Out With The Old … In With The New

Titles are often a hard part of blogging, what do you call something, that is just barely a whisper in your mind?  Things are slowly returning to normal, on this, the last day of 2010.  I see the most popular post is once again, “Bikini’s Why Men Are Pigs” is #1, which really blows me away.  Why this one little post is so important, so popular, amazes me.

I read in the paper this morning that some idiot is suing WalMart for hitting a light pole in the parking lot.  Hard to believe, but he is claiming that WalMart put it there as a hazard and it is causing him untold grief, blah-blah, yadda-yadda.  You know these people who tie up the court systems with these blatantly frivolous lawsuits ought to have to pay a price for inconveniencing the rest of us.

Let say if you bring suit on a frivolous issue and the court, the judge or the jury decides it is a no brainer and throws it out, then you “automatically” should have to serve sixty days in the county jail.  That would stop a lot of this non-sense.

I am sitting in the cafe this morning writing this on my laptop and the din is terrible.  Even though I am tucked back into the farthest corner of the place, I can almost hardly hear myself think as my mother used to put it.  It is not a noise of people celebrating the holiday or the beginning of the day, it is the noise of a foreign language being spoken.  Here lately no matter where it is that I go, I cannot seem to escape it.

Let’s face it, if you are not fluent in any language other than English, then all of this in the background, breaks down to noise, nothing else.

Most likely it will get worse before it gets better, we have it seems, turned over the keys to our house to the invaders and they are outnumbering us about three to one.  Just this week I came across a blog that had a poster on it that said, “Get rid of the I word” that word being illegal.

Immigrant is an “I” word, and this year, 55,000 to 60,000 new people will be allowed into the United States “legally.”  It is even being suggested now in some circles, that those of us who are only proficient in English would benefit by learning a second language (Spanish).  No one blends in anymore, we are no longer the “melting pot” nation.  These days if you come to America, you do your best to make it a satellite of the place you recently left.  And to make matters worse, our elected officials make it easier to do this year by year.

You can however take solace in the fact that you are not alone.  Canada our neighbor to the north is paying the price for a huge flaw in their immigration policies.  That’s due to generous support for family reunification, the country is now being overrun by immigrants who’t can’t speak English or French.

Anyone who marries a Canadian can get in.  As a result, a scandalous spousal industry” has sprung up, enticing desperate Pakistanis or Somalis to pay their entire fortunes in dowry money to get their children into Canada.

After the kids get in, then the aged parents are then brought to Canada “ not because of family concerns, but because the parents will collect old-age pensions.  The United States has a similar policy, if you are illegal, but your child being born here is legal, when the child reaches the age of 18, then you are automatically legal.

Much like the United sates, the courts, hospitals, and social services in Canada now struggle to meet the needs or accommodate the new arrivals.  Perhaps we can all learn from those people down under, the Australians.

Australia, which has a strict English proficiency requirement for all immigrants and doesn’t automatically let in a citizen entire extended family.  Australia “tells immigrants that if they miss their elderly parents, they should buy a plane ticket home.

Now that sounds pretty harsh I have to admit.  But without language skills, an immigrant is cut off from mainstream society.  Which is not a great way to live, whether it be here at home in the States or Canada.  By accommodating them instead of “educating them” we are not only crippling them, but we are doing the same to the United States too.

Have a Safe and Sane New Year … See you on Monday.


Rounding Out The Last Of It


Found myself sitting around most of this day watching Beach Video’s on cable.  I like the “eye candy” and there is the added “suspense factor” that they interject into the segments.  Will Bobby be found by his mother before 28 minutes after the hour, when the commercials are scheduled to run. By the way, “they always find the missing tyke and he/she is reunited with his/her mother.”

Most of the time it is a lost little boy and I don’t know why it is that way but it is.

End of the year wrapping up here in the Heart Land, time to start considering what it is that we are going to try and do different in this New Year. Which country we will invade in the name of Democracy, where we will park the new aircraft carrier named after the president when it comes out of the shipyard.  My old Carrier is slated to be sunk and made into an artificial reef somewhere off the east coast.  I wonder in the New Year … Whether or not Bed, Bath & Beyond will have a sale in January or even still be in business by say … July?

Mostly I wonder if I will ever shell out $8.50 a pop to see another Adam Sandler movie, which is highly doubtful.  Not big on resolutions, but here is one that I could make and keep, without any problems whatsoever.  I could make an honest effort at being a much milder, congenial person ….. Naw, screw that, why would I want to tear down this wonderful reputation that I have spent years building in one day?

One thing I have settled in on for sure, is managing my email account a lot better than I did this past year, it has been for lack of a better word rather pathetic.  A chaotic mess of this and that, I hope in the New Year to organize it better and stay on top of it.   So there are a few things I wish to change, and most likely will.  I suppose we all have a little bit of the “hopeless dreamer” in us all, and we swear up and down, we will fix things.

All those pesky bothersome things that usually do not get fixed.

This is the time of the year when some of us naturally start thinking of last minute giving, beating the tax deadline of the 31st of the month and find something that can not only benefit us financially but also give you a jump on those pesky New Years Resolutions that the majority of us make, but never seem to keep.  Fortunately for Cup Cake and I, years ago we started out with virtually nothing, and somehow, we have managed to keep it all intact.  We won’t be giving anything more than we have already, we just don’t have it.

No big night out on the town either, we will stay inside our warm abode, close to each other, huddled in the dark listening to the gunshots in the neighborhood.  I remember one New Year in particular, we were in Las Vegas, and when the appointed time came, everyone was kissing everyone else, it was nice, and I have to admit, “kind of hot” until the wife looked at me and declared, “You kiss one more woman, and you will NOT be having a good year, you understand?”

In the movies, the hero always gets a last cigarette, a last request, just about anything that he requests, is granted.  Not here.  I get the final warning and not so much as a blindfold.  And of course …. “Before I kill you, there is ONE THING I want you to know.” So much for good times on Fremont Street and lip-locking with beautiful females of the opposite sex.

Ah, the once a year “I am gonna become a better person” syndrome (which in my case is HIGHLY doubtful) has arrived and it is time to re-arrange our lifestyles, our priorities and take charge of what is left of our lives. Nothing like killing two birds with one stone.


What Men Bake For The Holidays

Think I will go make some cookies, get my mind off of all this.


Winding Down


What is that television soap, oh yeah, “Days Of Our Lives.“  where the hourglass of time has the sand slowly flowing thru and they wax poetic with some kind of phrase or something like that?  I don’t have one sorry … Just trying like the rest of you to find a way to hardwire myself for what is coming down the pike in the New Year.  As usual, I have a few observations.

Here is the shortlist of what I do not want to hear in 2011.

Al Qaida — Any word ending with “z” — Taliban — Pakistan — Ubekistan — Gay Man — Guaranteed — Guaranteed unconditionally — Money back guarantee — Not covered by warranty — Xtreme — Has some side effects — Diarrhea — Rich & Beefy flavor — New & Improved — I have a headache — refresh your browser — Check settings — invalid password — War on Anything — Maxi or Super Flo — Madonna — Britney — Anne Heche — Jared Fogle — Jerry Springer — Rush — Her-Raldo! — Security Level Yellow/Red — Trim anything — Rake anything — Live, Local, Late Breaking — Chopper 4,5,9 — Cheap insurance.

Buzz words or phrases I do not want to hear in the New Year:

STATE HEALTH CARE — Tax Relief to the lower income folks — Preparation H — I am so not into that! — Lie, whatever? — Not! — Don’t go there — Talk to the hand — Get Over It — Totally Awesome — Especially “totally” awesomeness! — Hello, you have been picked at random — It happens — take out the trash — No payments until 2012 — otherwise the terrorists win — Wall Street — Plumber Joe — Bail Out — Good For The Country — you go girl! — Your order has been misplaced — Reality Show — FOX anything — Been there, done that, got the T-shirt — My car is making this funny kachuga-kachuga sound — Win/win situation —  Sarah anything.

America is truly standing on the threshold of greatness, there are challenges here that can either get us back on track or destroy us, the choice is up to us.  We need to stay focused and be resolute in our actions, we need to change the way things are done in this country, and we need to do it now.

One year, two years, hell I don’t know how many years?   I just know what we are seeing NOW  isn’t going to “get ‘er done” as Larry The Cable Guy sez …. But it can be a positive step in the right direction.

I best wrap this up before the wordpress.com word police or some other jackbooted entity shows up to lock me down.  So there you go, your own personal philosophy for 2011.  Sift thru it, save what is worthy, and toss the rest.

Think about it.

Life is just another beautiful buffet, and you get only one trip thru the line, only one plate.  And there is never, ever, any room on the plate for green jello — remember that.  If everything is under control, then you are moving way too slow.  No one ever followed a park car.  Get busy, change your world and at the same time, help someone else around you.

TWO-THOUSAND-AND-ELEVEN?  What is coming down the pike for you and I?  Who knows.   I am gonna keep choppin’ and watch where those chips fly!  One more New Year on the horizon, and this one is gonna be a doozy.

Winter time giving you the blues?  If perhaps nothing here rows your boat, and it did not lift your spirits, I have one more bullet left in the chamber, but I am saving that one for myself.

I am outta here (have been for a long, long time).  Four more days until The New Year, bought your calendar with the cute little puppies?

Check Please.


Sunny Side UP

I am a little tardy posting today, with the holiday’s and all, life has become somewhat hectic here lately.  Weather moved in and it got much colder, my old bones are a creaking in the night wind, and I am slow in the mornings.  Have a little hitch in my giddy-up and I am finding parts of my body are waking up at different times.

A lot of discussion this week about the lunar event, where the moon got in the way of the sun, or it entered into the earth’s shadow, or something like that happened.  I did not see it, it was not for lack of clear sky, we had an open sky that night as I remember, it was just that I missed it.  I used to say I got stoned and I  missed it, but the truth of the matter is, “I just didn’t give it a lot of attention.”  They tell me that briefly the moon turned red as it eclipsed.  I have heard the expression “once in a blue moon” but sadly never heard anything about a red one.

So my thoughts this morning, as scattered and fragmented as they might be, are on the heaven’s, celestial bodies.

Space the final frontier … Uh very funny Scotty … Now beam down our clothes!

A Spanish woman has  filed papers staking an official legal claim to the sun.  Angeles Duran, 49 years old, states in notarized documents she is now the official “owner of the sun, a star of spectral type G2, located in the center of the solar system, at an average distance from Earth of about 149,600,000 kilometers.

Duran now wants to impose a reasonable fee for usage of the sun’s rays, with proceeds split between the Spanish governfment, the worlds’ poor, and herself.  “Anyone else could have done it,” says Duran.  “It simply occurred to me first.”

At first I thought this is ridiculous, then I got to thinking about all those people in Washington DC our elected hodge-podge of nimrods, who are so far in the dark, they need sunlight pumped into them each day.  If they had thought of this first, instead of Ms. Duran we would all be paying some kind of new sunlight tax.

She has for most intents and purposes saved our bacon here in the United States.

God Bless Angeles Duran.


With Six You Get Eggroll

Wednesday, I found myself having a McDonalds snack attack, so I drove over to get me a Rubber McMuffin or a Burger and Fries, could not make up my mind.  So I am looking at the menu that said I could have an order of 6,9, or 12 McNuggets.

i-am-loving-itThat sounded good, I hadn’t had a McNugget in a long time, incidentally, what part of the chicken is the McNugget exactly, anyone know?

So I look at this kid, that had the look of a deer caught in the headlights of a car, and I say to him, “I would like a half dozen McNuggets please.”

He then looks at me and says, “We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” so I like the dummy I often seem to be, I said, “You don’t?”

He then says, “We only have six, nine or twelve sir”

So at that point I thought to myself, “Well, at least he called me sir.  And he doesn’t have any visible open sores on his face.  I will try again.” So then again, trying to give him what the Orientals in Asian culture will call the “opportunity to save face”  I repeat …. “You say I cannot order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?

“That is right” came the reply.burger

I shook my head and ordered “six” Mc-What-evers and shuddered to think “this is the new and upcoming leader of our world?”  They walk amongst us, and they reproduce, now that is scary.

While we are on the subject of eating.

The other night while making dinner Cup Cake called my attention to the fact that the sugar-and-ketchup concoction with which we had been sating our appetites for the past several days was not actually life supporting.

And it was not a staple of a good diet according to “the government.”

Then she said to me, “Why don’t you get off your butt, and do another one of those “how-to-be-a-better Internet-writer articles and bring some money into this house for a change? If we had some money again, at least we could afford some hamburger.”

That is one of the things that I truly love about my wife, she believes or thinks on the practical side of life.  For instance, if I say to her, “Honey where are those Cheeto’s?” She will come into the room, look me square in the eye and then say …. “Whats-sa-matter you, too lazy to lift up the cushion?”


So here I sit, in my big fat EZ Boy Recliner wondering …. Who would buy this crap?  And of course, wondering about my present station in life.

You see …. I am a writer.

That is what I am, a writer.  I write checks, mostly fiction.