Remember When

You have made it to Friday, congratulations, the long awaited weekend is just now appearing on your horizon.  Good job!

Desperately seeking a respite from the snow, I plan on slinking out for some shopping today (Yes Margaret, men do occasionally go shopping, we just refer to it as Knocking Around).  Might go looking for one of them new tools for men I saw the other day.

Believe it or not, I could sit here all day and watch these commercials, they give me a testosterone rush which at my age is kind of dangerous.  But I like life on the ragged edge.  Kind of late with my hauling this morning, so I guess I best get back to the post.

Isn’t it funny how things change in our lives, and we hardly even notice?  (Nice blend huh?)  Outfit in town is selling “previewed DVD’s” and that makes me wonder … Whatever happened to the term Used? Pre-Owned cars, that is another one, what happened to a good used car? We have a good deal on a Program Car, which of course, used to be a lease car, or a rental car. Our finance specialist will be by to help you with the terms of the deal, how about our car salesman?

Emergency Brakes? At some point in life, the Parking Brake, became the Emergency Brake.
Things used to be store bought, another endearing term of my generation.
Coast to coast was a phrase I heard a lot growing up, that disappeared, it is now “World Wide.”
Which only lasted a fraction of time, only to be replaced with Global Market.

Wall to Wall … remember that, “wall to wall, a whole room full of carpet”  Now it is hardwood floors, which is what “wall to wall was invented for in the beginning” to cover them up.

In a family way, was changed to pregnant and that was changed to PG or In The Oven.
Divorce became divorcee, then it was gay divorcee, but now a days, that is not a good term to lay on someone.  Gay isn’t gay anymore, gay is a death sentence in a society that has gone over the edge. A sexually permissive self indulgent world where I believe they have 66 known sexually transmitted diseases floating around (STD’s), last time I checked.

Confirmed bachelors and career girls are long gone, replaced with career motivated.
Abortion is a Lifestyle Choice,
Adultery is an Affair.
Genocide has been replaced by Ethic Cleansing, and murder is still murder, no matter what you call it.

Trans-gender … Don’t even get me started.

Aging, replaced by Biological Clock, Senior Citizens, to New Age Generians.  Housewife, is now a Domestic Home Industrial Engineer.
Overweight has been changed to “Metabolically challenged” Revitalized carpet? (Resurrection of the dust ball?)
New and improved Dog Food?
(As if a dog is going to know the difference?)

I always liked “New Improved Tide, it gets out the grass and ugly blood stains.”
You have bloodstains on your clothing; it seems you have bigger problems than just dirt.

Removes 75% of dust, allergens, and odors, that other 25% must really be tough huh?
New and improved, fresher fragrance, no more old crappy smell, this costs .98 cents more.
A remote? Does that imply that it should be somewhere else?
Which is okay, most of the time, it is just that.

Percolator that was a fun word, now we have Mr. Coffee Maker. Pretty dull. Come to think of it, “If the kitchen is the domain of the woman, as we have all been led to believe, then shouldn’t that be MRS. Coffee Maker?”

How did pimple get shortened to Zit.
Hamburger, when it doesn’t contain any ham?
Big Sale, has changed to “we are overstocked again!”
Going out of business! (fifth time)
Now if you have been in business 25 years, how in the world do you get “overstocked” EVERY YEAR.

Saw this one last spring “Large Hail Sale.”
It was SMALL HAIL that caused all the problems.
Dyna-Flow, Electra-Luxe, Spectra-Vision …… where are they now?

More? Sure why not?

If you live in Oklahoma there is Miami (but pronounced by the locals as My-am-muh ) and if you are in Florida it is Miami (My-Am-mee) and then there is Demi (Dee-Me) Moore the actress, but I never saw a Semi (See-Me) truck on the Highway.

Aunt — Cant? Is this a crazy mixed up world or what?

And this brings me to supper.
In this part of the world it is “Breakfast, Dinner and Supper.”
Now what in the world happened to Lunch?
Was it ate up by brunch, which is not to be confused with dinner, that comes much later, just before …… Oh, well, you get my drift.

Life moves on … The television is currently rambling on about four old Geezers, riding around in a ‘57 Chevy convertible and spouting …… “Now men don’t have to worry about find a bathroom anymore!” Yeah right, like a MAN EVER WORRIED ABOUT THAT ONE … Take this and swallow it, your prostrate and your life coincidentally, will all be just fine afterwards.  Why are the people in the sex enhancement commercials always sitting, holding hands, in a bathtub?  I never in my life, had sex in a bathtub!

Trust me. Heh-heh.

So here I sit, with an organ the size of grapefruit growing inside my body that I was blissfully unaware of, and I don’t know what to do about it, other than watch the latest, late breaking news flash about male menopausal prostrate problems.  Drinking my masculine coffee, from my Mr. Coffee Maker that was Hecho in Meh-ico. Thank you Madison Avenue, for cutting thru all the clutter. How about addressing my other problem. I still need exercise.

Joggin didn’t produce the positive results for me that I had hoped for. Every time I went out and jogged, in my Chinese Tennis shoes, assembled in Malaysia, my fat thighs rubbed together and then my underwear caught on fire.

Got something for that?


Have a great weekend, we will of course, see you on Monday.


One thought on “Remember When

  1. How do you even start this flow of information?
    I now realise that it is going to be difficult to teach my daughter to read, how did we do it. No wonder they say that english is one of the most difficult languages.
    What I do my dear, is start off with a basic idea or premise, and then work it from there. I carry a notebook everywhere, when I get an idea or what I call a storyline, I write it down. It also helps to have an over active imagination too.

    You just take one simple thought and then run with it. For instance: I have put in three garbage disposals, two washers, two dryers, replaced the furnace twice, bought three air conditioning units for my home in the past thirty years. I have NEVER replaced the doorbell. What does that tell you?

    That would be the start of a storyline. It isn’t foolproof, but it works for me. Have a great weekend bokkie.



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