Gearing Up for ’09


What is that television soap, oh yeah, “Days Of Our Lives.”  where the hourglass of time has the sand slowly flowing thru and they wax poetic with some kind of phrase or something like that?  I don’t have one sorry … Just trying like the rest of you to find a way to hardwire myself for what is coming down the pike in the New Year.  As usual, I have a few observations.

Here is the shortlist of what I do not want to hear in 2009.

Al Qaida — Any word ending with “z” — Taliban — Pakistan — Ubekistan — Gay Man — Guaranteed — Guaranteed unconditionally — Money back guarantee — Not covered by warranty — Xtreme — Has some side effects — Diarrhea — George Bush — Jeb Bush — Burning bush

Rich & Beefy flavor — New & Improved — I have a headache — refresh your browser — Check settings — invalid password — War on Anything — Maxi or Super Flo — Madonna — Britney — Anne Heche — Jared Fogle — Jerry Springer — Rush — Her-Raldo! — Security Level Yellow/Red — Trim anything — Rake anything — Live, Local, Late Breaking — Chopper 4,5,9 — Byrant Gumbel

Buzz words or phrases I do not want to hear in the New Year:

Tax Relief to the lower income folks — Preparation H — I am so not into that! — Lie, whatever? — Not! — Don’t go there — Talk to the hand — Get Over It — Totally Awesome — Especially “totally” awesomeness! — Hello, you have been picked at random — It happens — take out the trash — No payments until 2010 — otherwise the terrorists win — Wall Street — Plumber Joe — Bail Out — Good For The Country.

Dick Cheney — Presidential Pardon — you go girl! — Your order has been misplaced — Gitmo — Reality Show — FOX anything — Been there, done that, got the T-shirt — My car is making this funny kachuga-kachuga sound — Win/win situation —  Sarah anything.

America is truly standing on the threshold of greatness, there are challenges here that can either get us back on track or destroy us, the choice is up to us.  We need to stay focused and be resolute in our actions, we need to change the way things are done in this country, and we need to do it now.

One year isn’t going to get ‘er done” as Larry The Cable Guy sez …. But it can be a positive step in the right direction.

I best wrap this up before the word police or some other jackbooted entity shows up to lock me down.  So there you go, your own personal philosophy for 2009.  Sift thru it, save what is worthy, and toss the rest.

Think about it.

Life is just another beautiful buffet, and you get only one trip thru the line, only one plate.  And there is never, ever, any room on the plate for green jello — remember that.  If everything is under control, then you are moving way too slow.  No one ever followed a park car.  Get busy, change your world and at the same time, help someone else around you.

Another year down the tubes, what a year, almost one million hits in less than 9  months (866,000+), 720 articles, lot of video’s, jokes, good times and comments.  I can just hear the reviews coming in now:

  • “Missed Again” … The Daily Oklahoman, Okie City Oklahoma.
  • “A very short novel.”  The Waco, Texas, Chronic Vegetable
  • “This is it?  This is the sum total of the endeavor?”  Arkansas Dependent-Statesperson
  • “Somebody, please wake me up” Santa Cruz Beachcomber, Santa Cruz, California
  • “Not enough sex” my Republican cousin Ralph in Muleshoe, Texas”
  • Where is the truth, the logic, the wisdom?”  Grand Prairie Pioneer, Lincoln Nebraska.
  • “He should have paid more attention” my 10th grade English Teacher.

TWO-THOUSAND-AND-NINE?  What is coming down the pike for you and I?  Who knows.  We are going to try and hit the magic number and I am going to fly to Chicago and jump on Oprahs couch!  But mostly, I am gonna keep choppin’ and watch where those chips fly!  One more New Year on the horizon, and this one is gonna be a doozy.

If perhaps nothing here rows your boat, and it did not lift your spirits, I have one more bullet in the chamber.  Winter time giving you the blues?  Check this one out, it will give you a lift.  Norman’s Wife.

I am outta here (have been for a long, long time).

Check Please.


Dark Angel


Legacy Of The Gods Part II.  Our resident loyal soldier of the corrupt Army of Texas has been voicing her praise for our soon to be no longer good guy president.  Man, this line is really getting a bit tired by this point in time.

Our angelic host of the Bush administration has been spouting off about his legacy and the fact that history will see it a LOT DIFFERENT than the current REALITY seems to be.  Condolesa Rice is officially supporting the Pathos of the Bush Administration and telling everyone that history will prove that Bush was a great President in the final tally.

And today it was also announced by the New Republican Scientific Community in Washington, that if frogs had wings they would not bump their rear when they hopped.  Angelic host to testify, glorify or multiply, it isn’t going to work.

Or in other words — Excuse me while I take a moment to grab my trashcan and vomit.  I am hard pressed between a rock and a hard place, I cannot figure out which one disgusts me the most, it is either her or Sarah Palin, and I cannot force myself to make a choice.  Frankly I have been down the road already with Hilary, so it is one of these two, left for me to decide upon.

As for history — Everything that Bush receives in the end, he will deserve, and I don’t believe it is going to be flattering, no matter who writes it.

Tis’ the time of the year, when members of faith-based organizations everywhere (such as the 700 club and the Taliban) gather together separately in celebration of the universal principle of Eternal Light emergent from Darkness and their joyful individual convictions that they are right about whichever particular God they believe originally thought up the idea of life.

At least that is the way it seems on the cable channels twenty-four-seven here lately.

It seems likely, however, that way back in the days before the various god’s appeared, nature had already thought it up, as manifest by the equinox and the earth’s subsequent inevitable and highly appropriate tendency to spend half the year moving in the direction most likely to make life pleasant for residents of the Northern Hemisphere.

Did you ever notice that all the locales around the world that have the most trouble also appear to have the best weather?  Wonder why it is that this happens?

The gods also gave all the abundant resources to America.  MTV, Hot Rod Chevy’s, microwave popcorn, WalMart, and Days of Our Lives, State Fairs, cotton-candy, highways to all of God’s wonderful tapestry, cheap gas, and beautiful women.

No wonder everyone in the world hates the west.

We have all the neatest things in life, pretty good weather and the Bush doctrine … where could you possibly find a better deal than this.

“And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from the Evil Doer Caesar Augustus of Dallas, that all the good folks in the world, as it were, should be taxed.  And make no mistake — The Evil One and all those evil folks went after these good people of faith, and smoked ’em out, and got ’em on the run, every one into his own city.”

“And there were in the same country shepherds, if you will, who were good, hard working, law-abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks, as it were, by night.”

And make no mistake — those were good people of faith, and the dark angel of the Lord, as it were, came upon those folks, and the glory of the Lord, if you will, shone ’round about those good folks: and those good, decent people were sore afraid.”

“And the dark angel, she said unto them, should you be afraid?  No.  Do I bring you tidings of great joy?  Yes.  And, yes, it shall be to all you folks as it were.”

“And make no mistake (my fourth paragraph beginning in “And” which I believe testifies that I am on a roll here) — and make no mistake — suddenly, as it were, there was with the dark angel a multitude of good, decent folks who were with the heavenly host praising God, if you will, and saying Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will, if you will toward all of you good, decent, hard-working, law-abiding American folks.”


Martin Luther King said it better than I ever possibly could, he said:

“History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.”

America, a nation of Democracy and Religious Freedom, a strong hearty race, who seem to worship all the wrong Gods.

May the “peace that passeth all understanding” find your understanding a bit of a challenge to subdue.

A totally brand-new year — May you be fortunate in your choice of Gods.  May you be one of the fortunate few who still have a way to make a living in 2009.