Drill This

Last day of the month, and I cannot tell you where it went for the life of me, but tomorrow will be March 1st.  The windy month on the high plains.

The “hot topic” this weekend seemed to be the Oscars (what a yawner that turned out to be, we did about ten minutes of that and then click!) and the price of motor fuel.

I remember when I turned forty (which was awhile ago) I got to thinking about my life, and where it was.  At that juncture in time, I was making roughly twice what my father and my mother were making (combined) when they turned forty. But my buying power was diminished something like five times. So, the “good ole days” are or were, not necessarily that good.

Now days, my money doesn’t even slow down when it gets to me. I always have more month than money. Not that I am complaining, far from it, I live a good life, despite it all. I am just commenting.

This morning I arose from my comfortable bed, washed my hands in hot water, made a pot of coffee and started my day. A lot of folks around the world were not afforded that luxury.

I am doing alright.

Diesel went up in price .28 cents in ONE DAY over the weekend, now anyone want to tell me why?  None of this makes any kind of sense anymore, it is almost if the inmates are now running the asylum.  There are two things in this country that are NOT in short supply, one of them is greed, and the other is Bull S*** which is mainly emanating from Washington D.C..

Stop buying it, let them EAT IT and see what transpires.  They cannot STORE IT FOREVER.  I am or have been, for a month or two, buying $20-$50 a week and that is it.  Just what I need, now I know a lot of you have to purchase more, and you have my sympathy, but that is all I NEED to get by.  As long as demand stays high, pricing will reflect that, seems to be a rule of life in this country.

A friend of mine, she works at Walmart on the weekends, she told me a lady came in and bought 8 bags of coffee!  When asked why she was doing this, she offered up this … “It is going to $15 a bag, better get it while you still can.”  Where do people get information like this?  Give me some room to breathe, I am trying to find something amusing in the absurdity of it all, but it is albeit, coming to me very slowly. And it is just not the price of oil setting me off this morning, it is the price of virtually everything (which is basically tied to oil anyway).

The price of everything these days astounds me.

Gasoline and diesel for that matter are actually cheap, it is just the way or manner in which one would look at it. Or it could possibly be, that everything else is so expensive, it MAKES gasoline appear that way. Here is a list of items that could be purchased by the gallon: This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective to other things we buy.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 — ($10.32 per gallon)
Tube of tooth paste —($4) people that brush their teeth live longer, Madison Avenue.
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 — ($9.52 per gallon)
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 — ($10.17 per gallon)
Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, 12oz. — ($7.46)
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 — ($10.00 per gallon)
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 — ($33.60 per gallon)
Box of Cheerios $3.38, Honey-Nuts are more, $4.12
Honey Nuts? I don’t get that at all, kind like Chicken McNuggets, what part of the chicken is that, exactly?  Don’t even get me started on this Buffalo Wings thing.
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 — ($178.13 per gallon)
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 — ($123.20 per gallon)
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 — ($25.42 per gallon)
Cheap off brand Orange Juice, $4.00 — Minute Made $5.78
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 — ($84.48 per gallon)
Box of depends, 20, $4.38 (for the bad days)

And this is the REAL KICKER… Evian water 9 oz $1.49 —($21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyer doesn’t even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive).  Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at (you won’t believe it) $5,200.00 a gal.

Five thousand two hundred dollars for ink, unbelievable. So, if you find yourself at the Root N Scoot this weekend, at the pump filling up, be glad your car doesn’t run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

There you go! The next time the kids drop by to stick their feet under the table and visit awhile, and that inquisitive baby will ask all the questions, you will have some of the answers.

Stuff like: “Grandpa, has a candy bar always cost $20.00? When did we start heating our homes with pig manure?”

You will know what to say …


Cartoon courtesy of American Progress Online.

Friday In The Heartland

I have been doing so much cotton-pickin’ painting that clean air is really starting to smell funny. On top of that, it is still wintertime in my neck of the woods, and the weather guessers are saying more snow is on the way. It is a good thing that I have my doctor’s permission to self medicate.

This time of the year is terribly hard on a guy, especially a guy who has the wanderlust gene like myself. I want to get out and roam, although I know that this is no longer a reality, it is not possible in this day and age. So I fritter the days away sitting in the bus-shop office and I find other ways to amuse myself, like wondering, “What is the longest English word you can type with only the left hand?”


Important issues like that.

I find myself longing for a special moment in time … Summer time. Back in the day I would find myself lying on a blanket with some sweet thing and we would be whispering into each other ears, sonnets and secret phrases, but alas, they are gone too. Now I wonder if the old air conditioner will make it thru another season? How much water I am going to have to put on the lawn this year, to green it up and keep it that way. Why women find it impossible to sleep in a bed that has a fan blowing across it.

Secretly I pine for Montana, it is never far away in my thoughts, often just around the corner. I wonder if Andy has found anything recently with his metal detector (I wonder … does Andy even have a metal detector?). A few years back, I actually found a wedding band with mine. It was still attached to the man’s finger; uh, I dunno, I think it might have been Jimmy Hoffa.

Man, I need to get back to big sky country.

The pale blue sky opening up over Butte seems to stretch forever. The air is fresh and clean at the top of Bear Tooth Pass outside Red Lodge and the roads empty before, now most likely are bare altogether. A long BNSF freight racing across the land at breakneck speed to Chicago, clear water streams and long hot summer days.

In the summer, you can drive across southern Montana and the haystack dotted farmland seems to roll on and on forever. You drive by the small outfits, and they haul out to the front fence, what they have to sell. Worn out, beaten up pickups, a combine here and there, well used tractor an old gas guzzling motor-home, whatever. I have to admit, I have never seen an Eagle parked out front, nose up to the fence.

I have driven on two lanes so striking, so majestic and mesmerizing, hauntingly familiar, that you swore they were objects of art. Rolling green sea’s of prairie grass, visions of Native Americans, stampeding horses, bison and of course, cowboys taming an unruly bronco fill my mind. You would not expect anything less of someone whose favorite western is “Dancin’With Wolves.”

Eye candy for the soul is how I always seem to refer to it.

A place in time, that lingers in your mind and often helps you thru your day. Distant roads are calling me. Through scenery so spectacular that much like fine oil or a colorful print hanging on the wall it takes your breath away. The mood and the feel of the land permeate your soul in big sky country, the home of Louis and Clark, the chiseled Grizzly.

I yearn to roam.

The old time towns and the architecture mixed with the new style trendy restaurants and galleries of the new west. Pickup’s with gun racks. Small detailed dream catchers hanging from the rear-view mirror, a blue healer dog in the back, one stop light at the end of the block.

And always, a canvas of baby blue (sky) right above you. If I squint real hard, I think I can see the Black Hills looming on the eastern horizon. Six on the floor! The other one out the door … Hammer down, Hammer down!

See you in the fast lane …


Power of the Internet


The Internet is a powerful tool, recent events in Eygpt certainly have shown us that.  A civil uprising was started and completed, mainly using the Internet and not a shot was fired.  You can get the world’s news instantly at the drop of a hat off the Internet, it is all there, plain as day, and available 24-7.  One thing I have always liked about the Internet, was the fact, that “I could pick and choose which news I wanted to see and what news that I wanted to avoid.”  Kind of tailor made for me, it allowed me the luxury of avoiding those things that I find so repulsive in life, that feed my anxieties, my worries and fears.

Yesterday, against my better judgment I watched the national news, and as usual, the fare was pretty grim.  Earthquakes, politics run amuck, baby dolphins dying in the Gulf of Mexico and “no one knows why.”  And then people wonder why it is that I do not watch the news.  One of the things that we have always strived for here at Creative Endeavors was the pure abscence of “real news” we find it too depressing and often a downer.  So we search out the little light-hearted items, the good news, and we put that up instead.  It could be the reason for our apparent popularity, no one wants a constant diet of bad news.

It is frankly … bad for the soul.

So even after a self imposed prolonged abscence from the news I find that not much good news going around, was hoping for an improvement, but it appears to be the same old same old.  You know,  people are going to get addicted to this sooner or later, so when things do improve and it all gets better, there will still be a market for “bad news.”

Which will be good news for people like me.

Most likely people will miss it, that is where I come in, I will publish a newspaper that is filled entirely with bad news, figuring folks will still need their daily fix, I will provide it for them.

Should be a money making proposition for me, Whadya think?  We will then print a bad news paper, no good news in it, I figure when all the news is good … people are going to miss the bad news … thus I will create my own market.

Here is some bad news, especially if your first name is “the defendant.”  A state judge in North Carolina has been reprimanded for discussing a pending child custody case on Facebook of all places.  He is accused of discussing the case with a lawyer after they became Facebook “friends” and soon found themselves discussing the case in a public forum.  Which surely a judge should know, is a violation of judicial ethics.  The judge has since disqualified himself from the case, and a new trial has been ordered.

Remember, when you are standing before that judge, “he used to be a lawyer at one time.”  I always like the story they told of a Mafia Godfather who finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million dollars.  His bookeeper is deaf, that was the reason he got the job in the first place.  It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.  When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the 10 million dollars is that he embezzled from me?”  The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money might be?  The bookkeeper signs back; “I don’t know where the money is.?”  The attorney tells the Godfather “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather quickly produces a pistol, puts it to the temple of the bookkeeper and says …. “Ask him again.”

The lawyer signs to the bookkeeper, “He will kill you if you do not tell him where the money is.”  The bookkeeper says, “Okay, You win!  The money is in a brown briefcase, buried in my brotherinlaws back yard in Queens!”  The Godfather then asks the lawyer, “What did he say?” and the lawyer replies, “He says, he doesn’t believe you have the guts to pull the trigger!” …. You just gotta love a lawyer.

News this weekend said that some guy was arrested for murder in Las Vegas, and he had “a history of questionable actions.”  Can you imagine if we were all held to that standard?  Not long ago, our local paper ran an article on some kids finding a body, completely wrapped in chains, hanging from a tree, and the headline said that “police suspect foul play.”

Uh huh?  Where do they get this stuff?

You read the headline and it says, “Convicted Rapist arrested …”  Now here is the part I don’t understand, if he is convicted, then what is he doing out?  And then there is always the guy who will say something like, “I don’t understand how a convicted rapist can be out walking the streets.”  How do we know?  How do we know that this guy is out walking the streets?  Not everyone who gets out of prison is likely to be just walkin’ the streets.

How about this?  I understand that a lot of them jack people up and steal their cars for instance.  We ought to be glad, “Thank God he stole a car, at least he’s not out walkin’ the streets!”

Another thing Internet people do is under estimate the power of this tool to reach people.  We sit here in our abodes, drink our coffee, type away at the keyboard and when it is shaped, molded and formed to our satisfaction, we hit “post” and don’t give it another thought.  Often we do not think of the people that will eventually read it, or the lives we might impact when we publish our works.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to be “Freshly Pressed” to get exposure.  I will give you a for instance.

On most days I have four or five different Internet boards that I haunt, looking around, reading and sometimes, posting on.  This past weekend I wrote a little fluff piece entitled “How Much Did It Cost” an article on our bus, and published it on a bus board.  In two days over 1,300 people read that piece, and 65 offered up comments.   That was intriguing to me, as that is some first class heavy-traffic for a little bbs.

You can read it here.

It was also sort of a wake up call for me, I have found myself taking advantage of this medium as has been my habit for several years, and forgotten the possibilities that were available.  I had completely forgotten the power of this medium to reach out over time and space, to land in someone’s home and be read and considered.  The recent events in the Middle East and this little fluff piece have shown me that.  In the future, I will give it even more thought before I publish it.  Because once it leaves this keyboard and hits the net, there isn’t any limit to the amount of people it will be seen by, and that friends, is an awesome responsibility.


“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Answer Up

The Mayan Calendar only runs to the year 2012 and then abruptly stops.  Good news for anyone who owes a lot of money on Credit Cards, if you can just hold on a little longer, your misery will soon be over.  It has also been recently noted that the calendar itself has mathematical errors and could be off as badly as six months.

Bad news for all those people who are selling Mayan Calendars.

Started my morning re-loading my music program, the sucker was locked up and I naturally assumed that it was a “hardware problem.”  When I find I have a hardware problem, it is usually located “directly between MY ears” and not in the hard drive.

Humans are not hard-wired for this stuff, and as we tend to think of ourselves as perfect, somewhat omnipotent, we always assume it is the computer …. Not so.  Vince Gill playlist has a glitch in it and that was the problem, which is by the way, something that “I PUT TOGETHER” and not something that was already on the computer to begin with.  Computers!  I just wanted some Musak to soothe my jagged edges …..

Let me ask you something?  When you are writing a post, article, comment, and that little bell goes off … Ding! … and it informs you that you have an email , do you go up there immediately or keep on working?  I am just curious.  Often it is awfully hard to just ignore the thing.  It is almost screaming at me like a baby that is hungry or something, but I usually resist, until I can wrap up what it is that I am working on.

Some people have discipline and some do not.  In which camp do you reside?

The other day I am at the barbershop and my cellphone goes off in my pocket.  Not wanting to answer it, I just ignore it, knowing full well that it will drop them in voice mail, it is no big deal to me.  This guy sitting there is bothered by it ringing, he says “You gonna answer that?” and I reply, “Naw, it will go to voice mail.”

He says, “It might be important, answer it.” Which kind of irritated me, I mean, “Who is this bozo to telling me to answer my phone?” I reply, “no big deal, don’t worry about it.” He then says, “It might be your kids.”

Jeeeze, how in the world does this complete stranger even know I have kids … I just wanted to get my ears lowered and read my paper.  Trying hard not to just stand up and strangle the guy, in a nice, calm voice I reply, “Listen, when you start paying $49.60 per month for this little marvel of technology, then you can tell me what to do with it.” End of conversation.  I guess I am just technically challenged or something.

Role Call!  Answer up when you hear yo’ name …. Cell-phone impaired?  … Yo’ here sir!

While we are at it.  Women and cell phones crack me up.  They see a number on their telephone and they do not recognize the number, so they then call the number, and ask who it is on their phone?  Never fails.  I can’t get enough of that, it just amazes the fizz out of me.  I have misdialed numbers and women call me and ask who I am and why am I calling them. Wanting to know if I am personally entered into the Charles Manson early release stalker program or something.

Jeeeze Louise, it was a wrong number.

My wife yesterday had two of calls of this nature.  She was given wrong numbers by people at work, so the women call her up and ask her what is going on.  And on top of all this … She explains it to them!  This is insane. I find two or three; sometimes even more numbers on my telephone routinely.

And I just delete them.  That is a man for you.  Pragmatic … To the point, most always.

The Lone Ranger has an episode on today with a female sheriff ……  What is this world coming to for crying out loud?  Bad news for Comanche Joe and the folks in Gunstock!  I seem to be on some kind of estrogen rush this morning.  Yesterday my cellphone rang, so not looking at who was calling, I answered up.  Some woman, nice sounding voice, almost sweet music to the ears, said to me:  “Did you call me?” and I asked her “Who are you, what is your name?” and she replied …. “Phylis, my name is Phylis.” and I just smiled and said, “No babe.  It wasn’t me.”


Hmmmm Kemo-Sabe … A female sheriff in Gunstock?  Who would’ve ever thought …

Ding!  I get letters ….. lot’s and lot’s of letters.


Say Ah ….

This morning I am reminded of that old saying, “Life begins at forty.”  Ever heard that one?  Well, it is not exactly true, life doesn’t begin at forty … maintenance begins at forty!  Had to do the checkup thing this week with my doctor and it appears that my numbers are not all that good.  I am kind of used to it, if you want to know the truth, at my age, I kind of expect it.  But this time, they are not only bad, they are worse than bad, they are not good at all.  So this means, that I have to start exercising again.

It seems that my body has made a friend of fat, it no longer burns it, but rather openly invites it in and provides it a home.  I find myself metabolically challenged and do not seem to be ridding myself of this harmful substance, but storing it.  So I have to start walking, I have to start riding the bike, I have to quit bellying up to the salad bar with the big boys and make some changes.

You know you have health issues, but if you are like me, like most men, you just blow it off and continue on.  I would say on the whole women are more responsive to medical advice than men.  If a woman steps up on a scale and see’s numbers she doesn’t like, it is tantamount to the end of the world!  Now a guy, he steps onto the scale, and it says to him, “Only one person on the scale at a time” well, that isn’t a big deal, he just says to himself, “I will come back later.”

I could do as I always do, con myself into believing that this isn’t my problem, when it surely is.  I used to do that all the time, I gained 35 lbs when I stopped smoking and I used to conveniently use that for my excuse, but that was some 15 years ago, plenty of time to have shed the weight in the meantime.

Are you still smoking?

If you have not stopped or quit, you should.  A typical smoker who refuses or fails to give up has a roughly 15% risk of lung cancer over their lifetime. But with two copies of the genetic variant, this rises to 23%.  In contrast, someone who has smoked fewer than 100 cigarettes in their entire life has a less-than-1% chance of developing the disease.  As I have stated, I gave them up about fifteen years ago, and the other day I happened to notice a pack of Marlboro’s was $5.50 per pack.  Unbelievable, someone owes me about $28,000.00!

Smoking will kill ya …. No joke.

A woman goes into a drugstore and walks up to the pharmacist and says, “I need something to give to my husband to kill him.  Cyanide, some kind of poison.”  The druggist is flabbergasted, he cannot believe that she actually has said this to him.

“Listen lady, I cannot give you something to kill your husband.  First it is illegal, second, I would lose my job, third, my good standing in the community would be jeopardized.  I just cannot do it.”

So she looks at him and says, “Look at these, and hands him a handful of photographs of the druggists’ wife and her husband in bed together at the local motel.”

He looks at them for a while, and then looks up and says … “Oh, this is different, I didn’t know that you had a prescription.”

No good huh?  Well whadya expect for free?

I did notice something interesting the day after Valentine’s Day.  I was over at the store, and in the section where they sell the cards, I noticed one very peculiar thing.  All of the cards for the women, my wife, my girlfriend, all of them were gone, all of the female card selections were exhausted because of the holiday.

On the other hand, all of the masculine cards, the one for the boyfriend and the husband, well, there were ample supplies of them to be had.  Proof positive, it is a woman’s holiday.

I read something interesting the other day and I thought I might share this with you before closing.

Young adults can discern another person’s attitude toward sexual relationships just by looking at his or her face, according to a British study of 700 heterosexual volunteers.  The Durham University-led study also found that men generally prefer women who they believe are open to short-term sexual relationships, while women generally prefer men who they perceive to be potentially suitable for a long-term relationship.

The study participants looked at photographs of faces of members of the opposite sex (all in their early 20s) and were asked to judge their attractiveness and sexual attitudes. Their judgments were compared with the actual attitudes and behaviors of the people in the photos.

As it turned out, 72 percent of the 153 volunteers in the first study sample correctly identified sexual attitudes from photos more than 50 percent of the time.  Out of curiosity, I took several pictures of myself, showed them to the wife, explained the survey or test to her, she agreed to participate.

Handing the pictures to her at the kitchen table, she quickly went thru the stack, studying each one and repeating out loud … “NO .. NO… NO … NO-WAY!  DEFINITELY NOT.”

Oh well, so much for science … Back to the drawing board.


Up And Until Now

Hump Day!  Just a couple more, and then the weekend.  Lying here in the bed this morning and I am thinking, “I don’t get out of my bed because it is uncomfortable, cold or anything like that. I get out of it because I know that some time during the day I am going to have to separate from it. It is too heavy to carry around on my back with me all day long..”

On terribly depressing days, I get up and get dressed and I do my bang the head on the upper bunk until I pass out thing, but today feels alright ….. sorta.

So, somewhat tepidly, I will continue.

Click, another minute of time, hits the dust. I am lying there, watching the minutes tick off the red clock on top of the drawers and I am thinking of what it is that needs to be done this day, other than find my shoes. 

The coffee is good this morning, the television in the corner barks out at me. THE MONEY YOU SAVE ON FUEL WILL MAKE YOUR CAR PAYMENT! Uh huh, I am sure. No one is going to knock off $10,000 off the price of a new car, I am not stooooopid. I cannot understand how deodorant can advertise “Invisible Solid Protection”

Just checked my gasoline consumption for the month, add three, carry over the six, times two … Eeeeeouch, that sure do hurt, don’t it. Wonder what “five bucks a gallon” is going to feel like?  Please don’t hate me Mr. Oil Executive but I am just feeling ripped off.

This not good.

Again the “tree house in Belize or Honduras” idea surfaces, can a man truly live on Bananas alone? Where is that National Geographic. I am not being or thinking positive now, licking two fingers and inserting them into the electric socket, often helps to bring things into proper perspective.

I know everything is okay, Obama said so. He has to be right, I mean he is in the government  …  Trust & Obey, Trust & Obey ,,, be a good lil’ Democrat.  What goes up will eventually come down I tell myself, licking my fingers one more time …

Egypt fell apart this past week, it was colder in Nowata, Oklahoma than it was on the North Pole (Where are you now Mr.
Gore and all of your earth warming friends).  Lady Gaga was almost naked on Sixty-Minutes and the latest poll says that once again, we are in the dumper.

The United States right now is simultaneously the world’s most loved, hated, feared, and admired nation on earth.

In short … We are the late Frank Sinatra. Lucky for us, God protects fools, drunks and the United States of America.  Well, this one is pretty much “middle of the road today” I took a good shellacking on the Valentines’ Day post, sure generated some emails from the girls.  Now what was it I said?  (By the way … The mailbox is currently full, don’t send me any more fan mail.)

That is the way it often goes … You are the sum total of all your choices, up and until now.


A Day For Lovers

Greetings to all of you, today, this day of lovers and light hearted thought.

This must be “Forrest Gump Week” on television this week, every time I have went in there and turned it on … there he is …. Mama says life’s like a box o’ chocolates …. I never really did figure out the message in that movie, always wondered, what was it about, exactly?

One of the soundtracks in the movie is a classic 1967 song, “If you’re going to San Francisco” (don’t forget to wear some flowers in your hair) that song resonates with me now, even after all these years. It was one of those “one hit wonders” by Scott McKenzie.

Having said all that, I will move on.

If you are coming to Oklahoma and you are of the female gender, you better bring some Levi’s or Pedal Pushers.  Still a tad bit breezy here in The Heartland, spring is around the corner.

Spring is that time of the year, when a man’s heart turns toward love and new beginnings.  Where lanes are full of basil and blue skies with clouds that twirl and twirl, the young man ran to dazzle and kiss the rose lipped girls, never a heart as weary and a love so strong, as the winds of spring lifted him and carried him a long.  Under a full moon lit hill, he came to amuse and confuse the girl of his dreams, melting her heart with chocolate and sweet things.

Something hypnotic or mystic about the female of the species … Every man’s narcotic at some time in their life.

For most men, that is the drill.  Then you have this small select group, who kind of fake their way thru it all, love is okay, but not all that necessary.  “I do have the NFL” that kind of thing.  For them, the dreaded day has arrived, Valentine’s Day.  The false holiday, promoted by the chocolate companies and all those other estrogen enriched items that she uses.

As usual I haven’t a clue as to what to get her, the girl in my life, my cup cake.  I need to find something for my lover, my confidant, my parsimonious grocery shopper, the person who brings a smile to my worn worn-down face.

A face only a mother could love.

She’s my girl, my bride.  Just the other day, she looked up at me and said, “Y’know honey, we have a marriage that was made in heaven.”  I smiled my toothy smile and replied, “Isn’t that where they make thunder and lighting?”  See … If you answer with a question, they can never gain control over the conversation.

Remember that.

Now I know that some of this might sound sexist, but it isn’t, as I have said before, “I like women and sometimes they like me.”  Both of us are fairly comfortable with each other, into our sixties now, aging like a bottle of fine wine, and looking at life much differently.  For instance, we now break our Viagra in half, because she said, “I just want to cuddle.”  Which I willingly oblige.

Tell me I am not sensitive.

Maybe I can get her some of that new underwear that is being made out of WOOD.  Yes, I said wood, you are not reading it wrong.  These environmentally friendly knickers and bra’s use fibers from white pine trees.  There is no risk of splinters because the fibers are spun to create a silky-soft fabric.  Non-Toxic dyes are used to eliminate allergic reactions.  They are currently being sold in the U.K..

The material has more microscopic holes for air circulation than polyester and twice the absorbance of cotton related items.  The French designed range.  Currently being marketed in Britain is being sold by a company named “BYnature.”  It is being called g=9.8, which everyone knows is the scientific figure of the earth’s acceleration.  Almost too weird to be considered real, but it is.

I guess they would be alright until the termites or the Loggers show up!

Now see, here you are at the end of the post, and you didn’t have to do your nails, or change your favorite brand of shampoo, or worry about loose, dry skin.  Who says the Internet doesn’t perform a public service.

I have to run to town now, pick up something for the bride and possibly save my hide.  Comments section is open girls, let me have it, I do after all … deserve everything I get.