Pull My Finger

fart For some reason, I am getting all these emails that say “sent from my I-phone” on them.  I don’t know if everyone feels the need to impress me or that this marvel of technology has taken over day to day duties on the internet communication highway.

An I-phone would be a total waste on me, I am old school, I don’t cotton too much to all of this new-age stuff.  I have a telephone that takes pictures, makes movies, gets itunes, streams media, and all this other stuff, all I manage to do is talk on it, every now and then.

Like I said … Who needs it?

Often, on a slow day, I will sit around and muse about what it is that I could do to make a lot of money.  I am sure everyone at one time or another has done the very same thing, albeit, they are slow to admit it.  But I am positive that they do.  More than likely more men do it than the ladies.

But I often do that, try to figure out a better mousetrap and have the world beat a path to my door.  Most of the time, what I come up with, I frequently discover has already been tapped into, and as my dad used to say, “I end up a day late and a dollar short.

Well, here is a story of one such person, who has come up with a “fart tone” for Iphones and is cleaning up.  The proverbial  “Pull My Finger” of ring-tones, what else is it that we as Americans have to answer for.  Have we now reached a new plateau of lousy taste in this country?

A plague of iPhone flatulence.

Yeah, go ahead make my day, there isn’t anything I want to hear more while eating my lunch than a slow, steady, cacophony of fart sounds emitting from the table next to me.  Or holding my breath in some elevator because I don’t know if it is real or if it is Memorex.  This has to be the absolute pinnacle of bad manners and communication idiocy.

imagesappleSo there is something new in the air this holiday season.  A few days before Christmas, the people at Apple decided to loosen up their rules on good taste, and apparently have allowed an off color novelty application called “Pull My finger” into what they call the iTunes store. Immensely popular from the very get go, they then moved to approve more than 14 more applications of the same nature.

For lack of a better word, I will just call it the way I see it … This is disgusting.

Now, at last count, they had more than four dozen sound-effects apps not suitable for polite company are stinking up the App Store best seller list, which on Christmas Eve was topped by a program that produces – for immediate amusement or delayed gratification – pungent sounds with names like Jack the Ripper, Howard the Duck and The Sick Dog.

The developer of this noisome program, is an Internet entrepreneur and author Joel Comm who at .99 cents per download, is netting more than $10,000 a day. Apple’s (AAPL) cut is better than $3,000 a day.  No wonder so many third-party developers can’t seem to contain themselves. So if you wanna be rich (and tasteless, crude, borderline rude or obnoxious) here is how you do it.

One last thing, don’t feed your monkey Bussell Sprouts if you know what is good for you.

Speaking of tasteless and crude.

My favorite Texas Waddie … Mr. Bush is back in the news.  Yesterday he pardoned 19 more people and took back one pardon that he had previously issued.  I have a profound tendency to be somewhat fractious when it comes to Bush, but it is for good reason.  He is a bottom feeder of the first order, a national embarrassment and he and his cronies ought to be standing before a judge, instead of issuing pardons.

Which are going rather cheap, today’s USA Today reports that one guy got one for as little as a $1,500 contribution to the Republican Party.  USA Today reports that he is a former gambling executive pardoned this past week by Bush and that he contributed the money to Bush’s 2004 campaign.

Now that is bad, but it gets worse, with Bush, it always manages to get worse.  He is also taking pardons back.  Here is some more on it if you care to pursue it further.  CrackerBoy.

Like rats leaving a sinking ship they all have to find somewhere else to feed farther down the through in Washington D.C…  And it appears they are doling out the rewards left and right.  Bush rewards top aides with appointments to boards and commissions. In his last days in office, President Bush is busy doling out “presents to some of his top aides.” Not Medals of Freedom to hang around their necks.  Rather, they’re key spots on governmental boards and commissions.

Condoleezza Rice “got a spot on the John F. Kennedy Center’s board of trustees until September 2014.  The position should guarantee her good seats at the performing arts venue for the next six years.” Carlos Gutierrez and Barry Jackson, a former Rove aide, will be appointed by Bush to the board of trustees of the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars. “The Christmas Eve appointments will allow them to serve far beyond Jan. 20, the end of Mr. Bush’s term in office.”

Here is another headline I found interesting this morning:

9 dead in L.A. Party Attack.

A guy dressed up in a Santa Suit opens fire with a pistol at a Christmas party and then sets the house on fire.  Now that is pretty bad, lousy.  Then you glance down the paper about four or five columns below that and you see:

Life:

Loving Downtown Los Angeles.

Huh?

Five more days until a “new ballgame” (New Year) and I am seriously hoping it will show more promise than this one has shown.  I don’t know what this is the year of on the Chinese Calendar, but for my money, we should be calling it “The Year Of The Dog.”

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It’s a good life

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Another wonderful tradition has come and gone (only three times this year) and that is the Frank Capra Classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Despite having Jimmy Stewart for the lead, and being made by Capra, the movie wasn’t a big hit when it was first released in 1946.  It may have been due to a marketing error, Liberty Films released the movie — which we all recognize as a Christmas Film — after Christmas.

Not so swift.

Cary Grant and Jean Arthur were Capra’s first pick for the movie.  Did you ever notice Jimmy Stewart sweating profusely in the scene where he’s about to jump off the bridge in the falling snow?  That is because it was 90* on the day the scene was shot.  If you want to read a more comprehensive description on the history of this movie and some of the behind the scenes trivial about it, here is the link.

Christmas now officially expired for but another year, there will be no more Christmas Parody’s on Creative Endeavors, maybe next year, but for now.  No more.  Radio Girl jumped into the family truckster and headed for Mexico and a holiday in the sun on Christmas day, lucky her.  See if you can spot the girl from Canada in the photo.

The holiday for the most part, came and went rather quickly here, no snags, no problems.  We don’t make a big deal of it anymore, the grandchildren receive their presents, we spend a little time together, but the old days and Christmas of the past, are no more.  Most of my family has now departed and have been gone for a long, long time, so the memories remain, and not much more.

In Norway, all the brooms in the home are hidden because it was once believed that witches appeared on Christmas and would steal the brooms with which to fly.  In Rome, the traditional Christmas meal is capitone, a roasted, baked or fried female eel.  Now that is enough to encourage me to stay home and/or eat Christmas Dinner at the Truckstop for sure.

I understand that in Britain, a coin is hidden in the Christmas pudding.  The person who gets the coin in the pudding is said to have good luck in the New Year.  Which I am all for this year, that is for sure.  In Japan, friends exchange white frosted cakes to symbolize a birthday cake for the baby Jesus.

A special thank you to all of you who dressed up your homes with Nativity Scenes and colored lights over the holidays and provided so much enjoyment for the rest of us who did not.  Thank you to all of you who helped out a homeless person or a person less fortunate than yourselves.  Thank you for making Christmas what it should be, a time of sharing and caring for one’s fellow man.

A small snapshot of Christmas around our world for all of you.

Today is Boxing Day, a holiday in Britain, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada.  No one knows how Boxing Day got its name, but there are three theories.  Priests would ceremonially open donation boxes the day after Christmas.  It was the day the wealthy gave gifts in “Christmas Boxes” to their servants, who were busy working on Christmas.  It was also the day on which poor people carried boxes from door to door, collecting spare food and clothing.

I got tapped for drivers’ duties and Christmas shopping by Cup Cake.  A friend called me yesterday and told me of something he had heard about ChinaMart which was full to the brim and overflowing the day before Christmas.  Most all of the stores were doing a brisk business, but we still did not find a lot of bargains out there.  Cup Cake took me out to do some shopping the day before Christmas and I had to assume the driving duties and deal with the hoards of shoppers trying to finish their last minute purchases.

My friend told me that a guy had went into a ChinaMart and bought some pre-paid gift cards and was standing in the doorway of the store handing them out to people and wishing them a “Merry Christmas.”  Which it was, until security showed up and demanded that he stop the practice.  Now this is kind of lousy, he did after all purchase THEIR CARDS in order to fulfill his holiday destiny.

But ChinaMart was having none of it … they stopped him dead in the water.

So the Holiday-Do-Gooder went to Target as the story goes, told them of his problem, asked them if they would replace the ChinaMart gift cards with theirs, and allow him to do this good work in their store.  They readily agreed, took all of the left over ChinaMart cards and redeemed them for full face value, and then issued the guy new TARGET GIFT CARDS and made available for him a space to do his thing.

God Bless Target … A lump of coal and a steady supply of raspberries for ChinaMart.

In a small way, I am glad it is finally over; the mechanical Christmas Carol’s played incessantly on the radio drive me up the wall, the tunes get in my head, and just will not allow me any kind of peace.  But there is also something to be said about the mellifluous voices of the children in the church choir when they fill the church with their voices on this special day.

I guess you would just have to say I have “mixed emotions about the whole thing.”

This however is no big surprise to my family, who insist that as I age, I continue to get more cranky and grumpy in life.  It could be worse I suppose.  What if you were an insomniac dyslexic agnostic?  You would be up all night long wondering if there really was a dog?

Things could be a lot worse, believe me.

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)