Grumpy Greeters

walterI want to be a “mellow dude” I really do.

I want to walk in the sunshine, to be of no great hurry on my journey through life, to stop and smell the flowers, to pause at the curb and purchase what it is that little kids are selling, even if it tastes bad, to bask in the joy that life has to offer.

I desire to pet an old dog, watch the shape of a cloud materialize and see something no one else sees.  I really want to be p-a-t-i-e-n-t.

And then I leave the house.

Yesterday I was accosted at Wal-Mart again by a door person, a greeter, a whatever, and I am still fuming about that.  My parrot ran out of food, so I had to trot over there to pick up a 14lb. bag of food for her and as I was leaving the store, this person walks up to me and barks, “I need your receipt.”

Which kind of irked me, I am tired of these so-called greeters treating me like I am some kind of common thief (I mean, who steals bird seed for cryin’ out loud?) and the words, “Please or I am sorry for your inconvenience” are clearly not in their vocabulary.  It is not the providing the receipt that is my problem, it is the manner and tone that is exhibited to me in order to produce it.

I get sick of that.

So I fished out the receipt and handed it to this bozo and I said, “You can keep it.” And then he barks at me again, and says, “YOU cannot leave this store with that item without a receipt, it is store policy.”

Which seemed to do nothing but add more gasoline to the fire.

So then I said, “Store policy huh?” and he said, “Yes, it is store policy and YOU cannot leave the store without THIS receipt.”  So I somewhat begrudgingly take the much valued receipt, stepped outside the parameters of the doorway, and then inquired of him, “ Am I now out of the store?” and he said, “Yes.  Yes you are.”

I then crumpled up the receipt into a small ball and dropped it on the ground and said, “This is my policy, I took my index finger and pointed it at a part of my anatomy and told him he could kiss it if he was so inclined.”  Which clearly did not make his day, but then again, he wasn’t adding much to mine, so I figure fair is fair.


So I ask him, “Now tell me something Einstein, I just recently walked by all three of you minimum wage brain trusts, and not one of you greeted me, isn’t that store policy?”

No answer.

You enter into these stores, purchase the material and the clerk fails to de-magnetize something or remove a theft device and when you go thru the detectors and they go off, the Wal-Mart dogs of commerce go berserk.  It is almost as if they unleash a rabid pit bull into a audience of postal carriers or something.

After checking you out, they “dismiss you” without so much as a care.  They seldom ask for anything in a polite manner, bark or demand the receipt, and I may be cranky or just outright out of line, but I am tiring of Wal-Mart and the knuckle draggers they employ to work the door.  Wal-Mart can kiss the part of me that goes over the fence last; I am really burning out on Wal-Mart.


Just once, one time, I would like to have a pleasant shopping experience at Wal-Mart, but I kind of doubt it.

Rainy days are often like that …  I am often like that …