In The Dumper

One of the great things about depression, is that everyone, sooner or later, gets a turn.  If you wait long enough, and if you are patient, everything will start unraveling on you and you will get “in the dumper” as I am fond of calling it.  Mine started a couple of days ago (this is what I get for watching the news) and it has held on as strong as a starfish on a rock.

As some of you might have noticed, I missed Monday of this week.

Let me clarify, Monday did arrive, I just missed it.  Well, I didn’t actually miss it, it came, it was here, nothing earth shaking about that, put another X on the calendar, Monday came it arrived and now it is gone, locked down in obscurity, part of history.  I just wasn’t up to it on Monday, and my cold hard rule is “If you do not feel like writing anything” then it is best to just stop for a day or so, take a break.  So that is what I did, I took a break from it all.

Here lately, it is all getting me down and I know I should learn how to deal with it, the influx of steady bad news and all that, but sometimes it has a profound tendency to drag me down with it.  I find myself somewhat depressed today for a number of reasons (most of them are personal, sorry) and that certainly isn’t helping matters any.  In all honesty I don’t believe it will improve in the future either, it is going to stay locked down in this downward spiral and we are going to have to endure it, day after day.  Any day now I fully expect to pick up a newspaper are read:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,  (formerly known as California) . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.  Hugh influx of divorce in Gay Community after same sex marriages prove to be just as boring as regular marriages.  U.S. Oil companies now demand “the first born son of each family, in order to fill up a car with motor fuel” (shortage of refinery workers in the U.S.).

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped. National speed limit increased to 30 MPH on all highways in an attempt to satisfy truckers and end the 5 year long trucker’s strike.  Global warming proves to be true as last glacier disappears from Glacier National Park and it is now named Fresno Montana.  Charlie Sheen returns from the Mother Ship after a brief hiatus from CBS and claims he is now God.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Bozo The Clown announces he is a candidate to run in the Fall’s elections if he gets the $800 Million in campaign “start-up” funding given to new candidates. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.  MoMar Kaddify museum opens in Tripoli amongst protest from the European community and NATO.  Egypt offers all three pyramids on Craigslist for sale, in order to raise funds to buy a new working government.  Coffee suddenly shoots up to $15 a can after Columbia announces the death of Juan Valdez (that one will age some of you).

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!  Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.  George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.  Republicans announce only one GOP candidate on the entire November ballot in Mexifornia, and his chances are slim in the 98% – dominated by Democrats state.

Eight-year ban on all natural fish to continue due to efforts of the Sierra Club.  Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.  WalMart announces a rush on garlic flavored croutons, regular croutons stay the same.

Cable TV rates increase to $445 a month.  China announces that they “own the world” and want everyone else off as soon as possible.

Oprah buys NBC and dumps Dr. Phil.

But until then, I guess I will just have to digest what it is that they feed me every day and surf around my television on the 225 channels that never seem to have anything good to watch, and learn to deal with it.  My only consolation being this day is that I do not live in Japan, other than that, I just feel a little bit beside myself (whatever that means?) and just a tad bit out of sync with the rest of the world.

Often I think to myself and announce verbally to no one in particular … “It is not easy being me.”

But then again, I suppose someone has to do it?