Whacked Out World II

A little taste of the world around you this morning, for you to enjoy.  Last night they had a special on the Burger King Commercial on the local news, proving once again, we are just a little ahead of the curve on some of this.  We did it first.

Live, Local, Late Breaking my butt.

We continue to amuse, confuse and expand the parameters of your horizon’s and it is all free.  Where can you get a better deal than that?

Lower Duck Pond, Lithia Park, Ashland. Police responded to a report of two dogs running loose and attacking ducks at about 11:20 a.m. Sunday.  The officer cited a resident for his loose dogs.  The duck refused medical treatment and left the area according to police records.

An Edgewood man reported recently that his wife had gone missing some 18 months ago.  Which reminds me of the old joke, where the state trooper stopped the man on the highway and asked him, “Do you know why I stopped you?” and the old man replied, “No sir.  I don’t.”  So the trooper said to him, “Your wife fell out of the car about three miles back!” and the old man took his hand, wiped his furrowed brow and exclaimed, “Oh thank the Lord!  I had thought I had went deaf.”

Remember, this is all “free.”

A 21 year old reported a battery on East Green Street Friday night.  According t a police report, an unknown suspect threw a condom at the victim hitting him in the face (Yuck!).  No arrests have been made at the time of the report.  I understand that some guys actually get embarrassed when they have to buy condoms.  That should not be a big deal, now take me for instance, it always embarrasses me having to throw them away unused after they expire.

And don’t buy into that “condoms are safe” lie either.  I knew a guy that was wearing one and he got hit by a bus!  You cannot believe everything that you read.

Remember, this is all “free.”

Police checked the area and found an open door in the back of the building.  An officer went inside and called out, “Marco.”  The man’s name was not Marco, detective Tim Dohr said.  Instead, “the officer was trying to inject some humor into the situation.”

Police found the suspect after he responded, “Polo.”  Our house was burgularized one time, I believe the guys that did it were gay.  Nothing was actually stolen, but all the furniture had been rearranged.

Really strange.

Employees of Eckerd’s reported about 12:25 a.m. Tuesday that two men came into the store, loaded birthday bags with “Have a nice day” yellow faces on them, with 52 tubes of vaginal anti-fungal cream, and left without paying.  The cream was valued at $894.98.

Full Size Mattress: Royal Tonic, 20 year warranty.  Like new.  Slight urine smell.  $40

CHINA CABINET: buffet, hutch solid pine, tall X 4.5 wide, lighted windows, few scratches but cat has been killed $700.

“I often think how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.”

Uh-Huh?

“We was sitting on the porch, and the tornado dropped right on down to swoop us and the dog up, came out of clear blue sky.”

Uh-Huh?

“Find out for yourself how much fun riding a lawnmower can be?”

Uh-Huh?

FOR SALE:  Collection of old people, call ***- 9455.

TURKEY FOR SALE:  Partially eaten.  Only eight days until Thanksgiving, both drumsticks still intact.  $23 OBO.

GE MAMMOGRAM DISH WASHER for sale, white, good condition, $20

WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me.  This is not a joke.  PO Box 322, Oakview Ca 93022.  You’ll get paid after we get back.  Must bring your own weapons.  Safety not guaranteed.  I have done this once before.

HUMAN SKULL:  Used once only.  Not plastic. $200 OBO  Dr. Scott Tyler

USED TOILET PAPER:  For sale I have a wide selection of brands and designs call for detailed prices.

TOMBSTONE: Standard Gray, a good buy for someone named “Grady.”  1995 Nissan Maxima, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4500 Not for sale.

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY:   This president has listened to some people, the so-called Vulcans in the White House, the ideologues.  But you know, unlike the Vulcan’s of Star Trek who made the decisions based on logic and fact, these guys make it on ideology.  These aren’t Vulcan.  There are Klingons in the White House.  But unlike the real Klingon of Star Trek, these Klingon’s have never fought a battle of their own.  Don’t let faux Klingon’s send real Americans to war.  (Rep. David Wu (D-Oregon) in a speech on the floor of Congress)

This why most states have Congressional leaders elected in pairs … So that at lease one of them can be the designated driver.

Tuesday in a nutshell …. Get 50% off or half price whichever is less.

And you thought all the news was bad?

OOO

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