! are you talking about?”

And I said, “I don’t know if you have noticed it or not, but this country is clearly in trouble.”

Welcome to my world, a world where some people still like me, even if I don’t smell like fresh rain.  We, as a race of people, a nation, need to get honest about all this, we are in dire straits, 49 million people in this country are on food stamps, one out of every six do not have anything to eat.  We are not educating our young and our industries are being shipped overseas.

We are in trouble.  

Hello, my name is Don, I am addicted to The Big Bang Theory and I freely admit that I never had my science project in on time.  It might  have been because the nature of the instruction and the assessments often reflect more of an ability to memorize facts and sit attentively than truly actually engage in science.  Although I am a graduate of High School, I cannot forge nor change your future, you have to do that.

I would also at this juncture like to admit that most of the time, when they are discussing quantum physics and all that other universal stuff on television, I haven’t a clue as to what they are talking about.  Yeah I know, what you are thinking that “he only watches that to gaze up the girl character Penny.”

Could be a sprinkling of truth in there too.

My science adventures in my now begotten youth, mainly consisted of being able to memorize things, not so much learn them.  A talent of sorts, but also a handicap later on in life, when students such as this are faced with “true science” further along in their academic careers they tend to get lost in the shuffle.

Memorizing instead of taking the time to learn they often find that they are under prepared for the creativity, analytical skills, and curiosity necessary to truly engage and be successful.  This why I watch the Big Bang Theory Boys & Girls, it is about as scientific as I am gonna get. (It also allows me to escape the everyday trials and tribulations of modern living)

Kind of sad, when you stop to think about it, most of the nation‘s youth are lacking in science skills, the Japanese, Germans, and others clearly are leading the way.  We seem to be fresh out of hero’s in our country.  The only people they have to emulate or look up to are sports figures and drug dealers.  This might be why they flock to the game-boy instead of the text book.

The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is boundless.  There is a fine line between wrong and visionary, unfortunately, you have to be visionary in order to see it.

The flag, my flag, is going to continue to fly upside down until someone can point out a clear cut difference to me.


Let JayLo Get Your Coffee

Walking into the living-room, I reach down and grab the remote to turn on the television.  The news is on, the announcer sitting all prim and proper with a huge stack of important papers, that he occasionally shuffles, says ….  “Tonight dismal home sales across the country are leading to economic disaster, stagnant unemployment reaches a new high, Obama cuts pipeline deal 22,000 jobs disappear into thin air, global economic worries continue to haunt Europe, street protests and arrests in New York and political gridlock seems to be the order of the day …..  But first, our lead story … A new study just released by the government today indicates that Happy People live longer!”

Now honestly folks, don’t you kind of pine or wish for the good old days, when the kid walked into the room and said to you … “I demand to speak with the Tooth Fairy!”

Glamour magazine has picked JayLo as the woman of the year in 2011.  She showed up in some glitzy-star sprinkled thingy on the music awards and it was eye candy for every single guy in America (and I suppose a lot of married dudes too).

Now while we are at it guys, if you happen to be reading this?  If your wife looks at you and says, “Do you think JayLo is sexy?” the proper reply is “No.”  Do not, under any circumstance say something totally stoopid like, “Yeah!  I mean Wow!  What guy wouldn’t think she was sexy?”

This will reserve you a prime spot in the backyard canine condominium (dog house).

Later on, as the wife got up to go to the kitchen, I inquired of her, “Hon, are you going to the kitchen?” and she said, “Yes.”  I then offered her my coffee cup and asked, “While you are in there, if you don’t mind, can you get me another cup of coffee?” and she put her hands on her hip and looked at me (with THAT look) and said … “Let JayLo get YOUR coffee!”

So again, the correct answer is …. “No.”

Ms. Lopez had more than a shimmering, nearly nude body suit in her arsenal to upstage her estranged husband, Marc Anthony, at the American Music Awards — she also made sure she performed before he did and with a much bigger production. The superstar “Idol” judge kind of rubbed his face in it, a little like a Britney Spears kind of naner-naner-naner.  She also appeared in true Britney fashion, appearing not to be wearing underwear, but that is another post of a different nature I suppose.

While we are on the subject of men and women?  Here is an email that we found in the box this week we would like to share with you.  A woman’s prayer and then a man’s prayer.

First the ladies prayer.

Before I lay me down to sleep … I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong … One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks … One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed … And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand … Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen … A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other … And relish visits with my mother.

And then there is the male version of the prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big hooters who owns a bar on a golf course,  and loves to send me fishing and drinking … This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t really care … Hand me the remote and then go get me a beer.

We sincerely hope that some of this has helped you thru your day, and if you are not locked down rock steady in your relationship with the man of your dreams, we can offer you a solution …  there is always an expert waiting in the wings … to help steer you down the path of life in your journey of commitment, here is the link.  How to Talk To Your Man 

Now as for me?

Well I am going back to the DVR for some much needed research I think I have that topless commercial of JayLo in a Fiat (not her, the car).  I also need to figure out why some guy named Bradley Cooper is voted the sexiest man alive … Guess I am relegated to the wanna-be list again, that sucks.

Every girl wants to be Lois Lane and all the guys want to be her Superman.  Me?  I just want to be in the top five.  Think about it.  Who actually wants to be the Sexiest Man Alive anyway … It surely would waste the me that I am already am.


For more of Ms. Lopez, click on the photo above.  Kudo’s to Art our correspondent in Reno, Nevada for the email prayer.