Gone Fishin

A pig in rural China has taught himself to catch fish.  The pig’s owner, whose name is Han, says she was “amazed” when she first saw the animal wade into her fishpond and retrieve one of her tropical-fish and consume it.

The fish are left over from a breeding business that folded when the price of tropical fish declined and she is happy for the pig to get a little protein in its diet.  And she said that she is going to continue to let him dine at his leisure.

Here are some astonishing numbers for you.

American consumers in 2007 spent more than $12 billion for cosmetic surgery in this country, from 1992 to 2003, the number of breast implants increased some 675%.  But in recent months, because of the recession, the number has sharply dropped, the market has virtually collapsed along with the market for gas guzzling SUV’s jumbo mortgages and other frills.  It appears that the reallocation of income,, from boob jobs to say “food” might just signal a return to sanity in this country by the American consumer.

Another indicator of our …. Ahem …. “Sagging Economy.”

Yesterday the government announced another 50,000 American jobs went down the tubes.  53% of Americans favor passage of a $775 billion stimulus package like the Barack Obama says he will push for Congress.  I don’t believe the number would be so high if they considered the new banking bill  Obama is trying to push thru Congress is loading up with pork, and it appears that it is the same old circus, just a different set of clowns.

$400 million to NASA, millions to artists, new computers for Social Security, how does this “stimulate the economy?”  Looks like President Obama has found his dog, it is named the stimulus package.

It has gotten so bad, that American companies are now actually being forced to make “reliable products, and provide good customer service” in order to drum up business.  Unfortunately for them … there isn’t any business.  My daddy used to say to me “Son, that paycheck of yours, is burning a hole in your pocket.”  Now a days, that pocket don’t even warm up any more.

That is easy for you to say

“Simon gave me advice and said on [UK] The X Factor he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon finds the cornflake always finds the melon and one of you didn’t pick the right fortune.” Singer Paula Abdul, during an American Idol Show.  Well, I don’t know about you, but I am glad we got that one cleared up.

Buy Yo’ Ticket Takes Yo’ Chances

Portland Oregon is offering its first raffle, with a guaranteed, $5 million dollar payout.  250K in tickets went on sale making the odds of winning one in 250K which is a long shot, but better than PowerBall (1 in 195M) and Megabucks (1 in 6 M).  More and more states are choosing the lottery outlet to meet their projected tax revenues and shortages.  Wouldn’t this be betting against the house?

Bad news for Emperor Penguins or Polar Bears

A new study released this week states categorically that “the earth’s climate will be irreversible” for at least the next 1,000 years, even after emissions of carbon dioxide are halted.  This means decreasing human water supplies, increased wildfire frequency, ecosystem change and expanding deserts on the planet.  I can just hear Al Gore in the background giggling and snickering.

Bad Cop No Donut.

A 14 year old boy in Chicago who allegedly donned a police uniform and managed to go on a traffic patrol for five hours pleaded not guilty in juvenile court to impersonating an officer.  They judge ordered the boy into custody for several weeks as he could be a threat or a danger to himself.  They said the boy didn’t have a gun, never issued tickets and didn’t drive the police car.

Call Me Sick … But this cracks me up.

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.” The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog.”

The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”

He answers, “Yes, they’re using them now; they’re very good and protect me from robbers, too.” The man at the door says, “Come on in.” The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.  Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer says, “A Chihuahua?” The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

Another Toe Tapper Comes Clean

Fallen evangelical pastor Ted Haggard said he had an “inappropriate relationship” with a male church member, but there was “no physical contact.”  What in the world does that mean?  That is like saying “the role of the lead goose is to break wind on the other geese.”  Oh well, I guess it is all water under a camel’s back.

Stop by tomorrow for I Am Not God II our second in an exciting series (yawn).  Finish each day and be done with it, you have done what you could.

000

O Happy Daze

living-and-dying

You know I look at the headlines and they are just so dire, so outright depressing, I almost avoid them completely.  They are enough to make a guy sick, if you let it.  I tend to lean towards “Happy Stuff” I know that this is totally unrealistic, but what they hey, it doesn’t drag me down.

We are sitting on a mountain of personal opportunities, if you just look around.  I want to make a difference in someone’s life this day, I know that out there in cyberspace there are people who are not having a good day.  There are people who are getting a bad medical report, financial news, a kid who is sick, or a bill that needs paying and there just isn’t money to cover it.

They don’t need any more bad news — I don’t need any more bad news —You don’t need it either.

So I kind of naturally lean towards something lighter, something uplifting, something positive if I can find it, if it is possible to think along those lines.  Tiring of the ambsace numbers coming out of Washington, I want another shot at it, and I want a winner.  I am tired of standing on the curb and clapping when the parade moves by, I want to get out and the street if only to march and sing!

Most of us want or desire to be a good example in life, wouldn’t you agree?  I remember in High School, I was never the trophy winning athlete, I was the “example.”  The coach would point his finger at me, and then he would say something profound and inspiring like …. “Look at Smith, at least he finished.  He wasn’t first and he wasn’t last, but he did finish.” And I would mutter a lowly “uh thanks, I think?” and move on.

Now later, much later on in life, I am still striving to achieve something, anything, as long as it is positive in nature.

Following along those same lines, I recently took on a second job sort of thing, working in the afternoons.  It is something like the Wall-Mart greeter guy, only different.  I am now working at Weight Watchers, they are paying me $8.40 and hour to stand in the corner, there the weight trainers and personal rep’s point at me and yell ….. “If you continue to eat Twinkies and Ding Dongs, this is what you will look like!”

Always the good example.

Winners, I want stories about winners.  Rudy, Clash of the Titans, The Horse Whisper, that Will Smith movie about the homeless guy, and a host of others.  I want a movie where the dog comes home, the guy gets the girl, the storyline where the hero makes a difference.  I love stuff like Charice, the little Filipino girl who dreams of singing with Celina Deon and comes to America and does just that.

And she is good, knock down drag ’em out the door good, check out the video.  Her talent really shines in part two at Madison Garden when she sings with Celina.

Brings a tear to my eye every time.

Like most of you, I am sick of stories of big time bankers and politicians that get convicted, pick up the bag of money and waltz off into the sunset.  I don’t want to hear about the polar bears drowning or the Eskimo’s that cannot heat their homes or find any grub.  I am sick of all this negative crap going around, I want some good news.

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Give me something like this story that a friend of mine recently shared with me.  In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.  “Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.  The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.  “Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins.  “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies and she realized that he chose not to have a sundae, because if he had, he would not have enough left to leave her a tip.

You can make a difference in someone’s life.

Do something, anything, nice for someone today.  You’ll be surprised how much better you feel when you are the example and not the cause.

000

Comments is open, every reader with the letters A-N can comment now, O-Z you have to wait until tomorrow, or whenever you feel like it.  Have a great weekend.