Rude Awakening – Strange Expressions

This month in Bus Conversions Magazine I have a story published.  For those of you who do not receive this magazine, here is a reprint of the article.

When I was but a small lad, which was quite awhile ago, trust me.  I would ask my Dad for money, and he would reply, “Do you think money grows on trees?”  I of course, would reply … “Yeah.”  He would then say, “well, go outside, find a tree, and pick me some!”  This of course never happened, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am also a fast learner.

Strange expression.

My daddy used to have this other saying (expression) he would use, he would say, “One of these days’ boy, you are going to be in for a rude awakening.” I used to sit around and wonder about that, and of course, why we had Volleyballs, important stuff like that.

We have Volleyballs incidentally, because we need a place to store air, I thought everyone knew that.  My mother bless her heart, used to say, “If you think this is over Mister, you have another think coming!” … My little sister’s favorite was … “I was so upset I was b’side myself!”

Here is another one, my buddy recently offered up …. “I slept like a baby” …. What does that mean? A baby wakes up every other hour for cryin’ out loud, someone sleeping like that suggests to me, that they could possibly have an over-active prostrate, serious stuff.

Strange expressions, each and every one.

My very first encounter with bus people I met some interesting folks, and I heard some expressions that I had never before heard of.  For instance, I am sitting talking with a guy, and out of the blue, with no prompting from me, he offers up …. “I Love My Eagle.”  I immediately thought to myself … Strange expression.  I can’t believe a guy would say something like that.  How do you love an inanimate object such as a bus?

Not knowing this person’s mental history or his thought processes, I just shrugged if off and filed it back somewhere for future reference.  I mean “Jeeze Louise, I just met a guy named Norma Jean and another guy they all called Cat Skinner,” perhaps it is best to just sit back and observe for awhile.

While we are at it?  If you hear the expression, “there is more than one way to skin a cat?”  STOP IMMEDIATELY and seek professional help. (Now all you cat lovers, don’t email me on this, the box is full)

 So anywho …. Not long ago, late one night, outside Van Horn, Texas, (a place where 3.6 billion people have never been) I dropped off a hill and reached over and set the jake.  Opening the small turnpike window, the air was thick with the smell of summertime, the aroma of grease wood and the desert filled the cab.  All is right in my world, no serious traffic, the old bus barked in the night sailing downhill at seventy plus.  The grand-kids are crapped out in their respective haunts, the old hoopie porpoised a little and purred a deep throated melody in the dark.

The reverberation from the jake sliced the night like a sharp knife, not a trooper in sight and the fast lane is all mine.  One more item off my bucket list of life, I am circumspect.

Reaching over and lowering the volume on the CD Player I listen intently to the sound of the Detroit which I have to admit, was playing music to my ears.  Slowly I turned to the right and said to my wife out of nowhere  … “I Love My Eagle!”

Then, almost immediately, as if by reflex I muttered …. “Gawd, I don’t believe I said that.”

My wife of course, did not have a clue as to what I was talking about.  She had that calf looking at a new gate for the first time look on her face and I offered up nothing in return.  She just shrugged her shoulders and blew it off.  And believe it or not, that was okay.

You see, some things are better left unsaid and unexplained, and that includes strange expressions.

See you in the fast lane * …


Photo credit:  Larry Jones, Albq. New Mexico

*  Any resemblance to anyone living or dead, was most likely on purpose.