Man-Man, come on Spring Time! It is time for a Road Trip
I want to run away! Where is the chocolate milk and the Oreo cookies, please placate my spirit, I am drowning here and I don’t know what to do. Whisk me off my tired old feet … Take me away to the beach, where I meet beautiful people, who appreciate me and respect me for my feelings. A place noticeably void of barking dogs. Sirens. Road Rage, where folks genuinely smile, who wave at you with all of their fingers …
A place of spirit engaging mystery … A place where sometimes, during the middle of the day, I would be allowed to lie down for a nap, for no apparent reason. Or perhaps sneak down to the local watering hole for a much needed, albeit ill advised Margarita. Some idle conversation with a beautiful, well tanned, interesting woman, walk barefooted in the sand.
Road trip! Time to get out of town, new sites, new faces, new places. I hear Kenny Rogers has a new album out at the Old Cracker Barrel stores, fifty-years in the making! Who can resist a acquisition of music treasure like that? (Plus Chicken & Noodles to boot!) Personally I am all into Carrie Underwood, but at my age, well, you know the drill. “You take what it is that you can get … and then quietly fade into the background.” (Hey kids, someone wake up Grandpa and tell him it is time to eat, that kind of thing)
Mama comes into the room and announces to no one in particular her intentions concerning the weekend. She says “I want to go shopping” … and I of course find myself on-board … Sign me up on the dotted line. So Friday night, with almost laser guided focus, we cut and run south towards the Red River and that state line.
You see, I know the rules of a happy life, and that is mainly this. “A happy wife equals a happy life.” At this point I should interject that I am a happy, happy man. Having learned a long, long time ago, it is not always a smart thing to do, irritating the cook and all.
So I quickly answer up in the affirmative, “Uh how about Dallas? That sound good to you?” Make the smart move, NASCAR runs every week this time of the year, it is no big deal. Masculine Rule of Life: “A wise man, never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile. “ (Be agreeable, or lie down on the floor and play dead … but be advised, trust me, that one never works).
Most people go out on Friday night, find a suitable honky-tonk, get drunk and be somebody. We on the other hand, happily basking in what the media calls our “golden years” we go shopping. Pulling up, locking the front gate … We are off and running.
Dallas is a big city, and they have numerous places to go shopping. Fortunately they also have a lot of Wi-Fi hotspots and I am finding it relatively easy to transmit data into cyberspace. Much like Robbin Williams in the not so recent DVD movie “RV,” all I have to do is just stand on top of our bus … Nah, I am pretty sure you are not buying that one are you?
Burger King, Denny’s, recently even McDonald’s came of age, a lot of places have free Wi-Fi now. The computer era, isn’t it swell. If you don’t know how to do it, just ask one of your grand kids. I saw my first honest to goodness three-D television this weekend, what is the world coming to.
Almost the middle of the month and we are not broke, despite the best efforts of Big Oil to strangle us, we have a little left over. Ideally we found ourselves with a little extra scrilla in our pockets, so she decided that shopping would be the endeavor for the day. (Oh by the way? Kids refer to money as scrilla these days, if y’all aint hip, it surely isn’t my fault)
“Yo Mama got mad scrilla. We’re gonna rock the mall later.”
So we set out in earnest and during the course of the day, ended up walking some five different Malls. Or as My wife is fond of saying — We Shop Until We Drop — a kind of “take no prisoners attitude that I surely do not adhere to or understand.“
Shopping for me is never that great, and I usually wear out early, the whining factor comes into play much sooner these days than it did in my younger years. Often in complete desperation I will pull out my cellphone and have “fake very loud conversations with our non-existent children” in order to embarrass her and make her take me home.
I just don’t seem to have the stamina for it, I am not the “shop until you drop” type face it. I don’t know what it is, but I can never find what it is that I am looking for. On the other hand, when we do go on these sojourns into the marked down 50%-merchandise world, she will always find several items that catch her fancy. I on the other hand, will search in complete desperation, every hall, every wing, every level of each mall and never find what it is that I set out to find.
Never do I stop to realize and admit that, often, the fantasy of something different is a lot better than the reality of something different. So, we walk and we walk, and we walk some more. The concrete is mostly unforgiving on an old geezer like me and late in the afternoon my hips are tired, my back isn’t doing much better and I have “attitude.”
Time to close, I have rambled on far too long. So long from America’s Heartland, El Reno, Oklahoma, where the Twisters make lazy circles in the sky, and the wind lifts up red dust to get in your eye, a slow paced sort of place where we don’t drive on the shoulders and do our best to follow the right path.
One last thing boys … Take my advice, “If the little woman asks you to go shopping or do you want to take a pass and not go?” Take the high road, nod your head in silent agreement and then stay home. It is always best to leave the shopping to the Pro’s.
Friday have a great weekend, it is still YOUR choice, enjoy. Life is short*.
* Now wasn’t that refreshing …. There is twenty-one minutes of your life, you will never get back.