Chilled Out


Here is one that I evidently forgot to post, so in the Spirit of Christmas ………

Freezing cold here, if you are somewhere with “bone chilling cold” stare deep into the above picture, click your heels together three times …. Oh, hahahahaha.  What a sick puppy I seem to be early in the morn.

This morning I once again awoke to “pressing serious issues.”  Such as:  Is Paula Abdul going to be back for another year of American Idol?  And the answer is yes!   Which should relieve the fears and anxiety of about five Americans all total.

The rumors of her leaving are not true, they say she will be with the show until it’s eventual end which should be in 2012 when the Mayan Calendar runs out.  Kelly Clarkson another Idol graduate, has a new CD coming out, the title cut, “My life sucks without you.”

Now isn’t that special?  If she will cut one for George Bush that says, “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?” I will be down there today, cash in hand to purchase it.

Here is a good read for a cold day.

The Urban Hermit (St. Martin’s Press, $24.95), Sam MacDonald, 36, reveals how he paid off $15,000 in debt, stopped boozing and lost 160 pounds.   How about a life of only consuming 800 calories a day – not exactly overdoing it in the snack department.  It’s not something people should do. They could get hurt. I believe that was the quote.  And I could have lost just as much weight on 1,600 calories a day. I had to cut everything out because give me an inch and I’ll take a case of beers.

Explaining what drove him to become an “urban hermit”?  Bills. They were driving him insane.  Don’t think you have the Lone Ranger Syndrome on that one Sam.

So how does a guy who had great parents and a wonderful education. (He graduated from Yale in 1995.) find himself living on the ragged edge of life.  When your life goes screwy, I guess there is a tendency to want to explain it.

Which brings me to this, how come I am not selling something at $24.95 at Barnes & Nobles or jumping on Oprah’s couch.  Now here is one that is really sad, “you take an extended holiday, so you ask a friend to write your blog while you are gone.  No problem, except one, “the blog actually gets better with the guest host while you are away.”  Now “that” is sad eh?

Oh well, drink a Coke and have a smile.  Anyone seen the new Coke bottles they introduced over the holidays?  Pretty cool. I can no longer drink Coke, as I am diabetic, but I bought a couple of bottles to photograph just for you … because you are sooooooo special.

dsc00183Did you know that 63% of all shopping mall Santa’s have a college degree and 29% of them are fluent in sign language.  Yeppers, it is true.  It has to be, I read it on the internet.

Here is something else that is Christmas related.  The #1 googled item on Google Christmas morning …. IHOP … International House Of Pancakes, seems no one was cooking breakfast on Christmas morning, everyone was going to IHOP, I have forgotten how many millions of hits they got, but it was considerable.

Man, I just love stooooopid criminals!

Los Angeles – A graffiti artist who posted incriminating videos of himself on YouTube has pleaded guilty to felony vandalism. CyrusYazdani, 25, was recorded spraying his moniker “Buket” on buses, bridges and overpasses. He pleaded guilty to 32 counts of vandalism and was sentenced to 314 days in county jail, 256 hours of graffiti removal and five years of probation.

Talk about a traumatic youthful experience.

Columbia South Carolina – Police said two robbers shoved an 8-year-old inside his home at gunpoint and stole his Christmas presents. The boy’s mother said the men grabbed her son as he walked to his bus stop, pushed him inside their home and took his PlayStation and four games. She said they also took her wallet and cellphone, her uncle’s wallet and a pair of pants.

All the news is not bad, there is a ray of hope in all of this.

Joplin Missouri – An anonymous donor dropped five cashier’s checks for $10,000 each into Salvation Army kettles at two Wal-Mart stores. It’s the fifth straight year someone has given $50,000 to the Salvation Army without taking credit. The remitter identified the giver as “Santa Claus.” Capt. Jason Poff called the contributions “tremendous” in light of the economic downturn.

Say what you want, but it appears that Arizona is truly a fun place to live.

Tempe – A group of Santa impersonators are on the naughty list of law enforcement officials. A YouTube video shows four people dressed as Kris Kringle, white beards and red hats included, covering speed and red light enforcement cameras with boxes and decorating them with Christmas wrap.

At the end of the video is the message: “Ho, ho, ho! Death to the surveillance state! Free movement for all people!”

If and when I ever decide to move from OKC, I am heading for Arizona.


I Have Issues

I have issues — You’ve got issues —

We’ve all got issues.

No one is “normal.”  If you know someone who is normal, then most likely that “normal” person is the most boring person on the face of the earth.  They probably watch a lot of CSPAN2 and listen to Creed when they want to rock out.  And, they probably have more issues hidden away than anyone.

Face it … We’re all freaks with issues.

The trick is finding that special someone whose issues compliment your own.  I have more issues than I know what to do with.  I have to keep my issues filed alphabetically in a giant, metal cabinet in one corner of the garage just to keep track.  I have issues with and some of the features not working.  Their apparent reluctance to fix some glitches in this new stuff.  Not answering email or inquiries.

Like I said, “I have a system to deal with all this.”  Unfortunately, this system doesn’t always work though.  Often I forget I have a fear of commitment and actually get a email from someone who genuinely likes me, only to be reminded of it when updating my files.

Oh there’s more.  I often feel the need to make a joke out of everything.  I was once was escorted out of a theater during a screening of “Shindlers List.  I really laughed hard when the Brontosaur’s Rex or whatever it was ate the lawyer who was sitting in the outhouse in Jurassic Park.”  I am sorry I just found that so amusing. Just like this, I saw this and I just cracked up, but my wife says it is not funny.

Overcoming Social Shyness.

(Thanks to Bits & who often brighten my day)

Terminally emotionally afflicted, I am kind of insecure, yet at the same time I think I am the coolest thing in the room.  I’d think that even if Beck and/or Ashley Judd were in the room too.  Also, I am addicted to “talk show” television and rarely go without one day without my Oprah or Dr. Phil and my other favorites.

To be totally fair, I am not all that sure that this isn’t more of an addiction than an issue.  Take George Dubya Bush, I don’t believe I am ever going to like that guy and I know I am never going to leave him alone.

We can be sure there are probably more serious issues than Bush and that I could be divulging, like the fact that I am willing to share my issues on some stupid webpage for the entire world to see.  Freely willing to spring them on the next unsuspecting poor soul that happens to wander over here.

From what has been transpiring around the nation here lately, it appears that a lot of people are truly experiencing pain dealing with their issues.  And unfortunately the media gleefully has no problem showing the rest of us, all of them, secret or not, embarrassing or not.

“Can you tell me Senator, why it is you have controlling-mother issues and therefore find yourself tapping your feet in the bathroom stall?”

“Why is it after making your first movie you decided to tell the rest of the country that you are a chronic bed-wetter and have a serious aversion to Grey Poupon?”

“Madam Speaker … How can you describe something as fake, silicon, saline, or otherwise augmented as air bags?”

People are so prone to just putting their issues out there and allowing the rest of us to deal with them.  For instance a T-shirt that reads, “Wanna score with an old geezer?  Ask me how.” I am sorry, but that is an issue I would rather not deal with.

And then there is the “entitlement issue” that seems so prevalent in today’s society.  I cannot stand people who think their issues entitle them to some sort of special treatment.  I am not talking about serious psychological conditions that require medication like Prozac to deal with life.  I am not suggesting that people with multiple personality disorders or manic depression just need to “deal with it.”

What we are describing here is all these stupid issues we all carry around like insecurity, fear of commitment, daddy-never-loved-me-so-I-irritate people on the Internet a lot, and so on.    It’s so unfair!  I didn’t get the job because I am not pretty … C’mon.

What I am saying is we all have issues, so we can’t really expect everyone to adjust to our issues.  No one is going to walk up and say, “Do you need some help carrying that emotional baggage?” because most of us are too overloaded with our own.

Everyone needs to deal with his/her own issues, which in many cases, aren’t really that damn important in the long run. A great many folks experiencing issues with Mr. Obama right now … Before him it was Hillary … Before that … Bob Hope, Reagan, The Beatles, Tom Cruise and Britney’s underwear … It is always something.

We, as a society need to rub some dirt on it, take a breath, and walk it off.  Like me for instance, “I seriously need to learn how to deal with this crap and spare the rest of you the details.”

My, my, look at the time.

Once again gang … It is time to close, thank you for allowing me to share this time of semi-hysterical consciousness, this irritating period between naps, with all of you.

Hope it wasn’t too awfully painful.