A North Carolina teen has won a legal battle to wear a nose stud to school by arguing she is a member of the “Church Of Body Modification.” Now this is certainly a stretch of anyone’s imagination, and I am really glad to see the courts are not wasting their time on such frivolous matters. It would be a downright shame if they were tied up with dealing with childish stupid teen-age issues, instead of adult problems.
Missed Six-hundred-thousand dollars on the lottery this weekend by three numbers, man, what you could do with Six-hundred-thousand dollars. Why, you could buy some fur lined house slippers, an electric dog polisher, fly to Chile in a rented jet and drink some Sweet Bitch Wine … the possibilities are endless. Trust that I would not waste any of it or spend it on frivolous pursuits, that is just not my nature.
Give Us Your First Born Male Child
Good news Mom and Dad, you are no longer going to have to teach your children American Values. Members of the new radical fringe of politics (Tea Party) will do it for you! A Tea Party group in Florida is offering a week long camp to teach kids that “America Is Good.” They are as an added bonus, teaching the kids that government-issued currency is worthless, and government cannot force you to be charitable. At the same time, they will be taught about the evils of socialism (in a sparsely furnished room which is supposed to represent Europe … I wonder if the furniture will have hair under its arms?). Isn’t this wonderful? Now we have been spared the boredom of teaching and sharing. All of this under the guise of educating children about what our nation is really about.
The old “I know it is true … I read it on the Internet gambit” is back.
Fans of lesbian bloggers were not too happy when the author of the liberated “Gay Girl In Damascus” blog acknowledged that in fact, he is a married American man who made it all up. A day later, the editor of lesbian news site “Lez Get Real: A Gay Girl’s View of the World” (I am not making this up peeeple!) admitted he was a 58-year old military man. Oh well, Don’t ask … Don’t tell. And yes, even after all this time, I still do not believe that Margaret & Helen is written by two old ladies … Sorry, but I just do not buy it.
Three things I don’t like about Rick Perry.
#1 His choice of suit and ties.
#2 He is from Texas.
#3 Uh, uh, I will get back to you on this.
HMO = Hand Over Yo Money Or Die
Stop blaming Grandma and Grandpa for the high cost of Health Care. If you want to blame someone, blame those poor unfortunates that are obese. It is often said that by living longer, old people run up big medical bills. But in reality, people who are healthy at age 70 will live an average of 14 more years before dying. At the same time they will be spending less than $10K per year on medical care.
The real threat to Medicare comes from people who enter into old age with serious weight problems. In the past, obesity doomed you to an early death or a spot on Dr. Phil or Oprah. But now we have better living thru chemistry, new advances in cholesterol cutting medicines and diabetes drugs, that prolong the lifespan of unhealthy people and keep them alive way into their seventies and early eighties.
These people are 42% more costly in medical bills than average Americans, and they are also more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, cancer and even dementia. Remember that the next time you hear some Nimrod spouting off on seniors and picking on Grandma and Grandpa for raising the cost of healthcare in this country. It just isn’t so.
A full 50% of American household are so “financially strapped and fragile” at this time that they say they certainly could not or probably could not, come up with $2,000 to pay an unexpected expense, according to the National Bureau of Economic Research. I have noted here of late, that a lot of folks are counting out change when they pay for their morning coffee or buying their smokes. They used to throw paper money out on the counter … Sign of the times Mr. Obama. Is this the change you were talking about? One thing I have learned about all this, “A man who can smile endlessly thru bad times, is someone who has figured out a way to blame it on everyone else.
Bus stop … Wet Day … She’s there … I say please share my Umbrella
(Old song I digress sorry)
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass-by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think about this before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS …
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: “I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to ‘Think Outside of the Box.’ HOWEVER … There is quite possibly ONE MORE answer to this dilemma. The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama’s health care won’t pay for her hospital visit anyway, have sex with the ultimate partner of my dreams on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.*
Don’tcha just love happy endings especially on Monday?
* Comments section is open, if you have a alternative ending then add it to the mix. We would love to hear it. Thanks to This Beach Called Life for the bikini shot. Kudo’s to Art in Reno Nevada for the idea for this post.