The Naked News

The People You Meet On The Street … Some things to worry about during your driving test, left turns, most accidents occur during left turns, yeah no poopy, I knew a couple who spent their entire life turning right, just because of this.   Other things to worry about are your turn signals, traffic and naked people walking down the street during your test.

Yes people, a naked man was spotted during a driving test …

Which reminds me of the couple who took their two young children on vacation and they were going down a road, and before them appeared four adults on bicycles COMPLETELY NAKED.

The young couple worried that the children in the back seat would be affected and sure enough, as the naked adults all rode by, the four-year old stood up in the back seat and said, “Did you see that?  None of those people had a helmet on!”

Not-Too-Smart.Com … Suspect to officer:   Kiss my (expletive) and talk to my (expletive) lawyer.  It is going to take more than Matlock to figure this one out, but someone, is gonna spend the night in the pokey.  A man charged with domestic violence Sept. 25 for threatening his ex-wife and breaking vases tried to slip off his handcuffs, according to his Crestview Police Department arrest report.

When officers tried to arrest the man, the suspect “tensed his muscles” and began calling the officers profane names. On the way to the patrol car, the suspect told the officers, “Wait till I get out. All you guys are done.”  On the way to the jail, he called the officer a “fat (expletive)” and tried to slip his cuffs. At the jail, he told the same officer, “Kiss my (expletive) and talk to my (expletive) lawyer,” according to his report.

Taking a wild stab at this, I figure he is going to be a guest of the county for a little bit anyway.

You Make The Call File: Scientists have announced this week some cancer news.  They are now saying that cancer is a man-made disease as they have not been able to find any evidence of it in Egyptian mummies.  Personally I would be far more prone to believe they found evidence of emphysema in a mummy from charcoal (heating and making bricks) than this.

Mummy was squeaky clean … Uh huh sure.  Now what about Buffalo Wings?

A little off the top: We now have naked hairdressers down under …. Hmmmmm, that sound a bit suggestive doesn’t it.  (Personally I prefer a little shrubbery around the house, but that is just me)  Full story here and pictures too!  OI especially liked the comments after the piece, here is a sample:

You could have someones eye out with those don’t forget health and safety !
Dave, Manchester  …. I think I’ll pass on this one, have you seen my hairdresser he’s not the best. Jim Gibson, Newcastle upon Tyne …. Something for the weekend, sir?

Why not add yours to the mix (That is if you are into that sort of thing).  Because of my age and my “Dr. Phil look-alike hairstyle” it really doesn’t do a whole lot for me.

The next thing I know will be receiving a comment from my mother:  “I enjoy reading most of your columns . . . but your hairdo in your photo yesterday sure looked DATED and NOT at all flattering or becoming, to say the least. If you are still sporting that awful hairdo, I suggest you go to a good hair stylist to give you a new and better hairdo. I hope you don’t mind my criticism, it’s nothing personal — just a suggestion.” This is why she lives in Kalifornia and I live here in The Sooner Nation (now all you people in Europe, and Asia try figuring that one out.)

Warning:  That girl is packing …. Used to be in order to attract boys a girl would stuff her bra with Kleenex or soft paper.  But alas, they grow up so quickly.  An item here where a woman wore a bra packed with sedatives in order to rob men, not exactly “high tech” but if it works ….

Say it with a Foot-Long. Flowers are so old hat, now there is a better way.  A Fort Pierce Florida man has been charged with attacking his girlfriend with a corn dog …  I mean how can you never say you are sorry (Love Story) if you slam your special other with a piece of food?  Must be something in the air in Florida, a lot of this stuff is coming out of the sunshine state here lately.

It would be nice to discuss some of this at length, but I have to make my nine-thirty for therapy.  I get to lie down on the couch, relax, tell this wonderful lady all of my thoughts, worries and concerns.  Such as left turns and backing into a buttered doorknob while completely naked.

Stuff like that ….

You on the other hand, need to shut this down and get back to work, it is after all, Hump Day for a five day minimum wage slave in Oklahoma.  You have Mortgage Investment Bankers and politicians counting on you to pull them thru.

YOU DON’T GET CANDY FILE: Now if all of this wasn’t absurd enough to whet your whistle, there is one more,.  I always like to save the best for last … Government is now putting an age limit on Tricker Treaters, if you can believe that.  Read all about it here.

Is this a great country or what? *


*  Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.  Mark Twain  And of course, no naked people were exposed or hurt during the posting of this post.
Cartoon courtesy of

One thought on “The Naked News

  1. Thanks for the laughs.
    Hey we’re glad you enjoyed the piece, come back and visit any time. I could not believe that story on your site, “The Dingo Ate My Baby” that is just a little bit incredible. I did however understand the part about the govt. running amuck and ruining their lives, that part I can relate to.



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