Downhill Side Of Life

So I am reading where scientists have discovered “liquid water” on the surface of Mars.  It makes me wonder about a couple of things.  #1  Is there any other kind of water besides “liquid?”  #2  Why is this new fact important and how is it going to affect me?

No easy answers this morning, but most mornings are like that for me, so it isn’t a big deal really.

I just don’t understand all the emphasis on other planets, our preoccupation with them, it is all strange to me.  We study them, we search them out, devote all this time and resources to explore or search out virtual celestial bodies, when we surely cannot solve the problems on the planet we currently live on?

These same guys, tell me that there is this huge ice incrusted rock hurtling thru space, that is on a collision course with my neighborhood and it will be a species ending event when it gets here.  This is the primary reason I rank the scientific community right up there with a bad case of the flu or the loss of my first bicycle in grade school.

More bad news.  One of the main reasons I am not especially enamored to scientists.

Most of my week has been on the downhill side of life, so there are no real surprises here, except for the liquid water thing.  I guess I could take solace that I am living on the right side of the dirt, and I am still here.  Nothing good going down, but I have that to fall back on, the mere fact that I am still above ground on days like this, that is comforting.

The little woman came into the shop yesterday and said she wanted me to “look at the vac. cleaner, said it was not sucking.”  Which is kind of ironic, all of my week has been “sucking” and this day was no different.  After determining that it was indeed not sucking as she put it, we voted and found it to be dumpster food.  Which means, “drop everything, I have a problem, road trip.”

We drive the 18 miles to town, pulled up to the ATM to get out some cash for a replacement vac cleaner, I inserted my card and then whoosh.  The ATM promptly consumed my debit card, no cash, no receipt, no joke.

Life as we say is really sucking today.

Food, I suddenly remember is a comfort item, when things are not going well, shove some groceries down your neck to feel better.  I need to find some food.  We drive over to our favorite Chinese food repository and sit down, it is incredibly hot, the owner tells me, “our AC is on the fritz, we have no cool air today.”

I am not surprised.

It is awfully hot in Oklahoma this time of the year, and again, “Scientists tell me that I am currently living under something called a heat dome” and that is why the sweat is rolling down my forehead and dropping into the egg drop soup.

Traffic is horrible, even after Oklahoma recently passed a new law banning the use of cellphones in automobiles while driving.  Most drivers, or at least the one’s in every other third car, are oblivious to this new wrinkle in life and did not get the memo.  The other two cars are fighting with their kids or putting on makeup.  I am hot, cranky and acutely aware of how life is sucking.  An old Carrie Underwood tune drifts out of my radio and my mind drifts off to my new found hobby I have just recently discovered …. “Hammer throwing in my shop” … And how I suddenly miss it.

Seems like every time I turn around this week, what could go wrong, did and there is another one of the Ten Commandments coming down.  I just want to toss in the towel and give in … I am on the downside of life even tho it is clearly not sucking.

The days wears on.  Time does not fly when you are in the search for a home appliance.

We are now hunting a suitable parking spot at China World (have you ever noticed how your wife behaves in a China World parking lot?  As soon as you enter this vast area, a virtual sea of open spots, she starts yelling them out, there’s one!  There’s one!  As if you are legally blind or something like that) we go inside to locate a replacement non-sucking vac. cleaner.

Finding a shopping cart that is pulling hard to the left, we head for the Home Section and locate a shelf full of plastic appliances, made in another country by people who make less than minimum wage …. more suckers.  As usual, she cannot make up her mind, “I like this one, but the yellow one, it is kind of pretty don’t you think?” and I am trying to figure out what dress it is that we will lay her out in when the time comes.

“Just pick one, so we can get outta here Hon.”

At the register, the one for “twenty or less items” the lady in front of me, with a cart that is clearly bulging at the seams, cannot locate her debit card.  Which is good for her, at least she still has one.  The clerk rings it up and the register reads “Input serial number.”  Now of course, “there isn’t a serial number on this box or in three counties that I am aware of.”

The clerk reaches up and turns out the light at the register, “Houston, we have a problem.”  People behind me give me that look that those hungry animals on the Discovery Channel have on their face, just before they consume lunch.

This sucks, I think to  myself.

Eight minutes later, we locate the “key on the register” that allows us to by-pass the serial number thing and we leave the store.  All the way home, each and every snow cone business was closed, and the heat is approaching 108* …. But not to worry, scientists have discovered liquid water on the planet Mars.

The little two lane hums to me and the sun is slowly setting on the horizon, another hot humid memory maker in the bag.  We bought the little red one and life will no longer have the absence of a huge vacuum (things will again suck) at the Goat Farm.

Mama naps in the seat next to me, I glance in the mirror and see the cardboard box that reads “Better than a Dyson and at 1/3rd the price.”  All is well in my world once again and I am relieved.  I am seriously contemplating a long, tall glass of something ice cold and it is NOT liquid water.