Armchair Warriors

armchair-quarterbackThe chit-chat at the local beanery (café) seems to be centered on this recently played football game, the Super Bowl.  Most of the armchair quarterbacks are rehashing it over and over, trying to figure out who made the play, who made the mistakes.

Suffering in only a way that they can comprehend, the end results of a game played mostly by strangers.  Why people do this baffles me, adults who they have somehow hinged their respective lives to the outcome of a game played by strangers.

Why people insist on placing their happiness and joy in life, on the outcome of a game of football and grid-iron combat astounds me.  I’ll bet if you were to go to Dr. they have some kind of button you could push, in order to relieve yourself of this unwarranted anxiety and stress.

If you are currently suffering from Super Bowl withdrawal symptoms, press this button, and Dr. Harvey P. Schmuck will give you five quick solutions to finding yourself a life.


Krispy Kreme Donuts found itself in the middle of political controversy recently, after anti-abortion groups objected to an Inauguration Day promotion feature a free doughnut.  In its promotion, Krispy Kreme offered customers a free doughnut on Jan. 20th as a way of “honoring Americans’ sense of pride and freedom of choice.”  Unfortunately, those were fighting words to the anti-abortion American Life League.

Now we are making donuts a social and political issue?  If we are … Then I have it all wrong.

Krispy Kreme
(Parody of Billie Jean by Michael Jackson)
Heard about it on my TV
Was Krispy Kreme
I stand in line
But what do I need
More calories
Make my ass and my gut
Big and round
I didn’t want
To make my ass and my gut big and round
For forty days and forty nights
I was in that line
I understand
That they are in demand
Across the land
Krispy Kremes
Made my ass big and round
People always told me
Be careful what you chew
Don’t go around eating all that junk
But I don’t know what to do
Cuz I love that sticky goo
My mother fed me some
And now I’m a super chunk
Krispy Kreme
Is like my lover
She’s just so good
She’s just so tasty and fun
I need to get me some
I can’t stop till they’re done
I need to get me some
Krispy Kreme
Is like my lover
Krispy Kreme
Is like my lover
Krispy Kreme
Is like my lover
Oh Krispy Kreme
You’re like my wet dream
Krispy Kreme
Is like my lover
Krispy Kreme
Is like my lover
Your cherry fillin’

Hump Day!  Middle of the week, for a five day a week wage slave in Oklahoma, hang in there, you almost have it made!