About a week ago, I stopped hanging out on BCM (Bus Conversions Magazine’s internet board) Trotted over there this morning for a look see and found some notes addressed to me. It is always nice to discover that you have been missed. Every now and then, I plan to go over there and “look around.” No big deal, also I might add at this time, that I seem to be doing it less and less these days. And that is a good thing, as I understand it.
Today I celebrate my first whole week of being BCM impaired, and I seemed to have survived it and feel just swell. (If anyone cares?) I also feel or understand that I’m under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation.
I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, that in my particular way of thinking I am alone at times. I have no axe to grind, nor do I seek or solicit unwarranted criticism. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding of my goals or thinking is the prime motivating force for the neurotic who also hang out here and their compulsion to blot out my consciousness and/or opinion. But that is another post altogether.
This might explain the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol. It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and a few random internet sites, which will remain un-named at this point in time. (As I understand it, these are topics that are taboo … So I won’t bring them up)
So I am weaning myself off of internet sites. (Hello, my name is Don. I am an internet bus junkie) My very own 12 step program to good mental health, no more bus boards.
Some of us are geared for it and some of us are not. I suppose I identify with the latter. Internet sites which I find are somewhat like a dark echo of a state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must flee. One thing has become apparent to me personally this week is this: “When things no longer seem humorous, and your only desire is to lash out instead of poke fun at the sublime and ridiculous, then it is time to depart.”
This is why I have decided to work on my webpage (www.boxcarokie.com)and leave the rest of this alone. It was apparent, or it is now apparent something had to give, unfortunately, it was me.
In hindsight I should have just shared a link with the offending person and been done with it (Something like Ron White’s You Can’t Fix Stupid would have been appropriate).
In that respect, I kind of blew it. Should have just passed on the entire deal but I did not and then like a snowball rolling downhill it just kind of got out of control from there on out.
That is often the case, I hear the voice in my head that speaks to me during critical situations such as this, but unfortunately, it is all in German and I have no one to translate for me. I have only one identity, any more than that, and I would be overwhelmed. B’sides, it would waste the me that I already is.
Perhaps like Icarus I lost my center and fell from Grace? (he didn’t really fall from grace, he flew too close to the sun, his wings melted and fell from the sky, for all my critic’s who happen to be reading this) So in my case the Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, “Screw Grace, I am so outta here!”
Check please …..
This comment contains zero reference to the word “BUS.”