Recently President, or Ex-Presidente George Dubya Bush, was spotted giving the graduating seniors of a high school in Artesia, New Mexico, a commencement speech (how sad is that?). He told them that he no longer felt the pressure and responsibility of being our president, and that in fact, it was kind of liberating. Since leaving office Bush has given one speech in Canada, and is supposed to be busy writing his memoirs, which should be a real yawner. Coming to a Burger King in your area, a one time visit from a ex-president of the United States on a limited speaking engagement, come early and beat the rush.
Things are not all that well for the rich here lately.
Paris Hilton and her boyfriend were recently thrown off a yacht in Cannes France at the annual film festival. It seems that they started “hooking up” as the youngsters are prone to say, and she got a little frisky, so they decided to take it below decks and up a level or two on the excitement scale. Another guest discovered the amorous couple in what do they call it? Flagrante Delicto and she informed the captain of the vessel, who in turn ejected the loving couple.
The captain then insisted that they depart for the shore. For what he called “unsociable behavior” which I do not understand, seems like they were being quite sociable at the time, which is when all the trouble started.
You would think that old geezers like myself would be the first to catch these particularly nasty diseases going around. But a recent survey has disclosed that only 1% of people over 65 actually got swine flu, and the majority of the cases in the country were with 18-24 year olds. Of the two-thirds of the 5,000 confirmed cases in the U.S. thus far, the CDC revealed that many older people, blood studies show, have partial immunity to the swine variant because of a life time of exposure to other similar flu viruses.
So I guess it would be safe to say, “that over the years, all of those shots, paid off.”
The current candidate running for governor of Georgia on a platform encouraging the quaint Peach State Legal theory of “nullification (meaning the state has the right to override the U.S. Constitution) who is known as staunch foe of abortion who once posted a “hit list” of doctors in that state.
He is also quoted as saying during his childhood “When you grow up on a farm in Georgia your first girlfriend is a mule.” That should just about sum it up. Yeppers …. Now that explains it. Stick a pin in the map, another “new age Republican” has been identified.
It reminds me of the old joke, where the preacher found a dead mule on the road, so he called the sheriff. The sheriff after listening to what the preacher had to say, suggested that he say a few words over the dead animal and go about his business, that was after all, what preachers were supposed to do.
Then he inquired of the preacher, “Why in the world are you calling me about this anyway?” and the preacher said, “It is our custom to notify the next of kin, whenever we do a service.”
Please don’t feed the lizards.
The world’s largest lizards, have been attacking humans with increasing frequency, villagers in Indonesia report attacks are up this year. The Komodo dragons are 10 foot long reptiles and they are becoming more aggressive and out of hunger as poaching reduces the population of the deer that they survive on. A park ranger was recently sitting in his office in Komodo National Park when a dragon appeared and chomped down on his leg. Indonesia is the only place in the world where these huge reptiles are found. Might want to scratch this one off your vacation list for this summer, and head to Orlando instead.
Now I like this one. British police thought they had a standoff on their hands when they received an emergency call in which the caller could be heard whimpering and a man shouting “Come out or else!” in the background.
At that point the line apparently went dead, and the police just knew that they had a possible hostage standoff situation on their hands. Immediately redialing the number they reached a woman who reported that her golden retriever, had stolen her cordless phone, and pursued by her angry husband, taken it to his favorite hiding place in the backyard.
Behind the garden shed, where he crawled underneath and promptly started gnawing on the key pad.
A Florida woman visibly upset because her local McDonald’s did not have Chicken McNuggets, phoned the 911 emergency service line for help. In an unrelated incident, a Florida man took the same action when Burger King told him it had no lemonade to sell him.
Clearly these are over reactions, majoring in minor stuff. I recommend that you not indulge in similar overreactions in the coming week. When you feel that the drama queen or drama king archetype is threatening to posse you and you need to forcefully keep it away, take immediate action.
If you’re successful, you’ll be visited by a far more congenial archetype … the Social Butterfly …. Someone like Britney or Paris and that would prove to be amusing and who knows, maybe a little productive in the end.
Have to run, some guy named Obama sent me $250 over the weekend and I got to sock it into my “friendly” savings institution currently being run by foreign nationals recently released from Guantanamo Bay, which I think is somewhere south of Atlanta.