Speedos, Banana Slings, and Fairy Tales

Hugo Chavez, the current dictator in Caracas, Venezuela is moving all of the country’s gold from London back to Venezuela, all 211 tons of it.  He is sure that it will be attached or frozen by some government other than his own, so he is bringing it back to Venezuela.  It most likely will be used to finance his re-election campaign.

That is a lot of gold, but here is some real chump change.  It is reportedly the “largest gold coin” ever minted.  Let’s see you hide this one under the bed.

Los Angeles and several other cities around the country are reporting a new rise in robberies in area’s that deal specifically with gold.  With the price in the near $2K range, it just seems to bring out the worst in people.

In Cherokee country, Georgia for instance, they now require all gold buyers to fingerprint sellers and send their names to the sheriffs office.  Los Angeles police say jewelry-store owners aren’t the only ones who should be worried; they’re also warning members of the public “against flaunting their bling.”

Here in Oklahoma, we do not have this problem, our life savings consisting of a Folgers Coffee Can filled with spare change are well hidden and cleverly disguised, on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen.

A 61 year old beach lifeguard is suing New York state, claiming he was fired for refusing to wear a skin tight Speedo swimsuit.  He worked at Jones Beach for over 40 years before being told he must take his annual test in Speedo.  His answer?  “I wore a speedo when I was in my 20’s.  But come on.  There should be a law prohibiting anyone over the age of 50 from wearing a Speedo.”

Last year we were in Florida, and I could not even go down to the beach.

All the little kids would grab me by my ankles and started yelling to each other …. “Get him in the water before he dies!”  Then there is the matter of tan lines …  but we are not going there … No sir.  I have to agree, keep the banana slings for the younger set.  (Hey, don’t blame me.  WordPress.com says that your page is much, much more interesting with pictures!)

If you are still not convinced … For all you middle-aged-die-hards that want to look better in one of these, we have provided a link for you.  It’s all there … HOW TO LOOK BETTER IN  A SPEEDO … HOW TO INCREASE YOUR BULGE IN A SPEEDO … HOW TO WEAR A SPEEDO … HOW TO FIT INTO A BOY’S SPEEDO .. HOW TO LEARN TO SWIM IN  A SPEEDO AND LAST … SPEEDO ETIQUETTE.  Just click on the photo and make a wish.

(Speaking of making a wish?  Nice blend, yeah I know … Thanks)

Has anyone seen Tinker belle?

A Mexican man has captured what he says is a real-life fairy and preserved it in formaldehyde.  He says he was picking guavas when he saw something he initially thought was a firefly.  When he caught it, he saw an inch-long red-and-yellow humanoid creature, and “I know that it was a fairy godmother.”  (made me wonder if he has seen Elvis or any UFO’s lately?)

He hasn’t explained why it died.

Hundreds of local peasants have lined up to pay him to see preserved fairy in a glass bottle, which some say looks incredibly like a plastic toy.  Good lesson here.  If you catch a fairly, make sure you poke some air-holes in the bottle and do not pick guavas without a suitable head covering, when the sun gets high in the sky.

Here is a classic from the … Please don’t talk to me I am stupid files.

Long Beach, California police arrested a man for taking a photograph of “no aesthetic value.”  The man who takes photos for a local newspaper, was detained after snapping shots of an oil refinery.  Police say photography is considered “suspicious activity” if officers determine that it isn’t “regular tourist behavior.”

And you thought The Patriot Act or Sarah Palin was scary?

Consider this.

Rick Perry has never lost an election in 27 years of holding public office in Texas.  Might pay to remember .. “A politician is a man who will double-cross that bridge when he comes to it.”  When I look at this guy and then I think back to George Wubya, well, it just kind of curls the hair on the back of my neck.

Bar Hopping for dummies 101 ….

A new smartphone app guides drinkers to the closest purveyor of beer, and can be calibrated for favorite brand and cheapest price.  When asked what this app should be called, these were the clear cut winners.

EinStein
Head-hunter
IHops

I’ll drink to that …  Hump Day!  Hang in there wage slaves, you almost have it made.

OOO

3 thoughts on “Speedos, Banana Slings, and Fairy Tales

  1. If someone gave me that million dollar coin, I would be willing to buy a larger bed to hide it under.
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    Yea, me too. I would like to have some chump change like that sprinkled around the homestead.

    DS

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  2. This latest post brought to mind just how crazy it is that we have expectations of what a certain age group should/shouldn’t wear. I look around and see mostly obese and overweight young people. I’ve been on cruise ships where every woman, young and old wears a bikini. And my favorite? We go to the nude beach in the French West Indies (when we can afford it) and see young, old, entire families, and people from all over the world who could care less about impressing someone with high fashion, designer swim wear and clothes. They care not about body shape, body hair or surgical scars. You don’t see obese people because they can’t pretend to hide it under a little fabric like they do on the American beaches. You are just as you are the day you were born, and nobody cares. Most nudists simply enjoy the sun, no tan lines, and reading a good book. People from the cruise ships throng to experience the nude beach… donning their swim wear, only to either 1) lose the swimwear after they discover they are the only clothed people on the beach, joining the nudists feeling a bit sheepish but feeling good about being a part of a non-judgmental group or 2) run like hell back to the cruise ship feeling too uncomfortable with themselves and their bodies.

    Some of the greatest people I met on trips to a nude beach were retired teachers, in old bodies, with lots of wrinkles, and no hangups about who they were. A guy called “The Professor” was probably my favorite. He was a very small man with smiling eyes, alive with life! He was amazing to converse with, always surrounded by people anxious to visit with him. I can’t say I wasn’t distracted now and then by someone with body piercings “down there” or a body full of wild tattoos… adornments that, somewhat like a bikini or speedo, tend to draw more attention to certain parts of the body. .

    I’m more interested in a person’s personality and life experiences than I am about what they’re wearing (or not wearing) or whether they look fabulous after cosmetic surgery or how much bling they’re showing off.

    I suppose this is why I love your blog… you express what’s on your mind and it’s all about living life. Thank you for another good laugh this morning. I find myself scanning email quickly to see if you’ve written another post. Thanks for expressing so candidly. I truly enjoy you.
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    It is always nice to be appreciated and thank you for your well written comment. I agree with a great deal of it and firmly believe that we are far too engaged in what we look like or what people are thinking about us, when in reality, most of them are not thinking about us at all.

    I see a girl in a dental floss bikini, I am gonna look, now what I don’t understand is why her husband gets all bent outta shape about it. But that is another post altogether I suppose.

    Thanks for checking in, take care.

    DS

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  3. That is a well written and informative comment. I still like the beach. I am glad not everyone is judgemental. Deep down inside, I’m just a 17 year old…..trapped in a 60 year old body.
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    I am a time traveler, traveling thru space and time, beamed down to this planet … uh, uh, Okay, very funny Scotty! Now beam down my clothes! I cannot even dream of a Speedo, as my doctor says, “I am the perfect weight, if I were seven feet tall!”

    DS

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