Like Robbin Williams in the movie “RV” all I have to is just stand on top of our trailer … Nah, I am pretty sure you are not buying that are you?
Burger King, Denny’s a lot of places have free Wi-Fi now. The computer age, isn’t it swell?
For a refreshing change of pace, we went shopping together yesterday, the wife and I. Strangely we found ourselves with a little extra scrilla in our pockets, we decided that shopping would be the endeavor for the day. “Yo Mama got mad scrilla. We’re gonna rock the mall later.” Kids refer to money as scrilla these days, if y’all aint hip, it surely isn’t my fault.
But we are talking shopping here, I digress.
Aspiring to compliment my rather attractive Seductive-Southern-style-wardrobe, I had admitted to wanting a new NASCAR Driver’s jacket, so we set out in quest of one and during the course of the day, ended up walking some five different Malls in search of this somewhat elusive item.
Or as Cup Cake is fond of saying — We Shop Until We Drop — a kind of “take no prisoners attitude that I surely do not adhere to or understand.“
Shopping for me is never that great, and I usually wear out early, the whining factor comes into play much sooner these days than it did in my younger years. Often in complete desperation I will pull out my cellphone and have “fake very loud conversations with our non-existent children” in order to embarrass her and make her take me home.
I just don’t seem to have the stamina for it, I am not the “shop until you drop” type face it. I don’t know what it is, but I can never find what it is that I am looking for. On the other hand, when we do go on these sojourns into the marked down 50%-merchandise world, she will always find several items that catch her fancy.
I will search in complete desperation, every hall, every wing, every level of each mall and never find what it is that I set out to find. Such is my burden in life to carry.
Never do I stop to realize and admit that, often, the fantasy of something different is a lot better than the reality of something different. So, we walk and we walk, and we walk some more. The concrete is mostly unforgiving on an old geezer like myself and late in the afternoon my hips are tired, my back isn’t doing much better and I have “attitude.”
Shopping with Boxcar is not pretty nor is it fun.
One thing amusing did occur and I feel the need to share that with you as we are all grown up now and willing to contribute to the quality of our lives. We were leaving the first or second mall and Cup Cake looks down and she abruptly pulls me up (sort of like reigning in an old horse or a mule) and says, “Your shoe lace is untied.”
So I look down, and low and behold it is, I dutifully drop to one knee and assume the position, I proceed to put a double loop in it, and fix the errant troublemaker so that I will no longer have this problem.
Having completed my temporary stop for repairs, I start to rise, and she gently places her hand on my shoulder, and pushes down firmly and I look up, “What the —— now?” She says, rather sternly as if she is talking to a small child, “Now do the other one.“
Which to a man is stoooooopid, why do you have to do the other one, if the other one is okay, and it was.
But doing some quick thinking I remember that I have been here before, and a “wise man never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile.” So I tie the other shoe, or rather, untie the other shoe, and then re-tie the other shoe. While I am in this position, feeling the familiar pangs of insanity coursing thru my brain, I look up at her, and I say “Darling, will you marry me here, right now at the Mall!”
And she giggles, at the same time, an elderly couple who are walking by and overhear my capricious statement stop.
The wife she smiles real big and kind of laughs and the husband offers up, “I am a preacher son, I can marry you right now on the spot!” So I say to him, “For real? You are an honest to goodness preacher, for real?” and again he replies in the affirmative.
I quickly get up from my one knee position and say, “Thanks for the offer Padre, but that is where all my problems began to start with!“
Four malls later, one trip to the Food Court for a round of give it to me quick and make it really greasy, we come home, sans jacket. She however has found this stainless steel, pressure cooker thingy for the kitchen, or at least I think it is for the kitchen. All I know it is not my color and it will not fit on the dog, so it must be for the kitchen?
One last thing and then I will leave all of you alone.
Instead of distracting yourself with thoughts of what or who would be better in your life, see if you can find a way to make the relationship you’re already in as good as it can be.
Happily married couples know that regardless of what happens in life, yesterday, last month, a couple of years ago or what might happen today, tomorrow, or next year — That Now — is the only place where happiness can actually be found and experienced. And in some cases — it can be found at the Mall bent down on one knee.
I didn’t find the jacket, but I still got the girl, and that is all that really matters.
(If you happen across one of them NASCAR jackets this week, let me know. I am still in the hunt for one. Mstate? If you see the flowers, grab your hankie.)